2 - The Love Bug

Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction: "The Love Bug: Happousai's Revenge" (Installment #2)

By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)

Disclaimer: Yes, all of these characters ultimately belong to Takahashi
Rumiko-sama (long may she reign as
Princess of the Manga!), but the story idea is mine. For continuity's
sake it might behoove thee (oh
god, I'm starting to sound like Kunou-chan) to read my previous
installment "Onslaught of the Red Haze."
As I mentioned in my "Haze" story, my tales take place sometime after the
events of manga Vol. 38. And
now, the travesty--er, story. :)

PART I: Hell Hath No Fury Like a Hentai Scorned

        Little did our beloved friends in the Ranmaverse know was that they
were about to encounter one of the legendary Love Bugs.
        What are Love Bugs? They're a species of large insects that are a
cross between mosquitoes and wasps which serve the Kami of Love. As such,
these Bugs' sole purpose is to bless couples truly in love by leaving a heart-
shaped sting mark over the hearts of the lucky guy and gal (or whatever), said
to be visible for at least a couple of weeks.
        Yes, they are noble creatures, but they, too, have a dark side. You
see, Love Bugs are extremely temperamental and don't like to be told they've
made a mistake in blessing someone's relationship. In fact, the world can go
straight to hell when certain people take it upon themselves to set a Love Bug
straight . . .

        "Ooooh, I'm the happiest man alive!"
        Happousai, ancient and perverted martial arts master, rubbed his hands
in anticipation. There they were--several pairs of women's underwear hanging
alone and unloved on the clothesline. Crouching on the roof, Happousai made a
tsk-tsk noise and affected remorse.
        "How sad. To think that some poor, lovely young woman would leave her
silky darlings out in the cold like that. Oh, the evil!" He took a deep
breath, and like a flying squirrel glided down to the clothesline.
        He landed on the line with a soft bounce and chuckled. Hefting the
bag over his shoulder, he reached for the garments and snatched them up, one
by one.
        "Hmm," he murmured as he inspected one of the bras, "now this would
look great on Ranma- chan."
        The mentioning of Ranma Saotome's alter ego made Happousai shake with
rage. How dare that ingrate boy--or _girl,_ as Ranma was at the time--attack
him with the devastating Red Haze and cause him to miss work for two whole
days! Thank the kami the upstart wouldn't be "in phase" for another month.
(Note: The "Red Haze" is a special technique I gave Ranma for his female
form. A physical act of perversion, i.e., grabbing on "her" anatomy, is what
triggers it. Unfortunately, Ranma can only access this power when he/she is
"in phase," that is, during that special time of the month.)

Anger churning within him, Happousai snarled. <That young punk has
absolutely no respect for his master, or his master's wishes,> he mused,
licking his lips as he thought of Onna-Ranma, with her lovely hair, her lovely
eyes, her lovely--
 "Bah!" Happousai spat, stuffing another bra into his bag. "Why am I
here pining anyway? I've got work to do. Besides, I'll get even. Oh, yes,
Ranma will pay. No one makes a fool of Master Happousai and gets away with
it!" He grabbed the last undergarment and spun around--
 --to stare up the pointy beak of a weird-looking insect.
 "Whoa!" Happousai jumped back as he regarded the mosquito-wasp whose
buzzing wings gave off a soft pink glow. The creature was easily as big as a
normal person's fist and had huge, faceted eyes. Judging from the size of the
insect's beak and stinger, Happousai got the idea that swatting at it would be
detrimental to his health.
 <<Hello, there,>> the Bug thought at him.
 Happousai blinked. A psychic bug? What kind of creature was this?
"Uh . . . " he began.
 <<Oh, I'm sorry,>> the Bug said in his mind. <>
 "Oh, think nothing of it," replied the old man, relieved that the Bug
wasn't hostile. "It happens." He hurriedly shoved a stray bra strap down
into his bag.
 The creature sighed. <<Oh good. I was worried. You see, I'm a third
class, semi-limited Love Bug just recently sent from the Goddess Relief
Office, and-->>
 "Love Bug?" Happousai wracked his brain. Then he brightened. "Ah,
yes, now I remember! You _are_ one of those illustrious creatures. I take it
you're on assignment to bless some lucky couple in love." He laughed, he
hoped, good- naturedly. "I'm, ah, guessing that I'm probably not the lucky
stud of the pair."
 <<True,>> the Love Bug continued, <<but since you're here, could you
please help me?>> It gave one of those large-eyed pleading kawaii looks.
 Even a monster like Happousai was helpless before a look like that,
especially since the Bug's mind-voice sounded like that of a young female.
 "Certainly, little one," he said.
 The Bug actually looked relieved. <<Well, you see, my Hive Supervisor
sent me out to bless someone named-->> It paused, trying hard to remember.
<<Oh dear. Let's see. I know it's a young man, he's got a curse-->>
 "Turns into a busty young woman?" Happousai slavered.
 The Bug brightened. <<Why yes! You've heard of him?>>
 "Why, of course, little one. Everyone knows about him." His eyes
narrowed. "So you're looking for Ranma Saotome, eh?"
 <<Yes. I have to find him. He's long overdo for a blessing, he and
that cute fiancee of his--oh, what's her name-->>
 "Akane Tendou," Happousai proffered.
 <<Right. Do you know where they are?>>
 Happousai didn't answer. He was remembering something about Love Bugs
and their pride. He began chuckling, then he launched into full-scale
cackling.
 "You poor little thing," Happousai said, affecting sorrow, "have I
got something to tell you about those two!"

        Otoko-Ranma adjusted the strap on the enormous backpack he carried and
glared at his father. Genma Saotome, in human form for a change, trudged up
the slope easily, having pushed his burden off on his son.
        "Hey, old man," Ranma called, perfectly able to keep up the pace but
refusing to venture too close to the man who'd screwed him over countless
times, "how come I gotta carry all this crap?"
        Genma pushed up his specs and glanced back. "It's for your own good,
boy," he answered in his usual patronizing tone. "You've been slacking off
lately, and carrying that load will be good exercise for you."
        "That's right, Son," Souun Tendou agreed from a couple of feet ahead.
"A true martial artist must always stay in perfect physical shape."
        "Besides," Genma laughed, "it's not every day we get a chance to go
camping."
        "Camping? Hah!" Ranma snorted. "The only reason we're on this
stupid trek is because Ma came back from her trip and decided I needed to go
back into the wilderness to train." He had a flashback to his mother Nodoka,
waving her polished katana and smiling, saying Ranma needed to stay strong so
he could have strong children.
        "And on top of that," he continued, "she insisted we bring the
tomboy."
        "I heard that," the tomboy in question snapped from behind him,
struggling with her own pack and wishing she had something to clobber her
fiance with. "I can't believe Mrs. Saotome talked me into coming with you.
My life is miserable enough."
        "_Your_ life?" Ranma glanced back at her. "How do you think I feel?
I ain't gonna get a moment's peace with you whining and trying to poison me.
Man, I wish Kasumi could've come. At least Nabiki had an excuse to stay home.
Not that it matters 'cause even with just you around my life will be a living
h--"
        *Pow!*
        Scowling, Ranma rubbed the back of his head. "Stupid woman. I was
just telling the truth."
        "Oh yeah?" Akane's gaze burned into him. "Well, I guess now the
truth hurts, doesn't it?" Her brow furrowed prettily. "Besides, I've been
practicing with Kasumi lately, and I _can_ boil water. Whatever I cook,
you're going to eat and like!"
        "Not if I don't want to."
        "Now, now," Souun chucked nervously, stepping between the feuding
pair, "let's not have that. I really don't see why you two just can't be
civil to eath other--"
        "WE DON'T WANT TO BE CIVIL TO EACH OTHER!" Ranma and Akane informed
Souun simultaneously.
        The hurricane their outburst generated blasted Souun down the trail,
where he landed in a shaken heap.
        "Tendou, are you okay?" Genma called after him. The gi-clad, middle-
aged man shuffled down the slope after his friend.
        Akane and Ranma groaned, rolled their eyes, and continued on their
way.

Meanwhile, Happousai was filling the Love Bug in on some much- needed
information.
 "It's true," the old man insisted, shaking his head. "Those two
can't stand each other. All they ever do is fight. If only you could've seen
some of the horrible things those two have done to each other, and so many
innocent bystanders have been hurt . . . . " He affected an expression of
utmost sorrow.
 <<But--but, that _can't_ be!>> the Love Bug's thoughts squealed as it
began glowing an unsightly red. <<My Hive Supervisor never makes a mistake.
Love Bugs DON'T make mistakes.>>
 "Oop!" Happousai leaped back a foot or two as he felt the sting of
heat from the irritable insect. <Hmm,> the old man mused, <the legends are
indeed true. If I keep pushing the right buttons . . . >
 "Now, now," the old man crooned, smiling in a grandfatherly way, "you
shouldn't feel too bad. Humans are such fickle creatures, especially in
matters of love. Remember--Ranma and Akane were engaged against their wills,
so it's only natural they hate each other."
 The Love Bug's eyes narrowed. <<Hate each other?>>
 "Well"--Happousai stroked an imaginary beard--"despise is probably the
better word, I suppose. I'm surprised they haven't killed each other. And
that Ranma--the way he treats poor Akane, you'd think she were a mere fly
under the swatter. Oh, my! He's far worse than she is. An absolutely evil
young man, I tell you. Simply evil!"
 The ancient master paused to observe the Bug's reactions. Sure
enough, the creature shook in the air as though it were having a fit. Certain
of his triumph, Happousai awaited the inevitable.
 <<Why that . . . that . . . >> In such a short time the Love Bug had
succumbed to complete and utter embarrassment, suspicion, and rage. Like an
arrow it zipped up into the sky. As Happousai watched it leave, he heard its
final thoughts.
 <<I'll find them . . . I have to see . . . but it's not true, is it?
Love Bugs DON'T make mistakes! But if that young man _is_ like that kind old
man says he is . . . >> It buzzed out of sight.
 Chuckling, Happousai nodded. Like love itself Love Bugs could be
highly irrational.
 "Perhaps now the ingrate will be more respectful of his elders," the
old hentai cackled before springing off in the direction the Love Bug had
flown, his bag of loot slung over his back.

"Well, Akane, how's that curry coming along?"
 Souun Tendou, warily gazing at the bubbling pot out the corner of his
eye, nevertheless smiled warmly at his daughter as she stirred. Akane glanced
up and grinned.
 "I think it'll be ready in a few minutes, Dad." She wiped her hands
on her apron, put another log on the fire, and took a deep breath. "Mmm, I
just love the great outdoors. Don't you, Dad?"
 Souun took a deep breath and nodded. "Ah, yes. There's nothing like
spending a relaxing evening under the moonlit sky." Overcome with happiness,
he burst into tears.
 Akane sighed. Her father would cry over _anything_. "At least it's
pretty peaceful tonight."
 "Come back here, you stupid old man!" Ranma's voice thundered.
 Akane's left eye started twitching. <Oh no . . . >
 Just then Genma burst out of the nearby bushes, sweating and backing
away, his hands held up defensively. He looked like a man who knew Death was
right behind him. "N-now, s-son," he babbled, "be reasonable. H-how was I
s-supposed to know that mud-hole was there?" He giggled nervously.
 A flung tree branch smacked him right on the head. Genma collapsed in
a "promise posed" heap.
 "Saotome!" Souun stopped weeping long enough to run over to his
injured friend, where he began weeping some more.
 Rolling her eyes, Akane dropped the ladle. "What did you do _now,_
Mr. Saotome?" she asked, though she was certain it included irritating her
fiance.
 As a reply her fiance emerged from the bushes, caked with mud, soaking
wet, scowling like a deranged oni, and well, looking rather female at the
moment.
 "Moron!" Onna-Ranma spat, stomping over to the campsite and planting
herself down on the ground. Wiping a glop of mud out of her red hair, she
scowled at her father.
 "Can't you two ever quit?" Akane grumbled and turned away, but not
before reaching behind herself to pull out a kettle of hot water. Casually
she set it down on the ground.
 "Mind your own business, will ya?" Ranma growled before pouring the
water on her head to change back into a male. That done, Otoko-Ranma sighed
and sat with his head in his hands. "Man, turning into a girl ain't my only
curse."
 "Son," Souun said, leading his friend to the campfire, "how is it
that you repeatedly abuse your father this way?"
 Ranma rolled his eyes at his future father-in-law. "Oh, and I suppose
he's been giving me tender- loving-care all this time?" He brushed another
glob of caked mud off his body. "Besides, this trip was a complete waste of
time. The only thing that stupid old man's been training me in is new ways to
hurt him."
 "Oh the horror!" Genma bawled, shaking his fists. "See, Tendou, my
son is evil. Evil, I tell you!"
 "Oh, shut up, Pop," his son snarled.
 "Hey, hey, that's enough," Akane intervened. "It's time for dinner."
Before the others could protest, she set a bowl of curry and a spoon in front
of each male.
 The men froze, eyeing the food placed in front of them, and exchanged
nervous glances.
 "Well, go on," Akane invited them, smiling. "Eat up. You should
like it, I think. Kasumi gave me some pointers, and I followed them right to
the letter." She giggled.
 "Uh," said Souun.
 "Hmm," said Genma, squinting at his bowl.
 "Oh god," said Ranma, sweating.
 Silence. Slowly Akane leaned forward, still smiling.
 "EAT IT!"
 The sheer force of her request slammed all three of them onto their
backs.
 "I went through all this trouble to cook this, and you three are just
going to sit there?" Suddenly Akane was doing the blue-aura thing and looking
woefully "uncute."
 Souun and Genma hunched their shoulders. "But sweetheart," Souun
began.
 "No buts, Dad! You either, Mr. Saotome. Now eat your dinner like
men." She sat back down, trying to regain her composure. "It's good."
 "So you've tried it then?"
 Akane fixed Ranma with a baleful glance. "No, I haven't, but what's
that got to do with it?"
 Her fiance cocked an eye at her. "It's got a lot to do with it,
tomboy. It means you were planning to kill us with it all along."
 Souun and Genma gasped, and began scooting away.
 "I see." The dark-haired young woman regarded her fiance a moment,
sat back--
 --then sprang forward.
 Under the moonlit sky Souun and Genma huddled together as Akane showed
Ranma what she thought of his comments.

        Little did the four know was that the going-ons at the campsite were
being carefully studied by two hidden figures.
        One was a strange-looking insect, its large sad eyes brimming with
tears as it shook with rage. The sky darkened with each bright red glow, and
clouds slowly began gathering over the site.
        The other figure, a cackling old geezer with a bag of scanties slung
over his shoulder, rubbed his hands in anticipation of things to come.

"And take that, you jerk!"
 With one last--*whack!*--Akane left Ranma in a crumpled, "promise
posed" heap. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she confined her mallet to
malletspace and plopped back down on the ground. "Humph!"
 "Ohhh, the pain," Otoko-Ranma moaned from the ground.
 Nearby Souun and Genma sighed. "It's sad really," Souun commented.
 Genma nodded. "Indeed, Tendou. You'd think the boy would've at least
been a man and tasted it first before opening his mouth."
 "And who are you to talk?" Ranma growled, mustering enough strength
to rise from the ground, grab a smouldering log, and smack his father with it.
"I didn't see _you_ tasting it."
 "Owww!" Genma groaned.
 Akane frowned. <Childish. Simply childish. Still, Mr. Saotome
probably deserved it anyway.>
 Satisfied that he'd shut Genma up for a while, Ranma rose to his feet.
"I'm going to the stream to wash." He glanced over at Akane out of habit.
"I'll try not to drown. I sure wouldn't want to rob you of the pleasure of
killing me yourself."
 Akane sniffed but said nothing.
 <Geez, she's uncute when she frowns,> he thought as he made his way to
the stream. Once there, he stripped down to scrub off. Soon Onna-Ranma
shivered in the coldness of the water.
 <Hmm. I almost wish I'd brought a towel or something,> she thought,
relaxing in the water. <But who cares? No one's out here but me.> She
giggled. <And it's not like I have any 'feminine modesty' or anything.>
Using her hands to wash off most of the grime, Ranma sighed as she adjusted to
the water's temperature. <Come to think of it, I probably shoulda saved that
kettle of water for later, since washing in the stream would just turn me back
to a girl. Oh well. Maybe that ugly tomboy will have another waiting for me
when I get back.>
 As Ranma's thoughts shifted to that "ugly tomboy," she almost smiled.
 So immersed was Ranma in thought that she didn't notice the bushes
quivering nearby.
 Within those bushes Happousai's large eyes filled with tears.
 <Who could have thought it?> he mused. <Who could have known such an
ingrate could look so lovely by moonlight?> He sniffed and dabbed at his
eyes. <It's a blessing from the kami. Oh, I could just sit here and watch
for hours.>
 Then Ranma stood up.
 Happousai shook with excitement. "But I can't hold out much longer!"
With that, he leapt from the bushes.
 A second later Ranma discovered an unwelcome visitor had latched onto
her torso.
 "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" With one deft movement Ranma grabbed Happousai and
slammed him to the ground.
 "Ohhh," the hentai moaned, eating dirt.
 "YOU LITTLE FREAK!" Ranma screeched, pinning him to the ground with
one foot while she grabbed her closest items of clothing--her kung fu shirt
and boxers--and hastily slipped them on. "Where the hell did you come from?
I can't even get away from you out here!"
 Footsteps heralded the approach of Souun, Genma, and Akane. They
stopped short at the bank.
 "Ranma, what's the matter?" Akane reached the bank first.
 "This," her fiance hissed, holding up the battered form of the tiny,
old man.
 Akane gasped. "Happousai? But where--how--"
 "Master!" Souun and Genma exclaimed in unison. "Why, Master," Genma
greeted with a gesture of submission, "what brings you out here?"
 "I'll tell you what he was here for!" Ranma spat. "The pervert was
spying on me from the bushes. I'm sick at the stomach!"
 "Oooh, it hurts," groaned Happousai, twitching.
 Souun looked on the verge of tears (as usual). "Son, you've hurt the
master! What have you done?"
 "Dad!" Akane looked thoroughly disgusted. "There is nothing to cry
about. There's nothing wrong with Happousai--he's probably just faking."
 "He _is_ faking," Ranma growled, "and I'm gonna make him pay for
keeps now!" She raised her leg to kick him--
 <<STOP!>> a mind-voice thundered.
 Everyone reflexively cringed from the sheer force of the angry
thoughts. Ranma winced and rubbed her temple, dropping Happousai.
 "What--what was that?" Souun wondered.
 "I dunno," Genma answered, shaking. "That voice felt like it was-
-was--"
 "Inside my head," Akane finished, also rubbing her brow. "But who--"
 <>
 Sensing that the mind-voice's owner hovered above them, everyone
looked up. Five pairs of eyes met the fiery gaze of a huge, strange-looking
mosquito-wasp, glowing bright red amidst a sea of angry clouds.
 Ranma "promise posed." "What the hell's THAT?"
 The Love Bug's gaze darkened even further, and so did the sky. <<I'VE
COME FOR RANMA SAOTOME.>>
 Everyone except Akane pointed at Ranma.
 "Thanks a lot," Ranma growled, and tilted her chin up as she regarded
the peculiar insect. "Yo, I'm Ranma Saotome. Whaddaya want? And who are you
anyway?"
 The Love Bug eyed her with a mixture of sorrow and contempt. <<I'M A
THIRD-CLASS, SEMI- LIMITED LOVE BUG SENT FROM THE GODDESS RELIEF OFFICE-->>
 Akane froze, then began to wrack her brain. "Love Bug?" she
whispered. "Didn't Ms. Hinako mention something about Love Bugs in class the
other day? Now what was it?"
 Ranma's, Genma's, and Souun's irises all shrunk to pinpoints. "Love
Bug?" Ranma repeated. "What's that?"
 Behind her Happousai grinned evilly. "You'll know soon enough, you
ingrate."
 "Uh, Son," Souun mumbled, "is there something you need to tell us?
Why is this . . . thing after you?"
 "Yeah, boy," Genma broke in, trying to appear stern. "Out with it."
 "How should I know? I've never heard of any Love Bug!" Out of habit
she grabbed her father by the collar. "For all I know, it's after me because
of something _you_ did, Pop!"
 Sweating, Genma denied it.
 "Ah!" Akane exclaimed. "Now I remember!" But before she could speak
further, a deafening crack of thunder caused her and the others to become
silent.
 <<ENOUGH.>> The Love Bug began to vanish into the blindingly red
light. <<YOU'VE ABUSED THAT POOR INNOCENT GIRL,>>--it indicated Akane with
its stinger--<<AND TWO INNOCENT OLD MEN. FOR THAT YOU, RANMA SAOTOME, MUST BE
PUNISHED.>>
 "Punished?" Ranma blinked. "But I didn't do nothing! There's some
mista--"
 Another crack of thunder cut off her protests. A harsh wind began
blowing, and the ground bucked under everyone's feet.
 "Whoa!" Happousai yelled, leaping out of the way. "Hmm. Imagine
that. That Bug's got quite a temper."
 Sobbing, Genma grabbed Souun's arm. "We're gonna die! We're gonna
die!"
 "Ranma!" Akane screamed through the chaos. "What's happening?"
 "It's an earthquake-slash-hurricane, you dumb chick!" her fiance shot
back. "Give me your hand and shut up!"
 Akane jerked away. "There's no need to insult me, you know!"
 "What?" Ranma dodged an opening crack in the ground. "You _are_
being dumb! You won't give me your hand." With that she grabbed Akane's arm.
 "Oww! Not so hard, idiot!"
 The Love Bug reappeared. <<STILL ABUSING HER, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE BEING
PUNISHED?>> it asked, making its own conclusions from what it just witnessed.
<<IT SEEMS I MUST STOP PLAYING AND BE SERIOUS.>>
 "You call this playing?" Ranma yelled in disbelief, ducking a chunk
of flying boulder.
 "Ranma, stop! You're only making it worse," Akane said, shielding
her face from the barrage of leaves and branches inadvertently hurled her way.
"That creature's a Love--"
 Her words were lost in the wind. Then the ground opened up, she fell
in, and Ranma leaped in after her.

Then, as quickly as it had begun, it was over.
 "Saotome? Saotome?" Souun called, picking himself up off the rain-
soaked and debris-scattered ground. "Saotome, where are you?"
 <Over here, Tendou,> read the wooden sign a rather huge, drenched
panda shoved into his face.
 Souun looked relieved. "Oh, thank goodness you're all right."
 Nearby Happousai picked himself off the ground as well. "Well," the
aged master croaked, "that was some temper tantrum! In all my years I've
never seen a fit like that before." He squinted at his two former students.
"Hey, you there! Stop standing around and help me up."
 "Huh?" Genma-Panda and Souun spied Happousai struggling to get out of
a mud-hole.
 <Master--you're still alive?> Genma-Panda signed.
 "Of course I am, you dolt!" the tiny man snarled. "Now get over
here!"
 Genma-Panda slavishly rushed to comply, but Tendou sat sobbing on the
ground near the still-open fissure into which Akane and Ranma had fallen.
 "Oh, Akane, Akane, Akane! My poor little girl's gone!" Souun wailed.
 <The boy's gone, too,> the Panda signed. He peered down into the
fissure, flipping the sign around to the other side. <Any sign of them?>
 His friend shook his head and bawled.
 "Hmm." Again Happousai stroked his imaginary beard. "It's just as I
feared."
 "What?" Souun and the Panda froze. "Master," Souun managed, "you
don't mean to say they're d-d-de--"
 "Hardly," Happousai murmured. "Love Bugs don't kill anyone--they
just punish them, rough them up a bit. Though I'd bet that ingrate Ranma
_will_ wish he were dead, if he hasn't already wished it already."
 Genma-Panda signed.
 Happousai calmly took the wooden sign and hit the Panda with it.
 "What I'm trying to say, boys, is that Ranma's being given the worse
punishment he could ever have." He struggled to keep from chuckling evilly.
"He's down there somewhere--I'm sure of it--tired, dirty, angry--and trapped
with Akane."
 Souun stopped crying. "So . . . they're still alive?"
 Again Happousai took the Panda's sign, this time to smack Souun with
it.
 "Didn't I just say that?" he shouted. "Yes, trapped down there
with . . . Akane." He slavered for a moment, then regained his composure.
"His worse nightmare, it seems. We'd better try to find them before they kill
each other." <Heh, heh. Besides, I _still_ owe Ranma for humiliating me.
And Akane . . . ah, poor sweet child . . . she needs my embrace, too . . .>
 "Did you hear that, Saotome?" Souun leaped up and grabbed his
friend's furry shoulders.
 <Yes, they're alive,> the Panda signed. <And?>
 "They're both alive--and all alone together," Souun whispered
conspiratorily in the Panda's ear. "Maybe this tragedy is just what they
need--"
 <--to bring them closer together--> Genma-Panda signed, brightening.
 "--and then they'll agree to marry--"
 <--and carry on the Training Hall!> The Panda then whipped out a pair
of Japanese fans and began a dance of joy.
 Happousai looked on. "This is no time for dancing, you puke. We've
got to get down there and find them."
 "Wait, Master," interjected Souun hastily. "Maybe it's best we not
go after them."
 Happousai blinked. "What?"
 Souun cleared his throat. "I mean, they've been through quite a bit
and well, both of them will be terribly distressed." He chuckled nervously.
"And well, you know they might need to . . . well . . . comfort each other in
their time of need."
 "I see." Happousai knew what Souun was getting at. "Well, perhaps
you're right, Souun. Maybe we _should_ just stay right here."
 "Now there's an idea!" Souun agreed. "Well said, Master!"
 <Right.> Happousai thought, making his way to the stream. <Besides,
I'll just go and--check up on them later.>

Somewhere on the celestial plane, a certain Love Bug was feeling a tad
guilty.
 <<Oh, dear, I hope I didn't cause them to get hurt too badly,>> it
thought. <<I just can't help it, though. Once we Love Bugs get mad we just
fly off the handle. Hmm. I really should report to my Hive Supervisor right
now--though she probably already knows what I've done. Can't hide anything
from the kami, after all.>> It sighed. <<Oh, maybe . . . maybe I should
check up on those two, just to make sure. I do hate spying on people but,
well . . . >>
 The Love Bug, being a novice, struggled with the idea for a few
moments. Then, taking a deep breath and hoping it wouldn't get demoted for
breaking the rules, the Love Bug opened a picture-window to the mortal plane.
As it observed, it noted that one other player was about to enter the
game . . . . PART II: Once "Bitten," Thrice Shy . . . .

Back at the Tendou Doujou, a certain small black piglet loaded down
with Hokkaidou pineapples and other assorted goodies trotted onto the Tendou
grounds.
 "Kweee, kweee," it squealed, knowing Akane, its mistress, would rush
out to greet it.
 Inside, Nodoka Saotome, clothed as usual in her kimono, and Kasumi
Tendou sat, exchanging pleasantries.
 "Kweee!" P-chan squealed again, louder this time.
 "Oh my," Nodoka said, setting down her teacup, "was that a piglet we
just heard?"
 "Oh!" Kasumi rose to her feet. "P-chan's back."
 She moved toward the door, Nodoka following close behind, and opened
it.
 "Oh, how sweet!" exclaimed Nodoka, clasping her hands. "The little
piglet's brought presents."
 "From Ryouga, no doubt," Kasumi added, taking the initiative and
relieving the piglet of its load. "He must be around here somewhere."
Absently she patted the piglet's head. "What a good little pig you are."
 "Kweee," was all Ryouga (aka P-chan) could say (Pigs can't talk,
after all.). Where was Akane?
 While the two women marveled over the gifts, P-chan dashed toward the
bathroom. Neither woman paid attention to the sound of water rushing. Five
minutes later a young man joined them (Ryouga, you remember, has a bad sense
of direction, and he took a wrong turn down the hall, and well, you know the
rest.).
 Glad to have reached them so quickly, a damp Ryouga Hibiki approached
the two women. "Ahem. Ah, hello, Kasumi, Mrs. Saotome," he greeted with a
gentlemanly bow.
 Hearing his voice, Nodoka and Kasumi spun around. "Why, it's Ryouga!"
Nodoka exclaimed, smiling sweetly and taking his hand. "How are you, young
man? It's been a while."
 "Oh, hello, Ryouga," greeted Kasumi. "Could I offer you something to
eat or drink?"
 "No, thank you," Ryouga said, trying not to let his gaze search
around the room. "I just got back--"
 "I thought so. P-chan brought in your things for you," Nodoka said.
 "Of course. Well, anyway, I was in the neighborhood, and I was just
wondering . . . ah . . ."
 "Where Akane is?" Kasumi finished for him.
 Ryouga blushed. "Ah . . . yeah . . . Well, you _do_ realize that I
wanted to give her her gifts personally . . ."
 "Oh, Ryouga, I'm afraid you've missed them by a day," Nodoka informed
him.
 Ryouga "promise posed." "Huh? Wha--"
 "Yes, Ryouga, Akane's gone on a camping trip--with Father, Mr.
Saotome, and Ranma," added Kasumi, gathering up the teacups.
 Now Ryouga was twitching. "Gone . . . with Ranma, too?"
 Nodoka nodded, unaware of Ryouga's distressed expression. "Actually,
they've gone on a little training trip in the mountains. After all, I can't
just sit back and let my son get too soft. He's manly, all right, but I can't
take any chances. They'll be gone for a few days." She patted the wrapped
katana blade she always carried around. "Ranma protested at first, but he
soon acknowledged his mother's wisdom." She sighed. "Men can be so stubborn
sometimes."
 "Akane's gone . . . with Ranma . . ." choaked Ryouga again.
 "Yes," said Nodoka. "It's excellent bridal training for her, you
know."
 By now Ryouga looked as though he wanted to cry. His beloved Akane,
alone in the wilderness with that insensitive lout Ranma! The horror!
 "So, Ryouga," Kasumi continued, gathering up Ryouga's presents to
take to Akane's room, "how long will you be sta--"
 "Uh, excuse me." Ryouga rushed out of the house.
 "My, my!" Nodoka exclaimed. "The young man seems to be in a hurry."
 Kasumi nodded. "Well, he probably has some pressing business. I'm
sure he'll be back soon."
 Outside, near the newly restored carp pond, Ryouga sat pounding on the
rocks surrounding it.
 <Oh, Akane,> he thought miserably as he cracked a boulder, <how I
feel for you. I come back after all this time and find you gone--with Ranma.>
He gritted his teeth. <That insensitive jerk! If this trip is anything like
that time I trained in the wilderness with Cologne, Ranma's probably treating
you like dirt. I won't allow it! I won't!>
 "Here I come, Akane!" Ryouga yelled to the heavens, and leaped
forward--
 --into the pond.
 A second later a certain little black pig struggled out of the pond,
knowing it had to a) go change back into a man, and b)see if either Nodoka or
Kasumi could get him to where Akane was without it taking him a week or longer
to get there.

Somewhere down in the recess of an underground cavern Onna-Ranma
struggled to climb out of a pile of dirt, mud, and rocks.
 "Damn," she muttered, raking dirt out of her hair, "I'd sure like to
know just what I did for that--thing--to do me like this." She stood up andd up andbrushed herself off as best she could and peered about.
 "Ugh. So dark I can't see nothing," she grumbled. Then she did a
double-take. <Hey,> she thought, <where's that ugly tomboy?>
 "Akane!" Ranma called, picking her way through the piles of debris
and puddles of water. "Akane--Akane, you dumb chick, where are you?"
 Ranma was about to curse again in frustration when she heard a faint
voice calling her name.
 "Ra-Ranma?" Akane's muffled voice seemed to be coming from behind a
pile of rocks and dirt in the cave's far corner. Brightening, Ranma followed
the sound and placed her ear against the pile.
 "Yo, Akane, you in there?"
 "Ranma?" Akane grunted and feebly scooted around. "Get me out of
here. I'm in some kind of recess in the cavern wall, and--ugh!--it's pretty
stuffy in here."
 "All right, all right," grumbled the red-head from the other side.
"Give me a minute."
 "I may not _have_ a minute!"
 "Just hold on, OK? Geez!" Ranma stood back and studied the barrier.
She guessed digging through it wouldn't cause a cave-in.
 She nodded to herself. "Akane?"
 "What?"
 "I'm gonna dig through. Close your eyes so dirt won't fly in them."
 "OK."
 Ranma braced herself, then--
 "Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken!"
 Ranma used the Chestnut Fist to tunnel through the barrier with
blinding speed. Seconds later she had dug enough away to come face to face
with a bedraggled Akane.
 Akane extended her hand so Ranma could pull her out. Ranma looked her
up and down.
 "Man, you look like hell," she commented, gesturing to Akane's torn
apron and gi.
 "You don't look so hot yourself," Akane retaliated, indicating
Ranma's torn shirt and muddy boxers. "You look like you just crawled out of a
mudhole."
 "I _did_ crawl out of one," grumbled her fiance. Again she surveyed
their surroundings. "Wonder how deep down we are."
 Akane shrugged. "Who knows? All I know is that we need to get out of
here. Dad's probably worried sick." She spun in the nearest direction and
started to walk away. Ranma grabbed her arm.
 "Hey!" Akane snapped. "What are you--"
 "Are you crazy? You can't just wander off into the darkness like
that! What if there's another pit down here or something?"
 "What? Don't tell me you think I can't look out for myself!"
 "Well, you can't! A slow, clumsy girl like you wouldn't notice until
it was too late." Ranma paused. "If then."
 Akane's battle aura started flaring up. "If you're going to insult
me, I'll just go. If I do fall down a hole, it'll probably better than
staying here with a stupid jerk like you!" Again she started to move away,
only to have Ranma insistently hold her arm.
 "Let go!"
 "No way! I'm not letting you go off by yourself."
 With a savage jerk Akane pulled her arm away. "Why do you care?"
 "Why . . ." Ranma trailed off and stared at her. Fire danced in
Akane's large brown eyes as she regarded the red-head. For a moment the only
sounds were the dripping of water and their breathing.
 Then--
 "Look, Akane, I . . . we don't know how far down we are, or how
exactly to get out of here. If we just wander off, we might get hopelessly
lost and never get out." She took a deep breath. "And I for one don't plan
to starve to death down here. And"--her eyes narrowed-- "I gotta get back
topside so I can pummel that--that--thing to a pulp."
 Silently Akane looked away, biting her lip. She had to admit-- Ranma
had a point. They really should concentrate on getting back to their fathers
instead of fighting.
 She swallowed. "OK, maybe you're right . . . for once." She rubbed
her sore arm. "Let's go."
 The red-head nodded, half-smirking. "Right." This time she started
to pull her along more gently. "It's almost pitch-black, so just stay close
to me and watch your step, alright?"
 "Alright."

In the celestial plane the Love Bug watched the scene with interest.
<Hmm. Interesting. They almost seem to be . . . calmer now. But they still
fight so much. It's entirely possible it's just a front, but . . . oh,
dear . . . >
The Love Bug sighed, deciding it should probably watch a little more.

Meanwhile, Souun and Genma (who'd finally decided to turn back human
for a while) sat on the bank. To pass the time they played shougi while
Happousai paced in the background.
 Souun squinted at his playing pieces and made a move. "Ha! Beat
that, Saotome!"
 Genma grunted, studying the pieces on the board. Then he casually
made his move.
 Souun's jaw dropped to the ground.
 Genma grinned. "Guess I win _again,_ Tendou."
 Miserable, Souun hung his head. "That's the fifth time in the last
two hours."
 Genma, gloating, started reshuffling the pieces on the board. "Care
to try again?"
 "You two are pathetic," Happousai grumbled, still pacing. "There you
boys are, just sitting around, while Ranma and Akane are below traipsing about
in the darkness."
 Genma blinked. "But, Master, we _told_ you why we need to wait--"
 "Who cares?" the tiny hentai thundered. "Surely enough time has
passed by now! I say we go down there now. Besides," he sighed, "I'm
starting to feel a little weak. Ah, if only Akane or Ranma were here
now . . ."
 "But, Master--" Souun began. Then a loud rustling in the nearby
bushes startled the trio.the trio. In his terror Genma kicked over the gameboard. "What was that? Did
you hear that, Tendou?"
 Souun nodded. "Maybe it's a bear. Or a wolf. Or . . ." He
trembled.
 Happousai rolled his eyes. "If it is, maybe they'll eat you two
sniveling cowards." He proceeded cautiously toward the bushes.
 Ryouga Hibiki emerged.
 "Mr. Tendou, Mr. Saotome!" he called, complete with backpack and
bamboo umbrella.
 "Why, it's Ryouga!" A relieved Souun stopped sniveling and rose to
greet the young man. "Hello there, Ryouga. What brings you out here?"
 "It's . . . a long story," Ryouga replied. "All I can say is it was
a miracle named Nodoka Saotome."
 At the mentioning of his wife's name, Genma shivered, glancing around
hysterically. "Nodoka? She's here?"
 "No, Mr. Saotome. She went back home."
 Genma sighed, relieved. "Oh, thank goodness." He whispered, half to
himself, "Wouldn't want her to think I wasn't training the boy."
 Ryouga looked confused. "Uh, yeah . . . of course." Then he spied
the huge fissure in the ground. "Aaaaaah! What--what happened here?" he
screamed, his hair standing on end.
 Souun began looking miserable again. "Oh, Ryouga, something terrible
has happened."
 "Terrible!" Genma echoed.
 "Terrible?" Ryouga started sweating. "Wh--where's Akane? Is she
alright?" <And . . . where's Ranma?>
 "To the best of our knowledge," Happousai piped in, irritated with
being ignored, "she's down there somewhere--"he pointed into the fissure--
"with Ranma."
 "You!" Ryouga bared his fangs. "Old man, did you have something to
do with this?"
 Now it was Happousai's turn to sweat. "Uh . . . well . . ."
 "I'll explain what happened," offered Genma. He filled Ryouga in on
everything that had happened. When he finished, Ryouga trembled with anger.
 "A Love Bug, eh?" He picked up a chunk of rock and crumbled it to
dust in his fist. "I've heard tales of those creatures on my travels. I
should have known Ranma's evil would get Akane in trouble." He leaped to his
feet. "Where is this creature now?"
 Happousai spread his hands. "We don't know. After the hurricane-
quake it just--vanished." He shrugged. "We haven't seen it since."
 "Damn," Ryouga muttered. "Then I suppose we should go down there and
look for them." He stepped toward the fissure, and halted when no one but
Happousai followed him.
 Confused, he sputtered, "Uh, Mr. Tendou, Mr. Saotome, why . . . why
haven't you . . . aren't you coming to help look for them?"
 Souun and Genma exchanged glances. Souun cleared his throat. "Ah,
well, you see, Ryouga . . . Saotome and I thought . . . well . . . that maybe
we should leave them . . . alone for a while."
 Ryouga gulped. "Run that by me again?"
 Genma scratched his head and laughed nervously. "Well, it's like
this, Ryouga." He paused. "You realize Akane and Ranma are engaged, and
ah . . . Tendou and I decided that . . . ah . . ."
 Ryouga squinted. "I don't understand."
 Happousai snorted. "Oh, c'mon, boy. Isn't it obvious?" Chuckling,
he elbowed Ryouga in the knee. "Those two are alone down there--"
 Ryouga's heart of glass began to crack. "A-alone?"
 Happousai nodded. "Yep. Alone and miserable. Needing comfort."
 Ryouga hung his head, staring down into the fissure as though he were
hypnotized. "Needing . . . comfort?" he whispered hoarsely. A slight glow
formed around him.
 His mind filled with hentai thoughts, Happousai failed to notice
Ryouga's present state. "That's right. The comfort only they can--"
 "Uh, Master," Genma interrupted, noticing Ryouga's odd behavior,
"maybe you shouldn't keep talking like that."
 "I agree," added Souun, scooting back.
 "Huh?" Happousai looked annoyed. "Why? How dare you tell your
master what to--" He glanced at Ryouga and let out an *eep!* "Uh-oh . . ."
 The three men watched as Ryouga's glow intensified.
 <Alone,> Ryouga thought as something stirred within him. <Alone with
Akane? Damn you, Ranma! To think that you'd take advantage of Akane when all
of this is _your_ fault!> Of their own accord, his hands directed a ball of
ki energy into the fissure.
 Happousai, Souun, and Genma scooted even farther away.
 "How dare you, Ranma!" Ryouga yelled, bursting with ki energy.
"Shishi Houkoudan!"
 And Ryouga's misery slammed down into the fissure.

A rumbling from above made Ranma halt in her tracks, jarring Akane.
 "Why'd you stop?" demanded Akane.
 "Shh!" Ranma pointed upwards. "Don't you hear that?"
 "Hear what?" Akane glanced up, then screamed as a large chunk of
earth came hurtling down toward her. Ranma saw it, too, and slammed Akane out
of the way.
 "Ouch! Did you have to slam me so hard?"
 "Would you rather be crushed?" growled her fiance, dragging her up.
"C'mon. We gotta get away from here!"
 The two blundered on through the near-darkness. All about them rocks
continued to fall. Only the enhanced speed of Ranma's female body kept her
and Akane from getting smashed.
 Then after a while it stopped.
 Panting, Akane dropped to her knees. "Ranma, I . . . I'm worn out. I
need . . . to rest."
 Ranma grumbled in frustration. "Aw, c'mon, Akane. The more we stop,
the more time it's gonna take for us to find a way back up." She pointed down
the passage they were presently heading toward. "Look. The passage is
heading upward. We can probably climb out somewhere."
 "No, I can't," her fiancee insisted. "Not right now. We've . . .
been walking for a long time. My feet are tired, and I feel like I could just
fall out." Firmly resolved, she settled down.
 Ranma threw her hands up in the air. "Have it your way." She plopped
down beside her and folded her arms.
 The two sat in silence for a long time. Then Akane sneezed.
 Ranma glanced at her. "Now what?"
 Akane sniffed. "What do you think, idiot? I've been wet and dirty
for the past few hours. Apparently I've caught a cold." She scowled in
Ranma's direction. "What's it to you?"
 "Humph." Ranma turned away--until Akane sneezed again. She regarded
her more intently this time.
 "There you go again."
 "I've got a cold. What you expect?" Then she hugged herself,
shivering. "Brrr. It's chilly in here. And it's not helping that I've got
these damp clothes on."
 Ranma bit her lip and thought for a minute. Then she began to
unbutton her shirt.
 Akane caught her movements out the corner of her eye. "Hey, what are
you doing?"
 "Giving you my shirt, stupid. If you don't change out of those wet
clothes soon, your cold'll get worse."
 Akane felt at a loss for words. "But Ranma . . . you . . . don't have
to--"
 Ranma stopped at the last button. "What's the big deal? We're both
girls right now. And I ain't got nothing you haven't seen before, so if
you're worried about my so- called 'feminine modesty,' just remember I don't
have any. Besides, no one's down here but us."
 Akane swallowed. "No, it's . . . not that. It's just that . . .
um . . ."
 Curious, Ranma cocked an eye at her. "So now what are you worried
about?" A second later her eyes narrowed. "Aw, c'mon, Akane! Surely you
weren't thinking--"
 "Thinking what?"
 Ranma folded her arms. "Don't play dumb. I _know_ what you were
thinking." She snorted. "What kind of guy do you take me for?"
 "Excuse me, but, ah, you don't exactly look like a guy right now,"
Akane pointed out, a little amused.
 "Huh?" Ranma considered a moment. "Oh, yeah. Guess not." She
adjusted her position. "So then . . . what are you worried about?"
 "Oh . . . nothing." Akane blushed, wondering if Ranma could detect
how red her face had gotten. 
 <Oh, man,> Ranma thought simultaneously. <Here I am--alone--with
this uncute tomboy, and I'm feeling like silly putty. This _can't_ be
happening.>
 Silence for a moment more. Then Ranma cleared her throat, blushing
also. "So . . . um . . . do you . . . still . . . need . . . ah, that
is . . . you can still have my shirt until your stuff . . . dries." She
swallowed. "If you want."
 "Hmm?" Akane looked back at her, and ducked her head. "Oh, no,
that's okay. All that walking around must've allowed my clothes to dry a
bit. They're really not _that_ bad anymore." She clasped her hands. "I'm just . . . still . . .
a little chilly, though."
 "Oh." Not knowing what else to say, Ranma became quiet.
 More silence. Then Akane yawned.
 "Sleepy, huh?"
 "Yeah, I'm so tired." Akane shifted her position and lay her head
against the wall. She tossed and turned but couldn't get comfortable.
Defeated, she sat back up.
 "Uh . . . Ranma?"
 "Yeah?"
 Her heart pounded. "Do you . . . mind . . . if I lean on your
shoulder?" She thought her heart had stopped once the words came out.
 Ranma blinked, "promise posing." "On my . . . shoulder?"
 Akane gulped. "If you don't mind . . . I just can't get comfortable."
 "Oh, I see. You wanna use me for a pillow."
 Hurt, Akane averted her gaze. "I didn't mean for it to come out like
that."
 "You--didn't?" Ranma's palms started sweating.
 "Never mind, then." Akane turned to settle back against the wall.
 "No, wait." Feeling sheepish, Ranma tugged on her arm. "I . . .
didn't mean to sound like that. You can lean against me . . . if you want. I
don't mind, but . . ."
 "But?"
 Ranma scratched her head. "Well, we're both girls, and . . .
um . . . "
 "So . . . it _would_ bother you?"
 "No, no! I just thought that . . ." The red-head shrugged.
"It . . . wouldn't bother _me,_ but . . . wouldn't it . . . bother you?"
 Akane stared at her fiance for a long moment, then slowly shook her
head. "No . . . I don't think so."
 "You--you sure?"
 "Uh-huh."
 "Oh. Oh. OK." Ranma waved her over.
 Shyly Akane snugged against Ranma and sighed. For some reason she
felt peaceful. <Is this really happening? I mean, he hasn't even made me
feel like hitting him. It's so rare that _that_ ever happens.> She yawned.
<Hmm. Funny. He_does_ feel like a pillow. Maybe I can get some sleep.>
Before long, her thoughts drifted off into dreamland.
 Meanwhile, Ranma's heart was pounding. <Wow. She hasn't hit me
for--what, how long has it been? An hour? Two hours? Amazing.> She sighed.
<Strange. Can it be that this tomboy has some control after all?> She looked
down at Akane's sleeping form, and for the first time in a long while, smiled.
 <Fast asleep. Well, I gotta admit, she's got a good idea. I should
get some sleep, too.> Shifting her position slightly so as not to disturb
Akane, Ranma settled down for sleep. Her arms slipped around Akane. It was
seconds later before she caught herself.
 <Whoa! Did I do that? I know my body's female right now, but
I . . . > She closed her eyes. <Oh, who gives a damn. No one's down here
but us.>
 The two girls drifted into a peaceful sleep.

Hours later, Akane awoke to find herself in Ranma's arms.
 "What the--" She jerked up, amazingly failing to disturb Ranma's
sleeping form. <What happened? Why am I in his arms?! The lousy hentai!
With his shirt all unbuttoned!> Anger surged. <Did he try to-->
 Then she caught herself, remembering what had happened. <Oh, wait a
minute. It wasn't like that at all. He didn't try to take advantage of me.
I _asked_ him to let me fall asleep on him.> She slapped her forehead. <Boy,
I'm such a dummy. Ranma wouldn't try to hurt me.> She did a double-take.
<Well, not physically anyway. But then, sometimes I wonder if his insults
really are intentional.>
 She regarded the still-sleeping Ranma and smiled. A tentative hand
raised up and touched Onna-Ranma's cheek. She reddened.
 She shook her
head. She
cocked her head. She glanced back down
at Ranma's shirt. <Guess I'll button it for him.>
 As she buttoned Ranma's shirt, the red-head stirred. Blinking, she
met Akane's gaze. "Oh, hi, Akane."
 "Hi, Ranma. Sleep well?"
 Ranma yawned. "Yeah. I needed the rest. Badly." She started to
raise up, then noticed what Akane was doing. She paled.
 "Uh, Akane . . . what are you doing?"
 Akane was on the next to the last button. "Buttoning your shirt.
What's it look like?"
 Ranma clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh my god. Did you . . . did
we . . ."
 Akane snorted and rolled her eyes. "No, you idiot. You were going to
give me your shirt because I was cold and wet, remember? You forgot to button
it back up. I swear, you'll _never_ get any feminine modesty."
 "Oh." Ranma looked relieved. "I was pretty worried."
 The short-haired young woman cocked an eye at her. "Oh really?
Thought I had taken advantage of you?"
 Ranma's jaw dropped. "What? Oh, why you--you tomboy!"
 "Jerk." Akane stuck out her tongue.
 Both noticed their words carried less venom.
 Akane finished with the last button and got up. Ranma followed suite.
 "Well, guess we'd better get moving." Akane gestured toward Ranma.
"After you."
 "Hey," Ranma said with a sly grin. "Shouldn't _I_ be the chivalrous
one?"
 Her fiancee giggled. "OK, then, Sir Galahad, why don't you lead the
way?"
 Now it was Ranma's turn to giggle. "C'mon, stupid."
 They moved up the passage . . . hand in hand.

If the Love Bug had had a jaw, it would have dropped clear down to the
earth. The scene it had just witnessed had left it totally confused. Had it
a hand instead of wings, it would have scratched its head.
It settled down to observe some more.

Topside, Ryouga stood alone on the edge of the fissure, surveying what
he'd done. Although he felt miserable, he was determined not to get too
depressed and repeat this disaster.
 <Akane, I'm sorry,> he thought at the fissure. 
 He felt his ki stirring again. Gritting his teeth, he willed it
still.
 <No, I won't let it happen again. I owe you that much, Akane.> He
rose to his feet, his jaw set.
 "I'm coming, Akane! I'll save you if it kills me," he yelled into
the fissure.
 <<Hold it.>>
 "Huh?" Startled, Ryouga jerked and glanced around. Had someone
talked to him? For some reason he had the feeling someone had just spoken to
him . . . in his head?
 "Who said that?" he demanded, ready to throw one of his bandannas in
case the unseen speaker attacked.
 <> the mind-voice projected from behind him.
 Ryouga spun around and almost had a heart-attack. He was face-to-
face with the largest, strangest-looking insect he'd ever seen.
 "You--_you_ just talked to me?"
 The Love Bug bobbed its head. <<Certainly.>>
 "What--what are you? Wait--aren't you a--"
 <<A Love Bug,>> the creature answered. <>
 Ryouga frowned. "Then--you're the creature who caused all this
mess?" He gestured around.
 The Love Bug glanced over the area and nodded, appearing ashamed.
<<Yes, I'm afraid so-- except for that crater there.>>
 Ryouga reddened. "Uh, yeah, I did that."
 <>
 "Your job?" Ryouga shrieked. "Your job includes hurting innocent
bystanders?"
 <> the creature protested, huge eyes
welling with tears. <>
 Ryouga folded his arms. "Wrong-doer. That _had_ to be Ranma
Saotome."
 The Bug nodded. <<Yes, but I . . . think I might . . . possibly have
made-->> It braced itself for thinking the word-- <<a mis . . . mis . . .
take.>>
 "Mistake? I thought Love Bugs didn't make mistakes."
 <<WE DON'T!>> the creature thundered in Ryouga's mind. Then it
winced, seeing Ryouga twitch in pain. <<Oops. Sorry. I tend to lose it
sometimes. I really need to work on my temper.>>
 "I agree." Ryouga adjusted his pack. "Look, I don't mean to be rude,
but I have to go down there." He pointed into the fissure. "An innocent
young woman is trapped down there, and she needs my help."
 He turned around--only to have the Bug fly around and bar his way.
 <<Oh, yes. That's what I wanted to talk to you about.>> The Bug took
a deep breath. <<You can't go down there. I forbid it.>>
 "Excuse me?"
 <<Oh, don't worry. Those two are fine. It's just that . . .
well . . .>>
 Ryouga tapped his foot, impatient. "Well what?"
 The Bug looked embarrassed. <<Well . . . it's just that nobody should
disturb them right now. They need to spend a little more quality time with
each other.>>
 Something about the Bug's revealed thoughts didn't set well with
Ryouga. "'Quality time?'"
 <<Indeed,>> the Bug replied innocently. <<I, ah, peeped in on them.
I was so embarrassed-->>
 "Embarrassed? Why?"
 <<Well, you see, I'm fairly new at my job. I'm not used to seeing
people get so . . . close.>>
 A huge drop of sweat rolled down Ryouga's head. "Close? Just . . .
how . . . close do you mean?"
 The Bug sighed. <<Let's just say I could tell they'd been wanting to
bare their souls to each other for a long time.>>
 By now Ryouga's heart of glass was cracking again. "BARE their
SOULS?!"
 <<Yes. It was so romantic, really. Why, at first I thought they were
faking, but when Ranma started to take off his shirt-->>
 "He TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT?"
 <<And then Akane lay against him-->>
 "Oh no . . ." Ryouga almost fainted from shock. Suddenly his knees
were shaking, and his hands trembling. That familiar stirring arose in him
again . . . .
 The Love Bug went on. <<And later they fell asleep. They were so
worn out, you realize, and-- oh, young man? Are you--all right?>>
 Ryouga began glowing. "They didn't . . . no, tell me they didn't,"
he mumbled. Fire danced in his eyes. "Ranma--Ranma, you monster! I knew you
couldn't be trusted. To do something like that to a nice girl like
Akane--I'll see you punished myself!" A ball of ki energy formed in his
hands.
 The Love Bug blinked. <<Uh, young man, is something wrong?>>
 "You bet there is!" Ryouga raised his hands.
 "Shishi Houkoukan!"
 The dumbfounded Love Bug watched as Ryouga's ki cleared a smouldering
path through the trees.
 <Wow,> it thought to itself.

PART III: Who Says We're in
Love?!

"So what exactly is a Love Bug?" Ranma asked as they trudged up the
passage.
 Akane grunted as Ranma pulled her up. "You know, you really should
listen in class more."
 Ranma snorted. "I can't help it Ms. Hinako decided to lecture when I
was preoccupied with that last fight I'd had with Kunou."
 "I swear, Ranma, all you ever do is fight."
 "It's my life." Ranma helped Akane over a rock in her path.
 They heard something that sounded like distant thunder.
 Akane frowned. "Will that be another aftershock?"
 "Hope not." The red-head's brow furrowed. When nothing happened, she
started climbing again. "So are you gonna tell me or what?"
 Akane shrugged. "Love Bugs are creatures whose job is to
bless . . . couples' engagements."
 The red-head screeched to a halt. "Engagements?"
 "Uh-huh." Akane suddenly became interested in the passage walls.
"Especially those for couples who . . . are . . . deeply in love," she
finished.
 "Deeply in love, huh?" Ranma hastily cleared her throat. "But . . .
that wouldn't cover us, now would it?"
 Akane squinted at her. "What do you mean?"
 Suddenly very uncomfortable, Ranma's mouth opened and closed. "Well,"
she stammered, "I mean, those couples probably _chose_ their engagements. So
naturally they're really in love. Look at us--our dumb parents engaged us.
We didn't have a choice."
 Her fiancee looked down at her sweating hands. "No, we didn't." Then
she looked up into the red-head's face again. "So . . . I guess that's why
the Bug came after you. Once they think they've made a mistake, they--they--"
 "Fly off the handle," guessed Ranma, "and make your life a living
hell."
 Silence. Her mind a jumble, Akane stepped around Ranma. "It's sad
that that Bug made a mistake, isn't it?"
 Her hand brushed Ranma's. When the red-head didn't respond, she
looked up--
 --and met Ranma's gaze.
 The only sounds they heard came from their intensely beating hearts.
 <Oh my god, it's happening again,> Akane thought, gulping. <All of a
sudden he looks at me, and I start melting! Are my knees buckling? Is my
face red? Should I check? No! He'll make fun of me.>
 <Here we go again,> Ranma was thinking. 
 "Uh, Akane," Ranma finally forced out after an eternity, "I think
we'd better . . . keep moving."
 "Ah," Akane also stammered, "Yeah, I think we'd probably better,
um . . ." She swallowed.
 "Right." Ranma hastily took her arm and practically dragged her up
the passage.
 About ten minutes later a ray of sunlight shone downward.
 "Hey!" Akane squealed. "There's a hole up here. Now maybe we can
get out!"
 "Great!" Ranma's dirt-smeared face brightened. "See? I told you
I'd get us out."
 "Ranma, _I'm_ the one who found the hole."
 Her fiance looked at her as if she had just spoken gibberish. "Same
difference." She pushed her forward. "Just climb already."
 "Humph." Akane heaved and emerged from the hole, blinking in the
sunlight. Ranma followed a second later. Once their eyes adjusted to the
light, they studied their surroundings.
 "Ranma, doesn't this area look familiar?"
 "It sure does. It looks like--" Ranma took the initiative and
plunged through the bushes into a clearing. "Hey, it's our campsite!"
 "What?" Akane looked over her fiance's shoulder. "Hey, that passage
circled around!" Then she paused, confused. "But--where's Dad and Mr.
Saotome? And Happousai?"
 Ranma shrugged. "Who knows?" Then she spied the campfire. "Hey,
there's some hot water!" She rushed toward the kettle and snatched it up.
 "Wait!" Akane yelled. "That water's probably--"
 Too late. A loud yowl from Ranma confirmed that the water was too- -
 "--hot," Akane finished.
 Steam rose off Otoko-Ranma. "No problem," he managed, huffing. "I
can handle it." He patted his chest. "Man, it feels so good to have this
body back for a while."
 "Ranma, you probably should've saved that water."
 "Huh?"
 Akane gestured at herself and at him. "Look at us--we're a mess.
We'll have to bathe in the stream, and you'll just turn back into a girl."
 Ranma sniffed. "Big deal. I can always heat up some more water.
Besides, I ain't in no hurry to go back to that stream, especially with that
little freak running around."
 Akane held her nose. "I don't think you have a choice. You smell
awful."
 "Ha!" Ranma wiped dust off his body. "You didn't seem all that
worried last night when you slept with me."
 As soon as he'd said it, his face drained of color. "Uh, Akane, I- -I
didn't mean--"
 He braced himself for a slap in the face, a tree trunk upside the
head--whatever it was Akane wanted to do to him. When no violence ensued, he
cracked open an eye.
 There she was--blushing again.
 "A-Akane . . ."
 She tried not to, but she ended up staring at him again. <He's doing
it to me _again_ . . . >
 Ranma thought, sweating. <It's
driving me crazy.>
 It took them another eternity to wrench their gazes away.
 Akane steeled herself and moved past him, sniffing. "Darn it, my nose
is running again. I need a tissue." Then she paused in mid-step.
 "Um . . . Ranma?"
 "Yeah?"
 Shyly she regarded him out the corner of her eye. "Ranma, I . . .
didn't get to tell you while we were underground, but . . ."
 "But what?"
 "Well, I just wanted to thank you . . . for, you know . . . looking
out for me."
 "Oh, um," Ranma began.
 Now as anyone knows, Ranma has always had a problem with words. It
seems like anytime Akane tries to say something nice, he spoils the moment by
saying something he shouldn't have. It was almost as though he had yet
another curse--that of the unthinking mouth.
 He opened his mouth.
 "You're . . . welcome."

        "They're back! They're back!"
        Akane and Ranma turned around at the same time to see Souun and Genma
emerge from the clearing. Each father rushed forward and grabbed his
respective child.
        "Oh, Akane, you're safe!" Souun exclaimed, swinging her up in the
air.
        "Whoa, whoa, Dad!" Akane managed, giggling. "OK, OK, I'm glad to see
you, too!"
        "Son!" Genma bear-hugged Ranma, who squirmed in his grip. "Oh, my
boy, you're alive! I was so worried you were dead!"
        "If you don't stop squeezing me," Ranma managed to mumble, "I will
be."
        Genma mumbled some other gibberish, then drew back. "Whoa, boy,
you're all hot and sweaty."
        Irritated, Ranma smacked his father on the head.
        "I've been tramping about underground, Pop! What'd you expect?"
        "Well, well, well!" The tiny form of Happousai emerged into the
clearing, a grandfatherly smile on his face. "You made it back. Well done,
you two." His eyes brimmed with tears when he spied Akane. "Oh, you poor you poorgirl! Look at you--you're a mess! And you're probably traumatized." He
leapt toward her.
        "Let a kind old man soothe you!"
        A well-placed foot in the face stopped him.
        "Back off, pervert!" Ranma snapped, looking as though he were about
to retch.
        Now Happousai really did start crying. "But, but," he mumbled from
the ground, "all I wanted to do was hug her."
        "You wanted to squeeze her like you did me!" the Pig-Tailed Boy
snarled, pressing him further into the ground. "Can't you ever quit?"
        Souun and Genma exchanged glances.
        "Hmm," Genma rumbled.
        "Uh-huh," Souun murmured.
        Akane and Ranma froze.
        "'Hmm, uh-huh' what?" Ranma demanded.
        Without a word each father dragged off his child.

        "WHAT?"
        The force of Ranma's voice slammed Genma onto his back.
        "Now, Son," the gi-clad man was saying reasonably, "you can tell your
old man. Fathers and sons are supposed to discuss things like this--"
        Again Ranma smacked him on the head. "I told you, Pop, nothing
happened!" he protested. "How could you even think that I'd want to with a
macho, uncute, unsexy, ditzy woman like her?"
        "Boy, why are you being so stubborn?" his father continued, adjusting
his specs. "Just confess and be done with it. It'll be so much better for
you." He took a deep breath, trying to go into stern father mode. "If I've
told you once, I've told you a thousand times: I expect you to be a man and
do your manly duty--"
        *Splash!*
        Now, where they was a bald, middle-aged man, there was a huge,
soaking-wet Panda.
        "Brrrowwgh," Genma-Panda rumbled, annoyed.
        Ranma smirked and threw the bucket back into bucketspace. He raised a
hand to his ear. "Huh? What was that, Pop? Can't understand you. Pandas
can't talk, you know." He turned away. "Jerk," he muttered under his
breath.
        Genma-Panda hunched his shoulders, defeated.

        "EXCUSE ME?"
        Akane regarded her father with a look of utter disbelief.
        "Sweetheart," Souun urged, "I just want to know. Was he--did he-- "
        "I don't believe this!" She threw up her hands. "Dad--nothing
happened. Nothing! If anything, I'm glad to get away from him. As usual he
insulted me, and I had to constantly beat him to a pulp. Besides, why would I
want to with a stupid, insensitive, sex-changing jerk like him? Honestly!"
She stomped away. "I'm going to get something to eat--I'm starving."
        "But Akane," her father called.
        Too late. She was gone.

<This gets better and better,>> the Love Bug thought.

Otoko-Ranma was taking a walk in the forest. He didn't want to go
back near the stream, and he didn't want to stay at the campsite, not with
Genma and Souun following him around, questioning him.
 <No wonder neither of them came down after us,> he mentally grumbled,
kicking aside a tree branch in his path. <Hentais. Shoulda known they'd
treat this as an opportunity to "get us together." Ha! Well, their little
plot failed. Why should _I_ want anything to do with that ugly, violent
tomboy?>
 He paused and leaned against a tree, his thoughts drifting. He
recalled how timid that "ugly tomboy" had been when she'd asked to lie on his
shoulder. In his mind her saw her reddened face, her averted eyes, and her
trembling form as she made the request.
 And he had been all too willing to comply.
 He pictured it all over again, her leaning on his shoulder and her
contented sigh as she drifted off to sleep. He remembered holding her,
thinking that maybe--maybe--it was nice having her so close.
 Stubbornly, he shook his head. <No, it must've been a dream. She
hates me. Always calling me names and stuff. That's what it was--a dream.>
 He remembered how his heart had thumped, and sighed.
 If it were a dream, it had been so real . . . .
 "Well, well. Look who's here--the playboy."
 Ranma's pigtail stood erect as he watched Ryouga emerge from the
bushes in front of him. He blinked.
 "Well, whaddaya know? It's P-chan!" Ranma exclaimed at the sight of
his best friend-slash-worst enemy. "Hiya, Pig-boy! What brings you out
here?"
 Lit coals burned in Ryouga's eyes. "Cut the small-talk, Ranma," he
growled. "I didn't come to exchange pleasantries."
 "Oh yeah?" Casually Ranma folded his arms behind his head. "Oh, I
get it. Widdle P-chan wanted to see his widdle mistress Akane." He batted
his eyes. "How sweet."
 "Shut up!" With a snarl Ryouga sprang forward, fist hurtling toward
Ranma, only to have his rival dodge the intended blow. A nice-sized fist-
print marked the tree's trunk.
 "Look, man, I don't feel like playing, so why don't you tell me what's
going on?"
 Ryouga twitched, annoyed. "Don't act like you don't know!" He spun
around and leaped at Ranma again, throwing punches. He grew even more
frustrated as Ranma read his moves, dodging each of his blows.
 "You know," Ranma said as he ducked one of Ryouga's thrown bandannas,
"you're gonna wear yourself out."
 "Oh?" Ryouga stopped for a moment. "Like you did the other night?"
 Ranma stared at him. "Huh?"
 The distraction was enough for Ryouga. He sprang forward and
uppercutted Ranma into the nearest tree.
 Ranma's "promise posed" form slided down into a crumpled heap. "Ohh,"
he groaned. "Why'd you do that?"
 "Oh, come on, Ranma." His rival stood over him, scowling. "Who're
you kidding? I know all about what happened--how that Love Bug came after
you, how and Akane got trapped underground, and how you--you--" He closed his
eyes. He couldn't bring himself to say it.
 Having recovered, Ranma roundhouse-kicked _him_ into a tree.
 "Now," Ranma said, panting, "would you run that by me again? First
of all, how do you know about that Love Bug and what exactly are you pissed
off at me about?"
 "It . . . came to me," Ryouga mumbled from the tree.
 "Who?"
 "The Love Bug, Ranma. It came to me--and told me everything." He
moaned bitterly. "How could you, Ranma? She probably wasn't even ready. You
should have waited."
 <Say what?> "Whoa, whoa, hold on a sec, Ryouga," Ranma protested,
holding up his hands defensively. "Waited? For what?"
 Ryouga blushed. "You . . . know."
 "Wha--" Then he thought a moment, and slapped his forehead. "Oh, no,
not you, too! Who told you _that_?"
 "The Bug, of course! Who else?"
 The Bug? Ranma stared at him, dumbfounded. "What exactly did that
thing tell you?"
 Sighing, Ryouga repeated the Love Bug's exact words. Ranma looked as
though he'd swallowed a fish whole.
 "Oh, man, no wonder you're so flipped out." Ranma raked a hand
through his hair, restraining a laugh. "Ryouga, you've got nothing to be mad
about. We didn't _do_ anything."
 Ryouga frowned. "You--didn't?" Then he squinted, suspicious.
"But--but--the Love Bug told me that you--that you--"
 Ranma snorted. "Ryouga, that stuff did happen, but it wasn't like
that." He gazed at Ryouga with a mixture of pity and amusement. "And I
thought it was Pop and Mr. Tendou who had the wild imaginations."
 Silence. Ryouga regarded the other, still a little uncertain.
"Then . . .you didn't . . .that is, you had the chance, and you . . .
didn't?"
 "Why would I want to have anything to do with a mule like her?"
 "Hey, don't insult her!"
 "Oh, what're you gonna do about it?" Ranma shot back. "Besides," he
added, "I was a _girl_ the whole time."
 Ryouga, who'd braced himself to throw Ranma a punch for insulting
Akane again, halted in mid- lunge. "You were what?"
 "A _girl_, stupid. A female. A chick. A woman. A member of the
opposite sex. Need I go on?"
 Suddenly Ryouga felt like an idiot. "Oh." He lowered his fist and
stared at the ground. "I see. But still . . ." He glanced up at Ranma
again.
 Ranma spread his hands. "What?"
 Ryouga looked thoughtful. "So . . . you didn't feel like . . . that
is . . . you didn't feel . . . anything? Nothing at all?"
 "Huh? Well, I . . ." He hesitated, then caught himself. "No, man.
There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Like I said, I was a girl the whole
time. A girl."
 His rival was speechless for a moment as he scrutinized him. Then
Ryouga sadly half-smiled and readjusted his backpack. "Right." He turned to
leave.
 "Uh, Ryouga," Ranma called after him, thoroughly confused, "wait!
Where're you going?"
 "Don't worry about it, Ranma." He looked over his shoulder. "I
understand you'll be camping out here for a couple more days. 'P-chan' will
be watching you." And he was gone.
 As Ryouga headed toward the stream, he sighed. <Well, Akane, looks
like I've made a fool out of myself again. Oh well. At least I'll get to see
you for a while, even if it is as "P-chan."> He thought about Ranma. <And
him--he should be ashamed. Couldn't lie to save his life.>
 Meanwhile, a dumbfounded Ranma was scratching his head.
 <Forget some damn Love Bug. I think everyone's been bitten by the
Crazy Bug.>

        Sometime during that night Ranma and Akane felt a sting over their
hearts.
        "What the--" Akane jerked up, jostling P-chan, who'd snuggled up
against her in her sleeping bag. Blinking in the bright moonlight, she rubbed
the sore spot, and when the ache didn't immediately go away, she cautiously
pulled back the flap of her pajamas to inspect her skin.
        What she saw was a small, heart-shaped mark--
        --with the characters for "Ranma" on it.
        Drawing a sharp breath, she looked up at the sky.
        On the other side of the campsite, Ranma, too, awoke not only from the
sensations of a sting, but also from a strange dream he'd just had. As he
rubbed at his own heart- shaped mark (with the hiragana for "Akane" on it),
his foggy mind struggled to recall the dream. He was certain it was about the
Love Bug, and it had told him something. . . .
        His gaze travelled around the campsite, going from Genma's sleeping
bag, to Souun's, to Akane's--
        He saw her gazing up at the starlit sky. He smiled.
        Then he looked over in the far corner of the campsite to where
Happousai was sleeping.
        His battle aura flared up.

"Ranma?" Akane threw back the fold of her sleeping bag, jarring P-
chan awake. The others also awoke to find Ranma chasing Happousai around the
campfire.
 "So this _was_ all your fault, you little lech!" Ranma yelled,
glowing red.
 "But Son," the fully awake hentai protested, "I was only trying to
teach you a lesson. You really should respect your elders--"
 "Respect--ha!" Ranma reversed his direction and lunged over the fire.
"Who're you to talk about respect when you don't give me any?"
 "Son," Souun called, "what're you doing to the master?"
 Ranma ignored him. "C'mere you!" <Damn, I almost wish I were "in
phase!">
 Happousai stuck out his tongue. "Try and catch me, if you can!"
 <Now what?> Genma-Panda's sign read.
 "Urk!" Happousai croaked as Ranma's fist managed to make contact with
his head.
 "Kweee," P-chan squealed, rolling his eyes.
 "You said it, P-chan," Akane told her pet, stroking his head. "Looks
like things are back to abnormal."

Author's Note: Well, here's my second installment. It may be a little
heavy on the Love stuff, but hey, Ranma 1/2 is a romantic martial arts comedy
after all.

Hmm, Ranma and Akane have taken some pretty big steps in their
relationship. I wonder what the future will hold . . . .

For those of you who'd like to see other members of the Ranmaverse in my
stories, just you wait. Ukyou, Konatsu, Shampoo, Mousse, Gosunkugi, Kunou,
Tsubasa, and others will have their moments as my evil plot continues.
*Again those oni-horns sprout.*

Be sure to look for installment #3, entitled, "Masquerade Ball Battle:
Ranma vs. Tsubasa."

See ya! :)

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