Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: "Onslaught of the Red Haze" (Installment #1)

By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)

Disclaimer:  All characters in this story ultimately  belong to o-
Takahashi Rumiko-sama, blah, blah, blah, and all other legalese.  The
story idea, however, is mine and takes place sometime after the events of
manga Vol. 38.  This is merely the beginning in a series of stories in
which I'm exploring what _could_ happen in the characters' lives. ;)
Enjoy!

Part I:  *Sigh*  The Joys of Womanhood...

        "Aaaaah!  Get off me, you old freak!"  Onna-Ranma screamed, dashing
back and forth across the hallway with Happousai clinging to her.
        "Aww, c'mon, Ranma.  Just a little hug.  Please?"  the tiny,
ancient, and perverted martial arts master crooned.
        Yes, it was another one of those days at the Tendou Training Hall.
Kasumi, the eldest Tendou sister, was out in the yard, humming and hanging
laundry, while her other two sisters, Nabiki and Akane, were sitting on
the porch reading.  Souun Tendou and Genma Saotome (in his panda form, of
course) were playing shougi and totally oblivious to Ranma's predicament.
        Nabiki looked up from her book entitled "Extortion and the Pursuit
of Happiness" and sighed.  "Old goat's at it again."
        Sighing also, Akane dropped her comic and watched Ranma
continuously run back and forth.  "Oh, honestly!"  she huffed, wearied
with the antics of these two.  Although deep down inside she felt sorry
for Ranma, she couldn't help thinking that he'd done something to provoke
Happousai again.  Half of her mind screamed that maybe Ranma deserved it,
and the other half scolded her and reminded her that even a half-girl
didn't deserve Happousai's lecherous attentions.
        <Besides,>  Akane told herself for the umpteenth time, <Ranma's my
fiance.>
        Casually Akane reached into hammerspace and pulled out her mallet.
Hefting it in her hands, she stood in the doorway and waited.
        "One... two... three!"
        With a loud grunt, Akane swung the mallet back and--*wham!*--
knocked both Ranma and Happousai into orbit.
        Nabiki watched the two soar into the stratosphere and blinked.
"Whoa.  You hit them kinda hard, don't you think?"
        "Uh,"  Akane stammered, dropping the mallet.  Oooops!  She didn't
mean to do it quite _that_  hard, especially since Ranma hadn't insulted
her or anything.
        Just then Ranma came crashing back down to land on his (her?) head
at Akane's feet.
        "Ohhhhhh,"  Onna-Ranma groaned, twitching.
        "Hey, Ranma, you okay?"  Nabiki asked.  She certainly didn't want
her prime target permanently damaged.
        "Oh, I'm sure he's fine,"  Akane said.  "Hey, get up, you."  She
nudged Ranma onto her back.
        "Ouch!"  Ranma fell back with a solid--*thump!*--and then sat up,
rubbing the back of her head.  "Hey, watch it, stupid!  That hurt,"  she
growled, glaring at her so-called "uncute" fiancee.
        "Who are you calling stupid, you idiot?"  Akane shot back, sitting
back down and taking up her  comic.  "Just what did you do to provoke
Happousai _this_ time?"
        "I didn't do nothing!"  Ranma protested.  <Geez, the way she hits
me, you'd think I was one of those practice boards she *thwacks* in the
training hall,>  she mentally grumbled, struggling to ignore the nagging
pain her body had recently acquired.  Nevertheless, a sudden twitch in the
abdomen made Ranma groan again.
        Akane rolled her eyes.  "Oh, please.  You're such a baby.  I didn't
hit you that hard... did I?"  For a moment fear flickered across her
face.  Then she caught herself.
        Ranma huffed, then hissed in pain again.  Nabiki frowned.
        "Oh my god, Akane.  You really hurt him this time."
        "I didn't hit him that hard!"  Akane stood and approached Ranma,
who backed away warily.
        "I'm not going to hit you again,"  Akane snapped.  "I just want to
see what you're being such a baby about."
        Ranma's blue eyes narrowed.  "Yeah, right, like you care.  I can
take care of myself---grrr!"  She clutched at her abdomen.
        Now Akane's heart started pounding.  "Here, let me see... "  But
before she could reach for Ranma again, a sudden squeeze interrupted her.
        "Aaaaaaahhhh!"  she screamed as Happousai grabbed her shoulders--
and prepared to grab something else.
        The sight of her former tormentor made Ranma completely ignore the
pain.  "Why you,"  she growled, doing the aura thing.  "Get off her, you
lech!"
        "Hmm?"  Happousai mumbled, leering at Ranma.  "Oh, you missed me,
is that it?"  And before  Akane  herself could slam him, he leapt off her
and went straight for Ranma.  Ranma tried to block, but  another sudden,
more intense pain distracted her, allowing Happousai to latch onto her
chest.
        With a bloodcurdling shriek Ranma punched Happousai away, but the
aged master, having touched female flesh, was revitalized enough to flip
over and stand on the rocks surrounding the carp pond.
        "Ha-ha!  You gotta do better than that, Pig-Tailed Boy!"  he
taunted.
        "Why... you... "  Ranma managed through her teeth, glowing
even brighter.
        Akane sighed.  "Nabiki, I _told_ you he wasn't hurt that badly."
        But Nabiki was staring forward, rigid.  "Uh, maybe, but something's
definitely wrong with him."   She pointed at Ranma.
        "What do you mean?"  She followed Nabiki's gaze and gasped.
Akane's large eyes widened even  further as she observed her intended, who
was glowing an _unusually disturbing_ bright red.
        Happousai froze, completely taken aback.  His squinty eyes were now
as wide as saucers  as he watched his favorite target, growl, take aim--
        --and hit him with an enormous ki blast.

        Inside the house Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, and the others (except for
Nodoka Saotome, who was away for a few days) knelt around Happousai and
Ranma, the former lying prone and  complaining about his aching joints,
the latter laughing maniacally.
        "Ohhh,"  moaned Happousai, "the ingrate.  How dare he hit his
master like that--ohhh!"
        "Poor Grandfather Happousai,"  Kasumi murmured, placing a warm
towel on the little hentai's forehead.
        "'Poor Happousai?'"  Nabiki squealed.  "What about the carp pond?
And the rest of the yard?  Did you see what Ranma did?  It looks like a
bomb exploded out there!"  She turned to Ranma.  "Saotome, how  did you do
that?"
        "I dunno,"  Ranma replied, now male thanks to the hot water Kasumi
had spilled on him from her  basin, "but I loved every minute of it!
Bwahhhahahahaaa!"
        <This is weird,> Genma-Panda signed while rumbling incoherently.
<The boy's ki blasts aren't that strong.>
        "Hmm, I'm not so sure, Saotome,"  Souun Tendou mused, briefly
taking advantage of Happousai's helplessness and kicking him ("Owww!"
Happousai moaned.).  "That blast was almost like-like--"
        "Like Ryouga's Shishi Houkoudan,"  Akane finished, frowning.  "I
mean, Ranma's Moukou Takabisha's similar to that, but I don't think it's
nearly as strong, unless..."  She thought for a moment, then glared at
Ranma, who was still cackling and wouldn't stop.  "Unless he's learned
something else from Shampoo's great-grandmother, which means he's been at
the Nekohanten chasing Shampoo!"  Jealousy clouding her judgment, she
punched Ranma upside the head.
        Ranma ceased guffawing and bolted upright, glaring.  "Hey!  What
was that for?"
        "OK, Ranma, out with it!  How did you learn that ki blast?"
        "How did I--hey, just a minute!  I didn't learn nothing new from
that old ghoul.  I haven't even been to the restaurant lately."
        "Are you sure, Son?"  Souun asked ominously.  "You haven't been
chasing Shampoo again, have you?  Have you?"  His head grew monstrously
hideous and huge as he glared at his future son-in-law.
        "Aaaaaaaaahhh!  I'm sure!  I'm sure already!"  Ranma shrieked,
backing away.
        "Well, I don't believe you,"  Akane hissed, folding her arms.
"You're capable of anything."
        "I _told_ you, you stupid, violent woman, I didn't--"
        Akane drew back her fist, but Kasumi-oneechan intervened.
        "Akane, before you do that, let me ask something,"  she said,
polite as always.  She turned to Ranma.  "Ranma, have you ever accessed
power like that before?"
        "Huh?"  The young martial artist blinked.  "Uh, no.  Not... not
exactly."
        "'Not exactly?'  What do you mean?"  Kasumi prompted.
        Ranma rubbed his throbbing temple.  "Well..."  Suddenly he
looked very shamefaced.  "It-it almost happened once sometime ago...
when I was stuck as a girl.  You know, when I had that full-body cat
tongue thing."
        "Really?"  Kasumi looked thoughtful as everyone else leaned
forward.  "What nearly prompted that ki blast then?"
        Ranma scowled.  "Ugh.  It was that pervert--Kunou,"  he said.  "The
jerk sneaked up behind me and..."  He reflexively hugged his torso.
"Stupid moron.  I mean, I was already having these pains, and  then he
just had to--"
        "Pains?  What kind of pains?"  Kasumi had a strange expression on
her face.
        "Well... I guess they were more like, ah, slightly annoying
spasms," he replied hurriedly, embarrassed.  "I've been having them
right"--he pointed around his waist-- "here.  Not really anything
serious, though.  Ha, ha."
        "Painful spasms..."  Kasumi blanched, and everyone around her
held their breath.  Even  Happousai stopped whining long enough to listen.
Akane, by the way, looked as though she were about to have a heart-attack.
        Ranma noticed how everyone was staring at him and blinked.  "Uh,
why're you all looking at me like that?"
        "Ranma,"  Kasumi managed, "I think... you need to see a doctor."

        "Go see a doctor, Kasumi says.  Ha!"
        Outside on the porch, Otoko-Ranma was punching the wooden stake,
trying to beat out his frustration.
        <They all act like I'm dying or something.>   *Wham, wham!*  <I
mean, so I developed a few little pains--it's no big deal.>  *Wham, wham!*
<What do they think I am, some little baby who needs to run home to Mommy?
And that fiancee of mine.  Geez!>  *Wham, wham!*  <If I didn't know
better, I'd swear the tomboy was actually worried about me.>
        "The unsexy brute."  *Wham, wham, wham!*
        *THWACK!*
        The wooden board upside his head made him lose concentration for a
moment.  When his eyes refocused, he spied Akane in front of him, glaring.
        "Owww!"  he whined.
        "Serves you right,"  Akane shot back, wanting to smack him again
but deciding against it.  She stomped past him, teeming with a mixture of
hurt, anger, and worry as she leaned against the wall with her back to
him.
        Ranma finished rubbing his head and waited to see if she'd smack
him again.  When she didn't, he went back to his exercise.  "So whatcha whatchacome out here for anyway?  Oh, let me guess--you haven't hit me enough
times today, is that it?"
        "No, you idiot,"  his fiancee growled softly, her back still to
him.  "I came out here to talk."
        Ranma blinked.  "Talk?"  She'd been trying to do that a lot lately.
"About what?"
        Akane cleared her throat.  "About your... problem."
        "Problem?  I ain't got a problem."
        "You know what I'm talking about."  Akane swallowed, shaking a
little.  "The... pains."  She bit  her lip.  "Um... Ranma, you...
Look, Ranma, if... you need to know... what to do... whenever you
. . can't change back  right off... "  She blushed.
        Ranma also blushed, knowing exactly what she was getting at.  He
continued his exercise casually.  "Akane, I... know what to do.  I've
been through it before."  <Man,>  he thought, <she could've at least
brought it up when I'm a girl.  I feel so weird even thinking about
something like... that.>
        As if sensing his discomfort, Akane nodded slightly.  "Yeah, well,
anyway,"  she said, turning around slightly to look at him out the corner
of her eye, "Dad's still inside crying about the carp pond.   Ranma, you-
you blasted a good portion of it away.  Have you seen what you did?  It's
devastating... well, to Dad anyway.  It's going to cost quite a bit to
get that fixed, and even though our wedding got postponed
. ."  She absently rubbed her shoulder.  "Well, somebody's got to pay to
get the pond and yard fixed."
        "Aw, Kasumi'll come through.  She always does."
        "Hey, don't try to blow this off, Ranma.  I'm serious.  Besides,
it's not the pond I'm really worried about."
        Ranma almost faltered in his ministrations, but caught himself (as
usual).  "And what exactly are you worried about?  Or should I say...
who?"
        "What?"  Akane's face turned uniformly red.  "Are-are you implying
that I-I--"
        Her fiance grinned.  "Better keep that annoying voice of yours
down, tomboy, or everybody'll think  we're actually being civil to each
other."
        Frustrated, Akane started doing the blue-aura thing.  "How many
times are you going to insult me, you inconsiderate--"
        "That's your opinion, not mine."
        "--arrogant--"
        "I can't help it I'm perfect."
        "--brainless--"
        "Yeah, I'm brainless for not leaving you sooner.  Nyaah!"
        "--sex-changing--"
        "Blame Jusenkyou--and Oyaji--for that one."
        Akane took a deep breath.
        "--moron!"
        Once again, Ranma was punished for not using his better judgment to
control his mouth.
        "Humph!"  Akane stomped away.
        On the ground, the wooden stake lying in pieces around and on top
of him, Ranma decided that he hadn't checked up on Dr. Toufuu lately.

        "Hmm.  He _seems_ perfectly normal,"  Dr. Toufuu observed, sitting
back.  "None of his joints are out of place--well, he's got a few bruises,
but they aren't too bad.  I suppose you haven't upset Akane too much
lately, eh?"  The young doctor winked and smiled.
        "Humph."  Ranma frowned and folded his arms.  "The fact that I'm
even alive upsets that tomboy," he quipped.
        "I heard that."  Akane shook her fist at him.
        "Good,"  Ranma added, sticking out his tongue.
        "Ahem.  But these pains you spoke of, Ranma," the doctor continued,
"they're very strange.  And judging from what you've told me...  Hmm.
I wonder."  He looked over at the pitcher of water sitting nearby and
picked it up.
        Ranma followed Dr. Toufuu's movements.  "Uh, Doc, what're you gonna
do with that?"
        "Just this."  With that he promptly splashed Ranma in the face.
        Onna-Ranma shook the water out of her red hair, confused.  "Why did
you--"
        "Dr. Toufuu,"  Akane interrupted, "do you think you know what's
wrong with him?"
        "Just watch.  I need to be sure."  A serious expression on his
face, Dr. Toufuu bent down to look Ranma straight in the eye.
        "Happousai,"  he said simply.
        Confused, Akane shook her head.  "But I don't see..."  She
trailed off as she noticed Ranma's reaction.  Like the last time, Ranma
was glowing that unusual bright red.
        "Happousai?"  Ranma hissed, her irises shrinking to the pinpoints
and her body twitching with anger.  "Why, that little freak--that little--"
        "Akane, get that kettle of water.  Quickly!"  Dr. Toufuu pointed
over Akane's shoulder.
        Snapping out of it, Akane grabbed the kettle, took the initiative,
and splashed Ranma, returning him to his regular male form.
        "Ranma,"  the doctor asked, "what did you feel just then?"
        Otoko-Ranma flicked the last droplets of water off his arm.  "Uh .
. anger.   Lots of anger, a little pain and... something else."
Suddenly he started blushing and stood up.  "Excuse me, I gotta
. ."  He went straight for the bathroom.
        "Dr. Toufuu,"  Akane urged, "please tell me what's going on."
        "All in good time, Akane,"  the doctor replied.

        "WHAT??!!"
        Ranma "promise posed,"  his widened eyes covering a good portion of
his face.
        "You're kidding!"  Akane shook her head in disbelief.
        "It's true."  Dr. Toufuu nodded sagely and spread his hands.  "I
kid you not, Ranma.  This... problem you're having is what's causing
these ki blasts.  And I'm sorry to say, they probably won't go away."
        "I don't believe this,"  Ranma mumbled, shaking his head.  "I
don't.  Why does this kinda stuff happen to me?"
        "You poor boy."  Dr. Toufuu patted Ranma's shoulder.  "I mean, how
often does a man channel the Red Haze?"
        Both Akane and Ranma stiffened.  "The Red Haze?"  they asked
simultaneously.  "Is that what it's called?"
        "Indeed."  The doctor rubbed his chin.  "The Red Haze is a rare--
extremely rare--ki-projection technique only possible in females."
        "But-but,"  Ranma choked out, "I'm a guy!"
        "True, but apparently the Red Haze makes no distinction in your
case.  You've got to remember, Ranma, you have a real girl's body half the
time.  That makes you capable of experiencing a lot of the things ordinary
girls go through."
        Ranma suddenly had numerous flashbacks to his experiences as a
female, his troubled mind lingering on the many not-so-pleasant
experiences.  He shuddered.  "Don't remind me."
        "Anyway,"  the doctor continued, "you have all the symptoms--pain,
anger, and the right amount of  ki-projecting potential, all of which
amplify when you're female.  As for why you couldn't do it during the
full-body cat tongue episode--well, from what I understand it takes a
while for a woman"--he saw Ranma wince-- "to be able to access the power.
Only the strongest of females have a chance of developing the 'Haze.  Hmm.
Oh, yeah, um"--he started blushing profusely-- "this power can only be
accessed during a certain... time... each... month."
        Hearing this, Ranma hung his head.  "I wanna die."
        "It's called being 'in phase,'"  Toufuu added.
        Akane sighed.  "This could _only_ happen to Ranma."
        Dr. Toufuu shrugged, deciding to alter the subject.  "Oh, just FYI,
you two, the most recent case concerned a Chinese Amazon."
        "An Amazon, huh?"  Ranma thought about Shampoo.  <Nah, couldn't
have been her, since I've never seen her do it before.  The old ghoul?
Humph. 'Course not.  She lost her youth a long time ago, a little after
the dawn of time, I'll bet.>
        Akane bit her lip.  "Doctor, what kind of damage is the ki blast
capable of?"
        Dr. Toufuu thought for a moment.  "Well, from what I recall, that
Amazon warrior blew up a pretty good section of the Great Wall."  Dr.
Toufuu noticed the couple's shocked faces and chuckled.  "Oh, it's been
fixed again, of course."
        "You know, come to think of it,"  Akane began, "I do vaguely recall
something about rennovating  the Great Wall.  It was on TV a few weeks
ago."
        "Exactly,"  Dr. Toufuu replied.
        "Oh man,"  Ranma moaned.
        "Hmm?  What's wrong?"  The doctor leaned forward.  "Are you having
those pains again?"
        "No, no, Doctor, it's not that,"  Akane interjected.  "Um, it's
just that Ranma has done some damage, too."
        "Oh?"
        "I blew up the yard at home,"  Ranma mumbled.
        "Uh-oh."
        "And took out Happousai.  He's hasn't gotten out of bed for at
least a day,"  Akane added.
        Dr. Toufuu laughed.  "Ah, so some good _did_ come out of it!"
        "Wow, Ranma," Akane said, gazing at him, "you really are abnormal."
        "Shaddup, you're not helping!"
        "Now, now, calm down, you two.  I don't think it's really that bad.
Ranma, you'll be fine.  After all, you've, ah, experienced something like
this before when you were stuck
as a girl.  Just without the 'Haze, right?"
        Again Ranma blushed as red as his shirt.  "Um
. . yeah."
        "Well then.  See?  You're not flying blind in this.  You can handle
it.  I must admit, though, I'm no expert in giving advice about this sort
of thing, being a chiropractor and not a gyne--"
        Both Ranma and Akane winced and blushed.
        Dr. Toufuu cleared his throat.  "Anyway, my suggestion, Ranma, is
that you just go about your  normal business.  And maybe--if you possibly
could--avoid getting splashed as much as possible."  He gave Ranma a
knowing look, which Ranma understood on numerous levels.
        Ranma sighed.  "But that's easier said than done, Doc.  My body
attracts water like a magnet."
        "Not to mention,"  the doctor continued, "you might get a little--
um--what's the word ...  hormonal?"
        "Great.  All we need,"  Akane griped, whispering, "is for you to
get a little bitchy."
        "Hey, hey, watch it!"
        "See?"  Akane poked a finger a him.  "It's happening already."
        "Macho chick!"
        "Pervert!"
        Dr. Toufuu sighed.  Would these two ever quit?  "Or maybe not,"  he
finished, rising.  Then he hesitated, as though remembering something.
        However, before he could voice his thoughts, an unexpected guest
walked in.
        Ranma and Akane decided that if they valued their good health,
they'd better leave.

        "Aww, man.  I can't believe this is happening to me.  I'm being
punished.  I just know it."
        Ranma and Akane were walking home.  As usual, Ranma was on the
fence while Akane was on the ground.  The short-haired young woman looked
up at her fiance, noting his misery.
        "Ranma, you're being silly.  It's really not so bad.  All girls
have been going through this since the beginning of time."
        "I'm a _guy_!"
         "So?  You have a girl's body sometimes.  Like the doctor said,
that makes you subject to a lot of the things real girls go through."
        "Yeah, but..."  Ranma stopped walking and looked down at her.
"Man, I bet everyone at home knows more about this than they should.
Pop'll be teasing me forever.  And Nabiki--I don't even wanna think about
the hell she'll put me through!"  He ran a hand through his thick mop of
black hair.  "And my Mom--if she finds out, she'll make me commit seppuku
for sure."
        Akane shrugged.  "I doubt it.  She's already convinced you're manly
enough."
        "Well, maybe, but..."  He fidgeted.
        "Oh, stop whining.  You mean to tell me you, the oh-so-great-and-
powerful Ranma Saotome, can't handle a little feminine problem?"
        "You're enjoying this!"
        Akane folded her arms, scowling.  "Why would I be enjoying this?
I'm trying... to help you through this."
        She blushed as soon as the words rushed out.  For a moment the
young couple stared at each other.  Ranma glanced away.  He had to admit,
her compassion for him did make her look rather kawaii.
        But, as usual, his stubbornness, coupled with his frustration,
regained control.  "Yeah, well, I don't need you fussing about me.  I can
take care of myself."
        "Is that so?"  Her anger resurfacing, Akane spun on her heel and
marched away.  "Fine, then, you 'manliest of men.'  But when you start
cramping really badly, don't come crawling to me!"
        "Don't worry about it, you sexpot wannabe!"  he shouted after her.
Then, feeling sheepish, he started to call her back.  Unfortunately he was
soundly interrupted.
        "Ranma Saotome, how dare you speak such harsh words to the
beautiful Akane Tendou!"
        Ranma spun around.  Standing just a few feet away was the tall,
handsome, and deranged form of Tatewaki Kunou, brandishing his wooden
sword.
        Ranma blinked.  <Where did he come from?>  "OK, Kunou, whaddaya
want this time?"
        The self-proclaimed "Blue Thunder of Furinkan High" lowered his
sword and sneered.  "Address me as Upperclassman, you lout, you defiler of
the virtuous Akane Tendou and my beloved Pig-Tailed Goddess!"  He raised
his sword over his head.  "I, Tatewaki Kunou, shall banish you to the
fiery pit from whence you came!"
        "Oh great."  Ranma assumed a battle-ready stance and prepared to
dodge as Kunou charged.
        Using his kendou skills Kunou slashed at Ranma, only to have his
target leap out of the way to backflip to another part of the fence.
Growling, Kunou slashed again and narrowly missed Ranma's pigtail, but
Ranma brought up his fist and deflected the blow.  Twisting around his
opponent, Ranma raised his leg and punted Kunou.
        "Uf!"  Kunou grunted as he fell off the fence and into the pool of
water below.  His "promise posed" form floated up, his back to Ranma.
        "That jerk never learns,"  Ranma breathed, panting.  Kunou hadn't
given him much of a work-out, but for some reason Ranma was breathing
really hard.  He wiped the sweat from his brow.
        <That moron,>  he thought, <that's all he ever does.  Comes out of
nowhere, and if I'm a boy, he wants to fight.  If I'm a girl, he...
squeezes.>  Of its own accord a memory of Kunou's last perversion against
"her" surfaced.  Ranma shook with anger.
        Something stirred within him.  <Just who does he think he is
anyway?>
        Then he doubled over.
        "What--"  Ranma clenched his fists, fighting to remain standing.
Suddenly his vision was clouding over.  He stumbled, trying to shake the
odd sensations off, but this time it was too much.  Moaning slightly, he
teetered and fell into the water.
        Meanwhile, some distance ahead, Akane was lost in thought.  <Stupid
boy.  I try to console him, and what does he do?  Brush me off and insult
me.  That's what I get for trying to help a jerk like him.  Men.>  She
brushed a strand of hair aside.  <Well, I'll let him deal with it alone.
He claims he can do everything.  Hmm.  I wish Dr. Toufuu could've told us
more about this Red Haze.  Like what triggers it, if anything.>
        Glancing back, she expected to find a sullen Ranma tailing her.
When she didn't, she halted in her tracks, hearing the distant grunts of
combatants.  Her eyes widened when she spotted Ranma's form in the
distance, in combat with--Upperclassman Kunou?
        Concern getting the better of her, she rushed back.  Seconds later
she saw Kunou take a plunge and Ranma follow suite almost immediately
afterwards.
        "Ranma!"  she called, picking up the pace.
        When she arrived on the scene, a series of lovesick mumbling from
below attracted her attention.  Glad she was wearing shorts, Akane climbed
up, straddled the fence, and peered down.  She started to call Ranma's
name again when a series of loud protestations interrupted her.
        "Hey, hey!"  Onna-Ranma, who'd only been unconscious for a moment,
awoke to find herself in the arms of her worst nightmare, who'd amazingly
managed to recover as well.
        "Oh, Osage no Onna,"  Kunou was saying, hugging her close.  "How
noble of you.  You witnessed that wretched Ranma Saotome's abuse of my
illustrious self and dove in to save your one true love!"  Overcome with
joy, he smoothed her damp hair--and didn't plan to stop there.
        "Hey!"  gasped Akane.  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"
        "Let go of me!"  Ranma demanded, trying desperately to squirm out
of Kunou's grasp but having not luck at all.  Something stirred within
her, but she was too pissed to focus on it.
        Kunou heard Akane's voice and gasped.  "Ah, Akane Tendou, is that
you?  How I rejoice.  Both my true loves have come to check upon me!"
Still hugging Ranma, he tried to climb out of the water, decided he wasn't
holding his osage-no-onna tightly enough, and moved his hand to clutch her
across her back and down to her--
        Ranma jerked as Kunou squeezed.  Hard.  That familiar anger welled
up in her, and the tingling was suddenly much more intense.  <Why, this .
. this
. . hentai... !>
        "Kunou, let go of..."  Akane noticed Ranma doing the red-aura
thing again.  A second later she leaped out of the way as Ranma's red ki
blast sent Kunou crashing through the fence and into the stratosphere.

        "Ranma, are you okay?"  Akane asked as she helped her fiance climb
up.
        "Never better,"  a soaking wet Onna-Ranma said through her teeth,
watching with satisfaction as Kunou's battered form finally reappeared to
crash down a few feet away.
        Akane winced at the impact.  "Ugh.  I'm sure that hurt.  Ranma, you
did it again.  But this time"--her gaze trailed along the smouldering
pavement to the crumbling wall of the nearby shops-- "you did a lot more
damage."  She sighed. The owners weren't going to be happy to see their
stores in the morning.
        "No kidding."  Ranma ignored the abused buildings to regard the
smoking form of Kunou and shrugged.  Like the old freak, Kunou would
recover--after a day or two.
        "You sure you're okay?"
        Ranma rolled her eyes.  "I'm fine.  I'm just glad I got that lech
off me.  Seems like he was squeezing a lot harder than usual, if such a
thing's possible for him."
        "Mmm."  Akane stood back and regarded Ranma.  Her fiance had this
odd expression on her face.  Akane wasn't sure, but ideas were forming
underneath that mop of red hair, ideas Akane knew would make trouble for
days to come.
        "Uh, Ranma?"  She watched as Ranma clenched her fists.  "Are you
feeling... those pains again?  You don't look so..."
        Ranma started smiling, then laughing maniacally.  Akane "promise
posed," taken off-guard.
        "You know, Akane,"  Ranma said between cackles, "I think _this_
curse might be the answer to my problems!"

Part II:  Sunday in the Park with...                         Kunou?!

        "Welcome to womanhood, Ranma,"  Nabiki quipped, jabbing Ranma in
the side, a huge smile on her face.
        Her target, comtemplating against the door frame, opened one eye to
glare at her.  "Leave me alone, Nabiki."
        "Oh, this is rich.  Rich!"  Nabiki giggled, thinking of the
numerous opportunities this was opening for her.
        "What's rich?"  Just then Akane entered, dressed in her gi and
wiping her forehead and neck with a towel.  She stopped short when she
spied Ranma.
        "Wha--"  she mumbled, her eyes making that squelchy nocie as she
blinked.  "Ranma--why are you a girl right now?"  Especially since Dr.
Toufuu had advised he try to avoid being a girl until this was over.
        Nabiki giggled.  "Just experiencing the joys of womanhood, aren't
you, young lady?"
        Ranma speered her with a dark look.  "Shaddup!"
        "Nabiki, leave him alone,"  Akane snapped.
        Her elder sister stepped back.  "Oh, you're defending him again.
How sweet."
        Akane bared her teeth.  "I am not!"
        "Uh-huh, whatever you say."  Still giggling, Nabiki sauntered out
of the room.
        Sighing, Akane turned back to Ranma.  "Well, what's with the girl
body?  Can't follow doctor's orders?"
        Ranma sniffed and turned up her nose.  "Not that you care, but I'm
like this for a reason."
        Akane casually slung her towel over her shoulder.  "Which is?"
        "It just so happens I can cope with this 'Haze thing better when
I'm female.  I don't wanna stay like this--it brings back memories of
being stuck like this--but it's only for a few days at least."
        "Huh?"  Akane stared at her.  "You mean you can't handle it in your
regular body?  And you call yourself a man!  Ha!"
        "Hey, back off!"  Ranma brought up her fist, although she wasn't
about to strike her fiancee.  "Would you rather I passed out every time I
got pissed off?  Huh?  Would you?"
        Akane swallowed.  "Oh, is... that why you fell into the water
yesterday?"
        "Yeah, I..."  Ranma clenched and unclenched her fist,
remembering.  "Right after I knocked Kunou out I started thinking about
every time that jerk's touched me, and... my boy body reacted kinda
badly."
        "So you fainted."
        "I _passed out_.  There's a difference."
        "Umm."
        "Anyway,"  Ranma continued, flustered, "whenever I get really mad,
I get this weird tingling sensation.  I usually end up blasting some jerk
to kingdom come when I'm a girl, but when it happens when I'm a boy, I-I--
"
        "Faint."
        "Pass out!"
        Akane sniffed.  "Whatever."  Suddenly she felt a little sheepish.
Then her jaw hardened.  "Well, anyway,"  she called over her shoulder as
she ascended the stairs, "deal with it as best you can.  Just don't go
chasing Kunou or anything."
        Ranma choked.  "Are you NUTS?  Why would I--"
        Akane giggled.  "You just can't take a joke, can you?"  Then she
froze.  She'd just reminded Ranma of Kunou!  <Uh-oh.  What if he...>
        To her relief, Ranma's only reaction was letting her face drain of
color.  Akane snorted and ascended the stairs.  <Guess the idiot knows
better than to try that on _me_.>
        "Chase after Kunou?  What kind of guy does she think I am?"  As
soon as the words came out, Ranma looked down at herself, and a half-smile
formed on her face.  "Humph.  Well, she hasn't a thing to worry about.
Kunou chases _me,_ not the other way around.  And I know why."    She
smirked.  "My sex appeal--something Akane wishes she had."
        A split second later a heavy chair came crashing down.

        "Master Kunou, Master Kunou, are you all right?"  Sasuke, the
Kunou's ninja, asked, shaking his employer.
        "Huh--what--where am I?"  Kunou groaned.
        "At home, Master.  I, your own humble manservant, discovered you
lying in the streets two days ago and saw fit to bear you home."
        "Is that so?"  Kunou replied absentmindedly.  He sat up and
squinted, trying to make out his surroundings.  He glanced down at his
tattered robe and winced, remembering.  "Ugh.  Methinks the lady doth
protest too much."
        Sasuke blinked.  "Uh, Master, what are you talking about?"
        Kunou calmly mustered enough strength to pound Sasuke with his
replacement bokken.
        "Fool!"  he yelled.  "Can you not see my battered body?"
        "Uh, no, Master.  Unfortunately I ...can't open my eyes just
now--ohh!"  He fainted.
        Kunou continued on regardless.  "Oh, what a tragedy!  My beloved
Pig-Tailed Goddess, who relished my caresses one moment, turned against me
the next."  He sobbed, recalling the horror vividly.  "She would never
have done so on her own."  He clenched and shook his fist at the heavens.
"That Ranma Saotome is to blame.  I curse the day I ever met him!"
        He leapt from his futon, tromping Sasuke in the process, and
melodramatically threw himself against the window.
        "My love, my poor, innocent love.  How could she do this to me?
Even under that cursed Ranma Saotome's influence, could she not see that
all I desire is to bask in her presence, to shower her with gifts, to date
with her--"
        Kunou froze, his strange little mind struggling to find a logical
reason for his Goddess' behavior.  Suddenly he had it.
        "Of course!  How could I not have seen it?  A date.  She is angry
because I have not requested a date with her.  It has been too long
indeed."  He turned around, looking for his manservant.  "My good Sasuke,
attend me."  When the small ninja didn't answer, Kunou frowned.  "Sasuke?
Where are--"  Then he spotted Sasuke, sprawled out on the floor.  Gritting
his teeth, he kicked him.  "Wake up, you idiot!"
        "Eh?"  The sudden pain woke Sasuke from unconsciousness.  The next
thing he knew, Kunou had grabbed him by his collar and dragged him up so
he could look his master straight in the eye.
        "Sasuke, I will pen a letter, and you will deliver it to the Pig-
Tailed One.  Immediately."

        "A letter from Kunou?"  Ranma, in boy form for the time being, eyed
the piece of paper a beaming Nabiki handed him.
        "You got it."  Nabiki winked.  "Sasuke left it.  Kunou-baby just
can't get enough of you, can he?"  she added, waving as she left the room.
        Shivers ran up and down Ranma's spine.  <Now what does the jerk
want?> he wondered, working to keep his anger in check.  Groaning, he
skimmed the letter and winced.  Just as he'd suspected, it was to his
girl-side.  <That guy never gives up,>  he thought as he continued
reading.  Although most believed the lovesick Kunou didn't understand the
male and female Ranmas were one in the same, Ranma couldn't help but
wonder sometimes.  After all, the guy _had_ seen him transform in front of
him several times, although Kunou _did_ seem to misinterpret the change.
A whole lot.
        "He wants a date.  Shoulda known."  Otoko-Ranma threw the paper
aside and slumped back down on the futon.  He stared at the ceiling for a
while, imagining patterns in the woodwork as he mused.
        <A date.  Yeah, right.  Like I'd want to go out with a nuisance
like him.  And even if I did have a good--a really good--reason for
putting myself through _that_ again-->
        As soon as he'd thought it, he bolted upright and slapped his
forehead.  <Man, I'm such a... . Of _course_ I've got a good reason.>
His eyes narrowed.
        He reached for a nearby pen to write an answer.

        "Are you sure you want to go through with this, Ranma?"
        Onna-Ranma eyed Akane askance.  "Might as well."  She looked
herself over in the mirror and nodded at her reflection.
        Annoyed, Akane leaned against the wall and folded her arms.  "Boy,
if your mother could see you now."
        Ranma eyed her sideways.  "Ma won't be back for another week, so
she won't see nothing, will she?"  she snapped.  "Besides, I have to look
convincing for that jerk Kunou."
        Akane rolled her eyes and changed the subject.  "Ranma, I know
Kunou's a pain, but why bother?"
        "Isn't it obvious?"  Ranma casually flicked aside her pigtail.  "I
mean, I might as well make the most out of this little 'problem' of mine,
dontcha think?  You have no idea how disgusted I feel whenever he touches
me."  She made a face.
        "Um, excuse me, Ranma, but Kunou's obsessed with me, too,"  Akane
pointed out.  "And he's grabbed me a few times, too, though he seems to
prefer you."
        Ranma decided she didn't like the sneer in Akane's voice.  "And
what's _that_ supposed to mean, huh?"
        Akane narrowed her eyes.  "Oh, surely you remember the time you
kissed him?"
        Ranma looked her straight in the eye.  "Look,"  she said, jabbing a
finger in Akane's direction, "that was during that dumb play, and I put
tape over his mouth first!  It didn't count!"
        Akane yawned.  "Right."  She decided to let the matter drop.
"Still, though... Ranma, don't you think this plan is a little
sadistic?  You know, he's certain to grab you, and when he does..."
She shivered in spite of herself at the memory of Ranma's ki blasts.
Luckily the pond and yard weren't damaged beyond repair.  Nor were Ranma's
two victims, Happousai and Kunou.  She marveled at that.  Maybe deep down
inside Ranma didn't want to kill them, just teach them a lesson.
        "Sadistic?  Ha!"  Ranma snorted.  "How can you talk, when all you
ever do is slam me around?  Boy, are you unladylike!"
        Fire danced in Akane's eyes, and suddenly she was doing the blue-
aura thing again.  Ranma gulped.  <Why don't I learn to keep my big mouth
shut?>
        But strangely enough, Akane didn't hit her, just gave her the evil
eye.  <Hmm,>  Ranma thought, terrified,  <that means I'm a dead man when I
come home.>
        Then Akane smiled her I'm-going-to-kill-you-when-you-least-expect-
it smile and said very sweetly,   "Well, enjoy your date.  I hope you have
lots of fun."
        "Uh, yeah,"  the red-head replied, sweating.

        "Such a glorious day!  A good omen.  It means my rendezvous with
the Pig-Tailed Girl will run smoothly."
        Tatewaki Kunou, dressed in one of his finest samurai robes and
holding a bouquet of roses, stood beside the park fountain.  Oblivious to
everything around him, he could think of only one thing:  making up with
his scorned love.
        It was 8:15 p.m.  She was fifteen minutes late.  Kunou peered
around.
        "Whither my Pig-Tailed Goddess?"  he wondered aloud.
        "I'm, ah, right here,"  a familiar voice answered.
        Kunou glanced up.  Perched atop one of the branches was Ranma,
wearing the red and gold Chinese style dress Kunou favored.  Gracefully
she bolted from the branch to land a few feet away.
        "As lithe and as graceful as the Goddess Diana,"  commented Kunou.
        <Yeah, whatever.>  Ranma took a deep breath and with ease slipped
into her "kawaii but angry as hell" persona.  She turned her back on him
and pouted.
        "Humph.  You're lucky I answered your letter, Kunou.  I'm really
quite angry with you, you know."  For good measure she let her voice
falter a bit.
        Kunou caught the undertone of distress in her voice and started
sweating.  "My love, I'm sorry to have caused you grief."  Involuntarily
he reached for her.
        Ranma caught the movement out the corner of her eye and grinned
mischieviously.  <That's it, Kunou.  One little touch, and then... >
Perfectly still, Ranma braced herself for the inevitable.
        Kunou's hands never reached her.
        She frowned.  <Now what?>  Impatient, she spun around to see Kunou
. . hesitating?
        "Uh, Kunou, what's wrong?  Aren't you gonna..."
        Kunou blinked.  Unless Ranma was crazy, the samurai appeared...
uneasy?
        "Pig-Tailed Girl,"  he said, "forgive me.  Usually I am not one to
refuse comfort to a lady in need, but... as I recall... you were
somewhat... peeved the other day, and you, ah..."
        Ranma paled, bracing herself for a heart attack.  Kunou was
_remembering that_?  "You-you remember what I did to you?"
        "Yes, my love.  I, Tatewaki Kunou--"
        <Oh god.  Another speech.>  Ranma tapped her foot impatiently.
        "--have realized the folly of my ways.  Your anger was as righteous
as that of the Goddess Nemesis.  Truly my negligence to date with you more
often inspired your ire.  Allow me to make up for it."  Like a dashing Sir
Galahad, Kunou handed her the bouquet.  "Ahem.  These are for you."
        Ranma gulped.  Something was seriously wrong here.  This wasn't the
Kunou she was used to.  And it was really, really scary.
        "Gee, thanks," Ranma, completely as at a loss, mumbled as she took
the roses.  <Oh, man.  Not only doesn he remember what I did, but he feels
sorry he made me mad!  Damn.  This screws up everything.>  Her left eye
started twitching.
        The look of distress on her face alarmed Kunou.  "What?  Have I
wronged you again?  Arrgh!  I curse the day I was born!"  Without thinking
he flew to her and grabbed her hands, making her drop the bouquet.
        Ranma snapped out it, thinking here was her chance.
        Something stirred, but... she couldn't project her ki.
        <What the hell... ?>
        "Pig-Tailed Girl,"  her suitor continued, gazing into her eyes
despite the fact she wasn't even focusing on him, "from now on I will
conduct myself like a true gentleman.  I shall devote myself to you every
waking day of my life."
        Ranma's jaw dropped.  <You don't realize you've been doing that all
along?  Where have you been?>
        "Besides," he continued, "it is time to seal our bond of love
forever."
        "FOREVER?"
        "Ah, you are as overjoyed as I!"  Tears of joy streamed down his
face as he hugged her close.
        Ranma thought, <Surely now... >
        Again the stirring of something, then... nothing.
        <What's wrong with me?  This jerk has touched me twice, and I still
can't arouse my ki.>  She frowned.  <The pain's still there, but it's not
as bad as when I'm a boy.>  Squirming in Kunou's embrace as the samurai
babbled on, Ranma wracked her brain.  <OK, when Dr. Toufuu mentioned that
freak Happousai's name, I almost did it then.  Almost.  I felt the anger
and pain, but my ki wouldn't respond.>  She tried to wiggle out again, but
to no avail.  She sighed and continued musing.  She recalled the last
times she was able to use the 'Haze--once when Happousai had grabbed her
chest the other day, the second when Kunou had squeezed her behind in the
water--
        Suddenly it dawned on her.  Physical perversion.  Those instances
included physical acts of perversion.  Maybe her ki wasn't responding
because Kunou wasn't grabbing choice parts of her anatomy.  He was
definitely just holding her, not feeling her up as he usually did.
        <But I don't like him or that little freak touching me--period,>
her thoughts screamed.  <And this still doesn't make sense.  I mean, the
old freak is still as twisted as ever, though he _has_ been avoiding me
lately.  Right now it's just this--ugh!--fool that's changed.>
        Feeling ill, Ranma broke out of her reverie just in time to hear
Kunou's latest outbursts.
        "My love,"  he was saying, "it is time we take one step further to
our eternal happiness:  We must announce our engagement to the world!"
        "En-en-GAGEMENT?"
        "Yes, my love, for we are to wed soon.  Bwahhahahahahaaaa!"
        That was just too much for Ranma.  Her eyes welling up with tears,
she let out a bloodcurdling scream.

        Akane glanced up as the front door slided open.  In walked Ranma,
staggering and staring forward as if she were hypnotized.
        "Ranma?  What's wrong with you?"
        "He... he..." the red-head mumbled.
        Akane rolled her eyes.  "Let me guess.  You had a wonderful time on
your 'date,' is that it?"
        Then Ranma did something truly unexpected.  She ran into Akane's
arms and burst out wailing.
        "Aaaaaah!  Ranma, what-what's wrong with you?  Get off!"
        Akane's outburst brought various members of the household running.
They rushed in to find Ranma sobbing into Akane's lap.
        "Oh, dear.  Did you hit him again, Akane?"  asked Kasumi.
        "Son,"  Souun said, confused and a little uncomfortable with where
Ranma's head was resting, "what are you doing?"
        <Ranma,>  Genma-Panda's sign read, <be a man and stop crying.>
        "Ooh, boy,"  Nabiki commented, "I guess Kunou-baby wasn't exactly
gentle, was he?"
        "Would you guys stop it?"  Bombarding her family with dirty looks,
Akane reached down and pushed her fiance back.  She started to shake her
when she noticed the terror on Ranma's face.
        "Hey, you-you don't look so good,"  Akane whispered, worried.
        "He sure doesn't,"  Nabiki added, bending down to look Ranma in the
face.  "Gosh, he looks like he's been to hell and back."
        "I have,"  the red-head whipsered hoarsely.
        "Eh?"  Souun leaped forward and grabbed Ranma by the collar of her
dress.  "Son, what happened to you?  Snap out of it!"  He shook her.  When
his future son-in-law didn't respond, Souun burst into tears.
        "Dad!  Stop it."  Akane grabbed Ranma just as her father let go and
began wailing to the kami about Ranma being brain-dead, and how he'd lost
his one chance of getting one of his daughters wed.  Kasumi and Nabiki
continued to look on while Genma-Panda munched a piece of bamboo.
        Furious with her fiance's behavior, Akane shook Ranma one last
time.  "All right, you.  Out with it.  Why are you acting like such a
baby?"
        Slowly Ranma turned her head to look Akane straight in the eye.
        "Kunou told me he and I are getting m... m-ma..."
        "Getting WHAT?"
        "... m-married..."  Ranma forced out.
        Shocked beyond belief, everyone (except Akane, who was too busy
twitching), crashed to the floor in a group faint.

Part III:  Always a Bridesmaid and Never a              Groom

        "I hate my life... I hate my life... oh god, do I hate my life!"
        Otoko-Ranma lay on his futon, staring up at the ceiling as he
shared his anguish with the world.
        "He's sending out invitations.  Invitations!"  he wailed.
        Meanwhile, outside the door, the rest of the cast tittered amongst
themselves.
        "So it's finally happened,"  Nabiki was saying.  "I know Ranma's
been trying to get out of marrying you, Akane, but this--"
        "Akane,"  Kasumi said, "I know you and Ranma argue a lot, but--"
        Ranma's voice (in the background):  "And he's planning to announce
it all over town!  I'll be ruined!"
        <Why does the boy always try to undermine fate?>  Genma-Panda
signed, ignoring his son's outbursts.
        "Akane, oh, Akane,"  Souun sobbed, "I'm so sorry for you--"
        "WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP IT?"  Akane thundered.
        Everyone immediately quieted while taking two--or three--steps
back.
        "And I though it was Ranma who was going to be hormonal,"  Nabiki
commented half to herself, stepping out of harm's way.
        "Akane,"  Souun interjected, grabbing his little girl's hands, his
tear-stained face staring into hers, "please, please go talk him out of
it.  This is such a travesty!  What will become of the Anything Goes
School of Martial Arts if Ranma... if Ranma..."  Grief overcame him.
        Biting back an urge to scream, Akane took a deep breath.  "Dad,
Ranma's not going to marry Kunou.  It's all a big misunderstanding.  You
know how Kunou is."
        "Yeah, lord of the biggest libido on the planet, besides
Happousai,"  Nabiki quipped.
        "But Akane,"  Kasumi pointed out, "Ranma says he and Kunou are--"
        "Getting married!"  Souun finished, wailing.
        "Yes, exactly,"  Kasumi continued evenly.  "You should go talk to
him. As his fiancee, it's your duty to--"
        "My duty, my duty--it's always my duty!"  Akane shouted.
"Honestly!  You don't have anything to worry about.  Ranma's not going to
marry Kunou.  He_hates_ Kunou.  He has _no desire_ for Kunou.  None.
Besides, he's engaged to me."
        "Meaning?"  Nabiki prompted.  Everyone leaned forward.
        The short-haired young woman's battle aura started flaring up.
"Meaning,"  she hissed through her teeth, "that he's not going to marry an
even bigger pervert than himself.  That he's going to be a single man for
the rest of his life.  Period.  That's"--deep breath-- "all."
        "Oh."  Everyone looked disappointed.
        Akane blinked.  Was this really her family?  Muttering under her
breath, she marched away.
        <Well,>  Genma-Panda signed, <we're not getting anywhere with those
two.>
        "I agree, Saotome,"  babbled the still-weepy Souun, draping an arm
around his old friend's furry shoulders.  The two fathers shuffled away
with Kasumi and Nabiki in tow.
        Only when they were gone did Akane slip back to the door, knock
cautiously, and sneak inside.
        "Ranma?"  She shut the door as quietly as possible and turned to
see her fiance sitting up, sulking.
        "Whaddaya want?"  he grumbled.
        She folded her arms.  "Well, Mr. Hot-Shot Martial Artist, how are
you going to handle this situation?"
        "Whadda you care?"  He suddenly became interested in the floor.
        Akane turned up her nose.  "It's possible I don't.  But then, maybe
I'm just curious."
        "Nosy is more like it,"  Ranma muttered.
        Silence.  Akane turned away.
        <She probably just came here to rub my face in it,>  he mused,
forgetting Akane for the moment.  <Oh man.  What a life.  First this Red
Haze thing, and now this.>
        "Man, I can't believe it didn't work!"
        "What didn't work?"
        Ranma's pigtail stood erect.  "You still here?"
        "Yes, stupid.  What didn't work?"  she repeated, sitting down next
to him.
        He glanced away.  "That so-called devastating technique Dr. Toufuu
says I've got didn't work at all."
        "But-but that can't be.  Didn't Kunou--didn't he--"
        "Of course he did!  When hasn't he?"  He shuddered with the
memories of Kunou's numerous perversions against him.  "It's just that . .
that last time, I couldn't perform."
        Akane swallowed.  "P-perform?"
        "Hey!"  Ranma frowned, eyeing her askance.  "Not _that._  Geez, and
you call me a pervert!"
        "Couldn't resist,"  said Akane drily.
        *Grumble.*  "Anyway, I couldn't project my ki.  I felt the pain and
anger, but I couldn't do it.  And I really, really wanted to teach that
jerk a lesson."  He stared down at the sheets, squinting as he thought the
matter over.  "If I didn't know better, I'd say I scared the hell out of
him... and it... changed him."  He briefly told Akane everything
about the date.  When he finished, Akane's hand flew over her mouth.
        "So _that's_  what provokes it?  But then--why haven't you been
able to do this before?  Your ki potential is pretty strong to begin
with."
        "Geez, how should I know?  I sure as hell..."  He stopped, sensing the pain.
        Akane gasped.  "What is it?"
        Ranma took a deep breath.  "I... gotta watch getting angry in my
regular body,"  he explained.
        Understanding, Akane nodded.
        He raked a hand through his thick mop of black hair.  "Ugh.  If I
don't think of something fast, I'm gonna end up killing the jerk."
        <Or getting killed,>  Akane thought.  <Something like this just
might drive Dad completely over the edge.>  "So... why don't you just
beat him up or something?  That's about the same as ki-blasting him--and
probably less destructive.  Besides, a macho jerk like you always thinks
fighting is the way to
solve anything."
        "Aw, what good will that do?  You're such an idiot sometimes,
Akane, I swear.  You know as well as I do that it's the _girl_ me than has
more influence with that twit."
        Bristling under his latest insult, Akane spat, "Well, obviously the
_girl_ you failed miserably, or you wouldn't be in this mess."
        "What?"
        "Well, it's true.  Face it, Ranma, you lost that fight."
        "Hey, I don't lose to nobody, especially not to a pea-brain like
Kunou!"
        Akane's gaze was riveted on him.  "So what are you going to do?"
        "Well, I'm gonna... gonna... uh..."  He blushed deep red.
        "You have no idea."
        "I never said that!"
        Rolling her eyes, Akane got up.  "Well, you'd better think of
something, or it's 'traditional Japanese wife' for you."
        Ranma looked as if he wanted to die.  "Don't say that!"  He watched
her move towards the door.  "You're-you're just gonna leave me in my
misery?"
        "You want me to stay?"  She glanced back at him.  Almost lovingly.
        "Uh..."  Ranma briefly wondered just how red his face was.  "No,
I just thought maybe you... needed to nag me a little more."
        Akane sniffed.  "Humph."  She opened the door and jumped back as
several bodies tumbled through the doorway and onto the floor.

        Otoko-Ranma dashed up to Akane, who was making her way to the
training hall, and grabbed her by her shoulders.
        "Hey!"  Her ire was enflamed, but strangely she didn't hit him.
"Now what's wrong with you?"
        "Akane, I got an idea!  I know how to deal with Kunou!"
        Her demeanor softened a little.  "You do?  How are you--"
        "Well, I--"  He stopped, realizing he was holding her, and that
maybe some of the cast members were spying on them--again.  He hastily
let go.
        As if sensing his thoughts, Akane jerked away.  "Hands off!"
        "Didn't wanna touch you.  It was an accident.  Nyaah!"
        Akane balled up her fist.  "Please say what you have to so I can
go,"  she growled through her teeth.
        "Like I said, I found a way to deal with Kunou.  It's the perfect
way to keep him from announcing our so-called 'nuptials.'"  He gagged at
the last word.
        "Which is?"  his fiancee asked, feigning a yawn.
        "Simple.  Ki-blasting him."
        Akane's irises shrunk to pinpoints.  "With what--your Moukou
Takabisha?"
        Ranma's irises followed suite.  "No, you slow chick.  With the
'Haze.  Duh."
        She tweaked his nose and ignored his squeal of pain as she thought.
She didn't want him resorting to the Red Haze, but she knew it was
pointless to argue with him.  "But he won't touch you... like that,
anyway.  Or have you forgotten?"
        "No problem.  I just gotta"--he forced the words out-- "make him
touch me."
        Akane gasped.  Getting Kunou to do that would definitely involve...
well, some form of seduction.  She knew Ranma would do just about
anything to avenge himself, but still...
        "You wouldn't."  She shook her head.  "Ranma, that's crazy!  He's
hot enough for you as it is!  Why make him worse?"
        "You think I can't handle him?"
        "You couldn't before!"
        "Aw, that's because I... got distracted."  <And because I didn't
think of it at the time.>  "Besides, I ain't gonna... you know..."
        At a loss, Akane chewed her bottom lip.  "You really think your
plan's going to work?"  It sounded like a question, but she meant it more
like a statement.
        As usual, Ranma's arrogance resurfaced.  "Hey, you're looking at
Ranma Saotome.  I don't fail."
        "Course not."  She shook her head.  "You really will do anything to
win a fight,"  she muttered before walking past him.
        As he watched her retreating form, Ranma sighed.
        <Man, how pathetic.  I'd swear the tomboy was right.>

        Hours later an arrow bearing a letter whizzed its way onto the
Kunou grounds.  Luckily Sasuke was nearby to retrieve it (he'd narrowly
missed being skewered by it, after all).  Noting it was addressed to
Kunou, the little ninja hurried to where his master was practicing.
        Sasuke found Kunou fencing out in the courtyard and handed him the
letter.  As Kunou had hoped, it ws from his Pig-Tailed Goddess, requesting
he meet her in the practice field of Furinkan High at 8pm that night.
After reading it, Kunou burst into tears of joy and started thinking about
wedding bands.

        "Stupid jerk is late,"  Onna-Ranma muttered, leaning against a
tree.  "Shoulda known.  He's probably somewhere composing an ode to my
hair or something similarly dumb like that."
        Unconsciously Ranma smoothed the off-the-shoulder green dress she
wore.  It was a little form-hugging, but Ranma wasn't concerned.  Although
he knew the impact his female self had on males--especially ones like
Kunou--Ranma felt that as long as the ends justified the means, it was OK.
        It was another twenty minutes before Kunou finally arrived.
        "Just like the rich to be fashionably late,"  Ranma drawled, spying
Kunou's approaching form.  This time he wore a different, more elaborate
robe, had his bokken scabbarded at his side, carried another bouquet of
roses--and a little black box which had to include an engagement ring.
        "Veiled by the blessed night, the noble lord goes to meet his lady
fair,"  Kunou intoned, stopping a couple of feet away.
        Ranma marveled at the sight.  <Geez, he went all out,>  she
mentally commented, glancing over his emsemble.
        "So, my love, you've beckoned, and I've come,"  Kunou continued.
He admired her.  "How lovely you are."
        "Um, yeah,"  was all Ranma could say.
        A moment of silence.  Then Kunou burst into tears, causing a
shocked Ranma to spring back, "promise posing."
        "At last!"  he shouted to the skies, still clutching the bouquet
and ring.  "I, Tatewaki Kunou, have truly found happiness."  Before Ranma
could move, he leapt forward and grabbed her hands, provoking an *eep!*
from his beloved.  "Soon, my Pig-Tailed Venus, the preparations will be
final."
        "Oh... will they?"  Ranma half-giggled, half whimpered.
        "Why, of course!  Even as we speak, my good Sasuke is preparing to
send out the wedding announcements."
        The red-head's eyes widened until they covered over half her face.
"Wedding announcements?!"
        "Indeed.  Even my twisted sister Kodachi, the Black Rose herself,
has offered to help."  His expression became thoughtful.  "She insists on
baking the wedding cake, which will be poisoned, I'd wager."
        Ranma started twitching.  "Wedding cake..."  A woman (man?)
of lesser constitution would have fainted dead away by now.
        <Now this is going way too far!>  Growling, Ranma wrenched her
hands away.  "No, no, no, NO!"
        Kunou blinked.  "You are not pleased?  I know my sister has a
grudge against you, but surely this time she means well--"
        Ranma screamed and grabbed him by the collar.  "No, you blockhead,
that's not what I meant!"  For good measure she shook him.
        The samurai started sweating.  "Pig-Tailed Girl, what have I done?"
        "What have you--"  Now Ranma knew this had to be a nightmare.  This
Kunou couldn't be the same one who'd lusted after and pursued her all this
time.  And he hadn't started acting this way until Ranma had Hazed him.
<For crying out loud--what did I _do_ to him?>
        Frustrated beyond belief, Ranma leapt back.  The plan she'd
formulated completely discarded, she assumed a battle-ready stance.  "OK,
you.  I don't know what your problem is, but I've had enough!  I ain't
marrying you, you got that?  And you can tell that little chipmunk ninja
of yours to forget about sending out any invitations."  She scowled.  "So
suck on that.  And if you wanna fight about it, I'm ready."
        Kunou stood stock-still, completely at a loss.  "Come again?  Fight
you?  It is not a gentleman's place to fight a lady."
        "WHAT are you babbling about?  Let's fight already!"
        "It's like before,"  Kunou whispered.  "You cherished my attentions
one moment, and scorned me the next."  He stared at the red-head a second,
then his eyes narrowed.
        "Ah, but I know what troubles you.  It is that cretin, Ranma
Saotome!  That evil spawn of hell has once again worked his evil upon a
pure, innocent maiden!"  With a flourish he whipped out his bokken and
raised it over his head.  "Enslaver of maids, where are you hiding?"  He
gazed about the moonlit field.  "Come out so that I may punish you!"
        "That's--it!"  Ranma shrieked.  "You idiot--I'M Ranma Saotome.  How
many times do I gotta tell you that?"
        "You?"  Kunou broke out of his reverie and nearly dropped his sword
as he regarded her.  "Impossible!  You merely share his name.  You are
nothing like him."
        "Oh, yeah?"  Tingling with her regular ki, Ranma sneered.  "You
think so?  I've told you a thousand times that Ranma's in this body."
        "In your..."  Kunou paled, wracking his brain for what that
meant. Slowly he lowered his sword.
        An alarm went off in Ranma's head.  <_Now_ what?>
        "In your... body?"  Kunou repeated.  "In... your..."  He
started sweating profusely, gaze riveted on her.  "Then... it is true."
He took one step towards her.
        "WHAT?"
        Another step.  "That fiend!  You poor maid.  He truly _has_
enslaved you."  Grief overtaking him, he dashed towards her.
        "That monster!  Come, my love--my embrace will free you!"
        He "embraced" her.
        Anyone nearby would have seen a flash of bright red and heard a
certain boy-girl screaming as she took out her frustrations on a certain
lovesick young man.

        The next day Akane was sitting on the porch reading, watching as
Onna-Ranma ran about, screaming at Happousai, who'd recently returned and
was now chasing after her with a bra.
        "That idiot,"  Akane muttered.  She hoped he'd learned his lesson.
It was bad enough he hadn't quite resolved the Kunou dilemma, but now that
she thought about it, it was even worse that he'd spent all his time
ignoring the one pervert who really needed to be taught a lesson--
Happousai.
        "Ooh, Ranma,"  Happousai was saying,  "I'm so glad you got over
that nasty Red Haze thing.  I knew all you needed was a few days for it to
pass.  Now I can pursue you to my heart's content.  Hee hee!"   "Get away
from me!"  Ranma screamed, dodging the old man and wishing desperately for
some hot water.
        Nabiki, leaning against the doorframe in her usual spot, watched
the scene with her usual disinterest.  "Happousai knew when to come back,
didn't he?"
        "Seems he did,"  Akane agreed.
        Her elder sister quirked an eye at her.  "So are you gonna help him
or not?"
        "Aaaaaaaaah!  Stop touching me!"
        "Ooh, baby!"
        "Well?"  Nabiki prompted.
        Akane didn't answer.  She reached into hammerspace for her mallet.
A second later Happousai flew into orbit.  Ranma, however, was unscathed.
The next thing she knew, Akane was pouring hot water on her head.
        "Um... thanks.  I needed that,"  Otoko-Ranma muttered, eyes
downcast.
        Since Nabiki was busy scanning the skies for Happousai's Comet,
Akane bent down to whisper in her intended's ear.
        "Next time this Red Haze thing comes around, perhaps you'll put it
to better use."  She glanced up as Happousai's small figure reappeared in
the sky.
        Ranma followed his fiancee's gaze, sensing her meaning.
        "Hmm,"  he said, narrowing his eyes.  "Maybe you're right."

        *THE END... FOR NOW  ;)*

Author's Note:  Well, hope you enjoyed my fanfic.  I just got an idea and
decided to run with it.  This is the first in a series of stories covering
events in Ranma's life which bring him and Akane closer together.

About Kunou's behavior--I just couldn't help myself.  Kunou may be a nut,
but I find him fun to work with.  And I did want to give him a chance to
redeem himself.  Yeah, he's back to normal (abnormal?), but for how long?
And just how 'back to normal (abnormal?)' is he?

About Happousai--I've got plans for that little... *insert expletive
here*.  Don't worry.  I've got it all worked out.  *suddenly growing a
pair of Oni-horns and laughing maniacally*  Hmm, I think I'll have to do
something really eeeeevvill...

Be sure to look for my next installment entitled, "The Love Bug:
Happousai's Revenge."  Surprised by the title?  Just you wait... .

Well, see ya. :)

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