Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction:        "Red Haze:  Back in Phase  (installment #6)

By: Dark Phoenix (Carolyn Brickhouse)

Author's Note:  These characters (well, the regulars, anyway) belong to
Takahashi Rumiko-sama, but the situations belong to me, blah, blah, blah,
and other legalese.  This is the next installment in my ongoing series,
and it comes right after  "Cologne:  The Immortal Beloved."

*Note:*  This story is a pretty big step for me--and Ranma 1/2.  It was my
wish to take the Ranmaverse in a new direction.  Although o-Takahashi-sama
may never have intended to do what I've done herself, I  still see no
reason why something like this couldn't develop.

Confused?  Just read and see. ;)

Like all of my stories, these events occur after those of manga Vol. 38.
And now--let the insanity begin!  :)

Part I: Big Trouble--Joketsuzoku Style

        *BOOM!*
        At the Tendou Doujou Kasumi Tendou gasped as Happousai--and the
wall he was closest to-was blasted into orbit.
        The cast came running.  Souun Tendou arrived first, and upon seeing
the damage, went into convulsions.  Nabiki, with Nodoka Saotome following,
clucked her tongue.
        "I thought it was about that time," Nabiki murmured.
        Nodoka blinked.  "About time for what, dear?"
        Nabiki giggled craftily.  Nodoka still hadn't found out about her
son's little "problem."  She grinned.  "Wouldn't _you_ like to know," was
all she said.
        Just then Onna-Ranma entered, laughing maniacally.
        "Bwahahahahaaa!  Whaddaya think of that, chikan jiji?  That oughta
teach ya! Bwahahahahaaa!"
         Naturally the rest of the cast had comments.
        "Oh dear,"  Kasumi murmured, seeing yet another mess for her to
resolve, "you won't be in a good mood for a while, will you, Ranma?"
        <Son,>  Genma-Panda signed, scratching and yawning, <could you keep
the noise down?  I was trying to sleep.>
        "Son!"  Souun shrieked, rushing to Ranma and sobbing a river.
"Son!  How _could_ you? You know this household can barely make it as is!"
        "Well,"  Nabiki said, shrugging and watching as Happousai's
"promise posed" form slammed into the remains of the floor, "guess the
panty thief's had it for this week."
        Sighing, Akane went to soothe her hysterical father.
        <Here we go again.>

        Meanwhile, a shrunken, white-haired form on a long wooden staff
hopped over the rooftops, stunned by what it had just witnessed.
        <No doubt about . . . that was the _Haze!_> Cologne thought.  <And
_Mukodono_ did it!  Hmm
. . .>
        She cackled.  Maybe Ranma truly _hadn't_ escaped her yet.

*******One Month Later*******

        In the Nekohanten Cologne's gnarled hands eagerly opened a recently
arrived letter.  Upon reading the Chinese characters, her face broke into
a wide grin.

        In the Furikan High cafeteria Akane sat with her two friends,
eating lunch.
        "Say, Akane,"  the short-haired girl, Sayuri, began, "how are you
taking this?"
        "Huh?"  Akane blinked, setting down her chopsticks.  "How am I
taking what?"
        Sayuri and the other girl, Yuka, exchanged glances.  "Well . . .
you know . . ."  Yuka supplied, blushing.  "Coping with the fact that
fiance really is . . . is . . . "
        Akane's eyes narrowed.  "Is what?"
        "Half-way female,"  Sayuri finished.
        Akane fell out of her seat.
 "Whoa--wait a minute,"  she protested.
        Sayuri held up her hand.
        "Oh, come on, Akane.  You were there at that ball.  Don't tell me
you're still in denial!"
        "That's right,"  Yuka piped in.  "Besides, it works in your favor
anyway.  I mean, you always said you hated boys--"
        "But . . ."  Akane attempted.
        "--and Ranma's only half-way boy.  That's okay, isn't it?"
        Akane stared at her friends.  "Uh . . . "
        *BOOM!*
        A red blast of energy shot a hole in the wall, through which a
screaming student ran like hell.
        "Aaaaaaaah!  Please, Saotome, don't hurt me!"  he yelled.  He
crashed through the table where Akane sat, toppling everything and
creating a huge mess.
        "What the--"  she wondered, glancing around.  Then a familiar-
looking red-head leaped through the hole and onto what was left of the
table.
        "Come back and fight like a man!"  Onna-Ranma yelled, bounding
after him.
        One guy sighed.  "Lookit that--poor guy was after 'her' again."
        "Only one?" his friend mumbled around his food.
          While the other students cautiously rose to study the hole in the
wall, Yuka made a tsk-tsk noise.
        "These days Ranma seems more violent as a girl."
        "Um, yeah, you could say that,"  Akane murmured.  <Let me guess--
another too-frisky 'admirer' . . . who'll probably be needing therapy and
hospital care pretty soon.>
        Sayuri sighed.  "Must be tough, having so many admirers."
        "You mean having so many hentais lusting after you,"  Yuka
corrected.  "No wonder he hates guys."
        <Oh, brother,>  Akane's thoughts muttered.

        Meanwhile, out in the schoolyard, two strangers watched as Ranma
tackled the student.
        "Is that the one?"  The shorter one asked in Mandarin.
        "Yes,"  the other answered, carressing a lotus blossom.  "Aiyaa!
The old one was right--this Ranma Saotome _is_ strong."
        "It's time we got acquainted with her, yes?"
        Her companion smiled.  "I think so.  By the way--we are in Japan.
Speak Japanese."
        The other grinned.  "Of course."

        <Hentai,>  Otoko-Ranma (who just couldn't help going back male for
a little while) muttered, adjusting his backpack.  <What was the big idea-
-talking to me like _that_?  And then he ran, the coward!  Geez, and they
think _I_ got no balls?>  He sighed.  <With all the ruckus I caused I'm
surprised I didn't get suspended.  Well, hell.  It ain't like I got
control over these damn hormones . . . .>
          He rushed out of the classroom and into the schoolyard.  Spying his
fiancee, he caught up with her.
        "Yo, Akane!  What you and your girlfriends talk about at lunch
today?"
        Akane sniffed.  "My.  Aren't _you_ nosy?"
        "Aw, come offa it, Akane,"  he snorted.  "I've been the talk of
this school for weeks.  More gossip ain't gonna faze me."
         Akane rolled her eyes, somewhat amused.  "Yuka and Sayuri were
marveling at the commotion at lunch today."  She cocked an eye at him.
"Nice hole in the wall.  Getting _hormonal_ again?"
        Ranma scowled.  "Guys don't get hormonal."
        "Of course not,"  Akane said nonchalantly.  "_Guys_ don't."
        Ranma grumbled, knowing full well what she meant.  "This is such a
picnic for you, ain't it?"
        "Are you kidding?  I know _exactly_ how you feel."
        "Yeah.  That's really amazing, considering how macho you are."
        *Whap!*
        Drawing her hand back, Akane glared at him.  "I am NOT macho!"
        "Nah,"  Ranma grumbled, sticking out his tongue at her, "you're a
brutish monster!"
        "WHAAAT?"  With one deft movement, Akane chased him down the path,
swinging her schoolbag.  Onlookers watched the scene with interest.
        "There they go again,"  someone muttered.  "I swear Ranma's a
masochist."
        "Among other things,"  a girl added, snickering.
        "Chaaaa!"  Akane grunted as her schoolbag made contact with the
nearest wall, smashing a spiderweb-like impression in it.
          "Nyaah, nyaah!"  Her fiance taunted, leaping out of the way as she
swung again.  "Hah! You know, even with all that brute force, you're still
no match for me!"
        "Maybe we be, perhaps?" an unfamiliar voice cooed in Japanese.
        Ranma and Akane stopped in their tracks--Ranma in mid-leap, Akane
in mid-swing.
         Then it came.
        "Nylon Whip!"
        Out of nowhere an electrified piece of nylon snaked down, heading
straight for Ranma.  He saw the object and darted aside at the last
moment.  The strange whip made contact with the nearby wall, creating a
huge crack in it.
        "What was _that?_"  Ranma wondered.
        "It . . ."  Akane dropped her schoolbag.  "That--whatever it was--
shattered most of that wall!  But . . . it looked like just a strip of
nylon!"
        "Yeah, with some kinda ki-charge!"  Ranma assumed a stance.  "All
right--who did that?"
        "_I_ do."
        The pair looked up to see a strange young woman with long red hair
waving at them from the top of a nearby tree branch.  She bowed.
        "I am Ni Hai.  Impressive.  You not so bad, Flat-chest."
        Ranma blinked.  "Uh . . . you talking to . . . me?"
        "Wha . . .?"  Akane said.
        Ni Hai rolled her eyes.  "Of course I speaking to you!"   She
huffed.  "What is with you bad-formed girls?  Aiyaa!"
        "Uh . . ."  Ranma looked at his fiancee.  "Akane-you know what the
hell this chick's talking about?"  he asked, a drop of sweat on his head.
        His fiancee, looking equally clueless, managed, "Well . . . ."
        It was then that Ni Hai noticed Akane.  The strange girl froze,
staring.  Then her eyes went all starry.
        "Aiyaa," she breathed, almost dropping the strip of nylon serving
as her weapon of choice.  "Up close . . .so . . . so . . . so very . . .
kirei!"  She took a step toward Akane, who noted the girl's behavior and
froze.
        "Um, excuse me-why are you . . . ?!"
        "What the hell . . ."  Ranma muttered, then before he could blink,
Ni Hai shot forward--
        --glomped onto Akane.
        "Gyaaaaaah!"  Akane screamed.
        Ranma slammed onto the ground in shock while onlookers chittered
amongst themselves.  Then--
        "Perfume Bomb!"
        Suddenly someone hurled a small glass bottle of something at Akane
and her, er, um, newly-discovered admirer.  Akane saw it and managed to
roll out of the way, Ni Hai still clinging and cooing.  Exploding just a
couple of feet away, the bottle released a pungent cloud of sweet-smelling
vapor.
        "Aaaaaaah!  Airen--what you do NOW?"
        Everyone looked up as a another, somewhat taller female with green
hair pinned back with a huge lotus blossom, landed in front of her
targets, carrying a bucket.
        "Paa Fuum . . ."  Ni Hai murmured, finally noticing and suddenly
trying to look very kawaii as the other's smoldering gaze oriented on her.
        "Airen!  You forget so soon?"  the one called Paa Fuum shrieked,
baring recently acquired fangs.  "We are here on mission."  She pointed at
Ranma.  "Ranma Saotome, we challenge you!"
        Hearing the word 'challenge,' Ranma's initial confusion quickly
vanished.  "Oh, is that right?  And just who are you anyway?"
        "Ranma!"   Akane yelled, glowing.  "Get this girl off me!"
        "But I comfortable!"  Ni Hai whined, pouting.
        "Argh!"  Somewhat pissed, Paa Fuum reached into bottlespace and
pulled out a small glass spray bottle.  Still frowning, she sprayed Ni Hai
with it.
        "Uh . . ."  Ni Hai moaned, suddenly compelled to let go.  She rose
and stood at her companion's side.
        "Spoilsport,"  she muttered.
        Paa Fuum calmly yanked on one of Ni Hai's braids.  "Stop!  We have
business."  Taking up the bucket, Paa Fuum threw it at Ranma, smacking him
right in the face.
        "Oww!"  He--or rather, _she_--whined, shaking the water out of her
red hair.  "Hey, what was _that_ for?"
        Paa Fuum chuckled.
        "Now we fight the way we supposed to."  Nudging her companion, she
pointed at Onna-Ranma.  "Ni Hai--we attack!"
        Ni Hai, however, hadn't budged.  Puzzled, Paa Fuum turned to look
at her.
        As she feared, Ni Hai was staring at Ranma, completely oblivious to
everything else.
        "Ohhhh . . . "  the girl breathed.  "So very . . . _very_ much
kirei!"  She leaped forward.  Paa Fuum tried to grab her, but she was too
late.  A second later Ni Hai had glomped onto Ranma--
        --and smooched her.  On the lips.
        Ranma's body stiffened from shock.
        Akane's large eyes were like two full moons.  Meanwhile, the
onlookers were going crazy.
        "Ah-ha!  Did you see that!"  "I knew it!  I knew it!"  "Man,
Saotome should be ashamed--with another girl, and right in front of
Akane!" "Humph!  Shoulda known he was a--" "He's a dead girl, you hear me?
Dead . . . "
        "Umpf?"  Ranma managed, her heart thumping so hard it could've
burst from her chest, her pigtail twitching.
        Then she felt it--the stirring of something
. . .
        <Oh--my--god . . . >
        Meanwhile, Akane was glowing so brightly she might have set the
concrete on fire.
        "Why you . . . you . . ."  She grabbed the nearest bench and threw
it at Ni Hai.
        Ni Hai caught the movement and shoved herself and Ranma aside.  She
frowned.  "Do you mind?  I busy."
        Paa Fuum was twitching.  "Should have known!  That's it.  I kill
her."  With a flourish she leaped into the air.
        "Hana Ken!"
        Producing an over-sized lotus blossom from flowerspace (well, from
where else?), Paa Fuum sprang forward and swung it at Ni Hai, smacking
her.
        "Oww!  Meanie!"  she whined.
        Furious, Akane rushed her recently-freed fiancee.
        "Ranma,"  she growled, collaring osage-no-onna, "you'd better have
a good explanation for"--then she gasped.
        Ranma started glowing _bright red._
        Clenching her teeth, Ranma growled, "Akane no baka--move!"
        Then Akane--and the onlookers--had only a split second to obey
before Ranma released the Haze.

        Onna-Ranma slumped to the ground, breathing hard.
        <What the . . . How . . . Why did I do that?>
        Coughing, Akane stared at her fiancee.  "Ran . . . Ranma . . . you
. . you just . . . "  <I don't believe this!  The Haze works on _girls_,
too?!>  Her large eyes traced the burned path leading from Ranma to some
trees several yards away.  They'd been reduced to ashes!
        "Damn!  Those must be some hormones,"  someone muttered.
        <Incredible!>  Akane thought, reeling from the shock.  <He--he
just--when that girl-->
        "Well done, Son-in-law!"
        Everyone looked up to see a familiar wrinkled visage staring down
from a nearby tree branch.
        The Nyannichuan-cursed martial artist had recovered enough to
shriek.  "Aaaaaah!  The ghoul!"
        "Grandmother Cologne!"  Akane glared at the old Amazon. "I'll bet
you were behind this attack!  What are you up to now?"
        "Do not use that tone on Great-grandmother!"  High-pitched Shampoo
appeared, followed by an entourage of strange women, who conferred amongst
themselves in Mandarin.
        Akane gasped.
        Smiling, Cologne continued, tipping a kettle of hot water over
Ranma.  "You never cease to amaze me--I knew that given the right
conditions you'd use the Haze.  That's just what the Joketsuzoku wanted to
confirm."
        "Uh," Ranma began, switching back to male form, "Ghoul . . . did
you say . . . Joketsuzoku?"
        Cologne nodded.
        *Gulp.*  "As in  . . . the Woman Hero Tribe from China?  _Those_
Joketsuzoku???!"
        "Indeed."
        "Chigau!  No, not more of them!  Nooo!"
        "Would you stop that?"  Cologne snapped, smacking him with her
staff.  "From now on you needn't worry anymore, Mukodono."  Her eyes
narrowed.  "Especially not one who channels the Red Haze."
        Otoko-Ranma froze.   "Wait a minute.  You . . . know about . . ."
        "Of course I do!  What do you think I am, senile?"  Cologne growled
irritably, tossing her long white hair.  "A month ago I saw you blast
Happi--and a good chunk of your home--clean away!  I haven't seen that
kind of ki energy output in decades!"  She patted Ranma on the shoulder.
        "Groom . . . we have to talk."

        At the Nekohanten everyone, including the newly arrived Joketsuzoku
warriors, gathered around Cologne as she pulled forth a scroll.  She was
about the read when Mouuse walked in.
        Paa Fuum, sitting with a (bruised) Ni Hai and excited Shampoo,
rolled her eyes.
        "Oh no--Mousse!  Why she here?"
        Akane's jaw dropped.  "SHE?"
        Shampoo glanced over at Akane.  "Ni Hai and Paa Fuum call everyone
'she,' even men.  Never could break habit."
        " . . . "  went Akane.
          "Have a seat, Mousse,"  Cologne instructed, then sighed as Shampoo
made him kiss the floor for some reason or other.  "Oh dear.  Anyway,"
she continued, turning back to Ranma, "this arrived the other day.
Basically the characters read as follows:

                'We, the Joketsuzoku, hereby welcome the one known as Ranma
Saotome, vessel of the Red Haze, into the Amazon tribe.'"

                Silence.  Then Ranma fell out of his seat, stunned.  Akane
sat speechless, the two new Amazons smiled kawaiily, Mousse twitched,
and the rest of the Amazons cheered.
        Then Ranma found his voice.        "Uh, ghoul,"  he managed, pulling
himself up, "did . . . you . . . say . . . that I'm . . . uh . . ."
        "That's right."  Cologne rolled up the scroll.  "You, Son-in-law,
because of your--heh, heh, recently acquired power--are now a member of
the Joketsuzoku.  Congratulations!"
        "Hey, wait a minute!"  Certain this was yet another of Cologne's
traps, Akane leaped to her feet.  "That--that can't be right!  You're an
_Amazon_ tribe.  Women.  Ranma's a--a guy!"
        "Perhaps,"  Cologne countered, hopping over to her on her staff,
"but he channels the Haze.  And according to our law, not only must he
become part of the tribe . . . but he's also considered to be a full and
complete woman!"
        "WHAT'D YOU SAY?"  Ranma's eyes twitched as he absorbed this bit of
information.  "That's crazy!  I'm a guy!"
        "You got these"--Paa Fuum made a cupping gesture over her chest--
"when I splash you,"  she pointed out.
        "And _she_--"Ni Hai grumbled, indicating Akane--"is likely very
interested in them."
        Shampoo blinked, then stared at Akane.
        Akane flushed red, and pointed at Ni Hai.  "Hey!  But what about--"
        "Any Amazon can tell you,"  Cologne interrupted, "that no _man_ can
channel the Red Haze."  Murmurs of agreement came from the Joketsuzoku.
Then she chuckled.  "Though we all know Ranma's no ordinary man, eh?"
        "And a cassanova and hentai to boot,"  a sullen Mousse grumbled.
        "Well, you needn't worry,"  the old woman went on.  "I'm sure the
entire tribe will agree to let you marry my Shampoo anyway."  She winked
at him.  "We know you're really a man, after all."
        "Aiyaa!"  cooed Shampoo, daydreaming about the perfect wedding.
Akane started glowing, and Ranma found he had a sudden headache.
        <Oh god.  Won't this old bat ever quit?>  "Yeah, um, look, I'm, uh,
honored and whatever"--he stood up--"but I'm leaving.  I get the feeling I
don't wanna hear the rest of this."
        Cologne folded her arms.  "You can leave, but this group of
Joketsuzoku warriors will be escorting you back to China."
        "Back to China?"  Akane repeated.
        The old Amazon nodded.  "Why, of course.  He's an Amazon now--he
needs to be with his tribe."        She smirked.  Ranma may have pretty much
declared his preference for Akane during that Phoenix-feather incident,
but the old one was stubborn.  Besides, how did she know it all wasn't a
trick anyway?  Ranma was one crafy--and stubborn--young man!
        Ranma pounded his fist on a nearby table.  "Oh, to hell with that!"
He resisted the urge to wince from a sudden painful spasm (While "in
phase," it was _never_ a good idea for Otoko-Ranma to get too pissed
off--he'd faint--er, pass out.  Trust me:  This condition can have a weird
affect on males, even half-males. ;) "I AIN'T GOING TO CHINA!"
        "You so sure, Airen?"  Shampoo cooed, eyes fluttering kawaiily at
him.
        He faultered.  "Huh?"
        "You do not understand,"  the purple-haired Amazon continued,
sticking out her tongue at Akane.  "You are part of tribe--you have no
choice.  Besides"--she slinked up to him, making him *eep*--why you want
such uncute fiancee who beat on you like bongo?"
        Ranma started sweating, very uncomfortable with her closeness
(well, Akane was right there!)  "Uh. ."
        *Wham!*
        Akane had thrown the nearest table, missing Shampoo but not Ranma.
        "Brute,"  he mumbled from the floor.
        Akane jerked on his pigtail.  "Would you please develop some balls
and fight these girls off?"
        "Hey--I _have_ balls, thank you!  And besides--guys don't fight
girls!"
        "Oh?"  Akane snatched up a pitcher of water.
        "Gyaaah!  You wouldn't!"
        "Please do,"  Ni Hai cooed.
        Paa Fuum instantly laid her out.
        "Um, excuse me,"  Cologne interrupted.
        "WHAT?"  Akane and Ranma snapped.
        Cologne sniffed.  "I think it's only fair to warn you that it would
be best you comply, Mukodono."
        "Yeah?"  The Pig-tailed Boy sneered.  "And why's that?"
        The ancient Amazon chuckled.  "Because if you don't, my little
Amazon 'granddaughters' here"--she indicated Ni Hai and Paa Fuum--"will be
forced to do cruel, unspeakably evil things to you."
        Ranma yawned.  "Whatever.  C'mon, tomboy, let's get the hell outta
here."  He grabbed Akane's arm.
        "Baka,"  Akane hissed in his ear, "we can't just walk out of here--
who knows what Grandmother Cologne's plotting!"
        "Get real.  What 'evil' things could those two possibly do?"
        Watching them go, Cologne sighed.
        <I hate to resort to this, but we have no choice!  My tribe's
getting impatient, and my poor Shampoo so desperately wants her 'husband'
. . .>
        "Ni Hai, Paa Fuum."  She waved them over.
        "Yes, elder?"
        The old Amazon bent closer.  "Here's what I need you to do."

Part II:  The Joketsuzoku 'Love Torture' ;)

        The next morning Kasumi was attending Happousai, who was stretched
out on a pallet.
        "I really don't understand him,"  Nodoka said, handing Kasumi the
basin of water.  "He's a very wise and powerful old man, but . . . he
really should do something about his excessive lust!"
        "Well,"  Nabiki quipped, "you've got to admit--your son's one
popular babe."
        Nodoka gasped.  "Nabiki!"
        Outside on the porch Akane watched as Onna-Ranma dragged herself
out of the pond, followed by Genma-Panda.
        <If I didn't know better, boy,> the Panda signed, <I'd say you fell
in there on purpose.>
        "Yeah, well, think what you like, Oyaji," his son/daughter
grumbled, wringing out her pigtail.  "Now get outta my face, will ya?  I
ain't in the best of moods right now."
        "Browgh,"  the Panda grumbled.  <Ingrate!  Is that any way to talk
to your own father?>  He smacked his offspring with the sign--
        --only to have Ranma retaliate by smacking him back, leaving the
howling Panda to hop about on one foot.
        "Kuso oyaji,"  Ranma grumbled, sitting down and taking off her
shirt to wring it out.
        Akane watched her fiancee out the corner of her eye.  <Poor Ranma,>
she thought.  These past few months hadn't exactly been easy for him.  If
Kunou or Ryouga or _somebody_ wasn't trying to beat the hell out of him,
someone else was chasing him about, asking for a date!  Ever since Ranma
had developed the Haze, his life had gotten even more complicated.  She
sighed.  <But it's not as if life were normal before. . .>
        She watched as Onna-Ranma wrung out her shirt, feeling another of
those twinges of jealousy.  <He actually _does_ look good--no--_great_ in
female form,>  she admitted grudgingly.  <But then his male form is pretty
nice, too, so it only makes sense. . .>
        Suddenly she drew a sharp breath.  What was she doing?  Was she
sitting her, admiring her fiancee's _present_ form?
        <What am I . . . >  Strange.  Before she'd mainly concentrated on
his regular form, but lately--well, Ranma _did_ have a tendency to stay in
female form almost as much as he did in male form.  And he _had_ said that
he was becoming indifferent to being half-way male . . . .
        <Why am I thinking like this?>  she wondered.  <Isn't it perverted
for me to . . . .  And is . . . is it because of those two Amazons--Ni Hai
and Paa Fuum?>
        There was something about those two . . . .
        "Ne, Ranma."
        Onna-Ranma glanced over at her.  "Yeah, what?"
        Akane cleared her throat.  "Um . . . how . . . that is . . . how
are you . . . dealing with your. . . problem _now_?"
        The red-head blinked, then flushed red.  "Well
. . hey, Akane, is Ma out of earshot?"
        Akane looked inside the house.  "Well . . . yes, I think
so."
        "Good."
  Ranma took a deep breath.  Then--
        "Waaaaah!"  She sprang over and sobbed into Akane's lap.
        "Ranma!  What--"
        "It's these damn hormones!"  Ranma whined.  "They're driving me
crazy!  And all these damn cramps, and having to . . . having to . . .
Kuso!  How do you chicks stand those things?  And then this jerk in the
store gave me the weirdest look--I wanted to kill him!"
        "Uh, Ranma,"  Akane said, blushing, "you _were_ a girl when you got
those, weren't you?"
        "Yeah,"  Ranma sniffed.  "But still . . . he looked at me
weird."            
"Guys tend to be uncomfortable about that sort of thing, Ranma."       
Ranma thought a moment, then nodded.  "Yeah, I guess, but it was still
embarrassing!  And it still feels . . . weird . . ."
        "Poor guy,"  murmured Akane.  "Say, why don't you change back?
Isn't Grandfather Happousai still in that coma you put him in?" 
Ranma shrugged.  "He'll probably snap out of it today, but he should leave me
alone for a while."
        Akane motioned her inside.  "Sort of makes you want to get rid of
your curse, doesn't it?"
        "Humph."  Ranma leaned against the kitchen wall.  "I'm starting to
think it wouldn't help."
        "Hmm."  Filling the kettle with water, Akane regarded her fiance
out the corner of her eye.
        "Ranma?"
        "Yeah?"
        She set the kettle on the stove.  "I . . . know it's been hard for
you these last few weeks, with this Haze thing--and all those idiots at
school."
        "Huh--tell me about it!"  Suddenly Ranma perked up. "I mean, geez!
But that's what I get for being gorgeous."
        Akane rolled her eyes.  <Argh!  That ego . . . >  "I guess.  And
what about those two Amazon girls--Ni Hai and Paa Fuum?  I wonder what
they'll be up to."
        "Feh.  They're from the ghoul's tribe, so they probably plan to
give us hell.  But one thing's for sure--I ain't going back with them to
China.  No way."
        "Oh?  Not even to visit Jusenkyou?"
        Osage no onna thought for a moement.  "You notice I _never_ had any
luck with Jusenkyou?  Besides," Ranma continued, winking, "why risk
damaging this gorgeous body of mine?  You'd be a spinster for sure!"
        For a moment Akane paused.  Then she snorted.  "Why do I put up
with you?"
        Ranma managed a kawaii grin.  "You don't know?"
        Akane blushed.  "Well . . ."  <He really is cute when he's not
being a jerk,>  she thought.

        That night Akane lay awake, deep in thought.
        <He really is cute when he's not being a jerk . . . .>
        And Ranma was in girl-mode no less.
        <This doesn't make any sense,>  Akane thought, fluffing her pillow.
<Ever since this Haze thing--I've been . . . noticing his cursed form!
What's wrong with me?  Am I . . . hentai?  But--Ranma's a guy, isn't he?>
        She thought about that time they were in the cave, back when the
Love Bug had trapped them underground.  Ranma had been female then, and
Akane clearly remembered how . . . safe she'd felt.  And Ranma _hadn't_
tried to take advantage of her then, and never had.  And when Akane had
asked to lean on _her_ shoulder, Ranma had acted as if he were more
worried about Akane's feelings than his own.
        *I only wanted the Jusenkyou water for your sake, Akane.*
        <Ranma, did you mean that?  If so . . . can it be that . . . that
you really _don't_ care about your curse anymore . . .>
        <That _she_ really is . . . you . . . ?>
        She closed her eyes.  There.  She'd thought what she'd stubbornly
tried to avoid doing for the longest time.  Ranma's strange affinity for
his cursed form--it was something she'd never really spoken with him
about.
        And if he'd hadn't developed the Haze, she might never have
considered doing so.
        <Ranma, how do you feel about _me_ . . . when you're like that?>
        Then she tingled with ki.
        "This is ridiculous!"  she exploded, sitting up in bed.  "What am I
thinking?  These lousy hentai thoughts--if that jerk had only been normal
in the first place, I'd never--I'd never--"
        In frustration she clutched at her wrist . . . and felt it.
        She glanced down.
        The gold bracelet--the very one for which Onna-Ranma had, ahem,
performed before the whole student body--was on her wrist, as it had been
ever since Ranma had given it to her.
        Tears welled up in her large eyes.
        <He--she--won this . . . for me . . .>
        Caressing the bracelet, she wondered.
        <Ranma, is it . . . is it possible that I can . . . .>
        She couldn't wait any longer.  She _had_ to know.

        At the Nekohanten Shampoo huffed, impatient.
        "Great-grandmother, are you _sure_ about this?"
        "Trust me, child,"  Cologne answered.  "It's the only way.  And
don't worry--Paa Fuum will go along to make sure Ni Hai, ah, doesn't get
too carried away."
        "Humph,"  The purple-haired Amazon folded her arms.  "I still do
not approve of their methods.  I like my Little Sister villagers, but
. . but I never could understand why they bicker like an old married
couple."
        Cologne sighed.  <Shampoo, sometimes you are _so_ naive.>  "Pray
that they succeed, granddaughter.  Our warriors are anxious to return to
China, and we can't afford to lose!"  She smiled.  "And Groom will make
such a wonderful husband for you."
        Shampoo went all starry-eyed.  "You are sooooo right."

        That night Ranma decided to take a bath.
        <Man, I'll be glad when this Haze thing is over,>  Otoko-Ranma
mentally grumbled as he soaked.  <Not that I mind the added ki-power, but
. . geez, how do chicks _stand_ it?  OK, maybe all of 'em don't Haze,
but . . . damn!  And they think _testosterone_ is a pain?>
        He lay back, enjoying the feel of the steam against his body,
soothing his aching form . . . .
        Then something bubbled in the water before him.        "Huh?"  He sat up,
startled, then freaked out as a soaking-wet, giggling, and naked female
rose out of the water.
        "Oh my god!  Sh-Shampoo--is--is that you?"
        "No, Kirei."  The steam cleared a bit to, ahem, reveal Ni Hai.
Smiling kawaiily, she waved.
        "Gyaaaaaah!"  Hysterical, Ranma leaped out, grabbed the nearest
bath-towel, and plastered himself against the wall.  "You--you're that
huggy-feely Amazon chick--Ni Hai!"
        "Uh-huh."
        "H-how'd you get in here?!  Whaddaya want?"
        Ni Hai climbed out and casually grabbed the nearest shower head.
"Oh, just this."  With that she promptly sprayed Ranma.
        Onna-Ranma scowled at her.   "What was _that_ for?"  Then she
*eeped* as Ni Hai slinked toward her.
        "Uh . . . Ni Hai . . . why are you . . ."
        Cooing, Ni Hai held up a finger.  "Shush.  No talk.  Be pleased to
stand there and be--"she fluttered her eyes--"kirei."  Then she snuggled
up against her.
        Suddenly Ranma felt veerrry uncomfortable.  "Uh, uh, Ni Hai . . . "
        *Knock, knock!*  "Ranma?"  Akane's voice!  "Ranma, I heard you
yell.  What's wrong?"
        "Go 'way, please,"  murmured Ni Hai dreamily.
        Outside Akane frowned.  "Ranma . . . is someone in there with you?"
        Sweating, Ranma wondered if she should dare speak.  <If the tomboy
finds me in here . . . with this girl . . . like this . . .>
        Then she felt a strange stirring in her body.          Her eyes widened.
        <No way . . . . Not again!>
        "Uh, Ni Hai, get off me,"  Ranma insisted.
         "Umm, but I so comfortable,"  Ni Hai breathed.
        The tingling intensified.  Ranma squirmed.  "Ni Hai," she warned,
"I mean it.  Get outta here!"
        The Amazon pouted.  "But--" Then she drew back slightly, and
gasped.
        Meanwhile, Paa Fuum, hiding outside the window, clenched her fist.
        "Ni Hai, you . . ."  Why in hell did she agree to this?  She rose
to her feet.
        By now Akane's curiosity had gotten the better of her.  "That's it!
I'm coming in."  Knowing her fiance never locked the door, she slid it
open, stepped in, and halted in her tracks.
        There was Ranma--backed up against the wall with an equally
uninhibited female.
        And glowing bright-red.
        "Get off him!"  Akane yelled, shoving the stunned Ni Hai aside.
        It was just in time, for a split second later Ranma released a
blast of energy that blew out the bathroom window, narrowing missing Paa
Fuum.
        Stunned, Paa Fuum thought there should be a change in plan.
        Akane spied her.  "Paa Fuum!"
        Grinning nervously, Paa Fuum grabbed Ni Hai by the arm.  "Nihao--
Shaishen!  We go now!"  And she dragged her protesting Airen away.
        Meanwhile Ranma and Akane could hear them arguing in Chinese.
        "But I was sooo close!"  Ni Hai whined.
        "Argh!  Grandmother Cologne said 'close,' but not _that_ close!"
screamed Paa Fuum, chasing after her with some Perfume Bombs.

        Onna-Ranma froze as Akane stared at her.  Then silently Akane slid
the door shut behind her and locked it.
        Certain she was as good as dead, Ranma "promise posed."
         "Um . . . look, Akane, it's wasn't my fault!   That girl--s-she
just popped up!  And then--she grabbed me.  And then--and then--"
        Akane stepped forward.
        Ranma saw the beating of the century (or a slow, painful death,
whichever came first) in her future.
        "Ok, go right ahead,"  Ranma snapped.  "What just happened looked
real bad, and I know you probably won't listen to me, so why try?  Just go
right ahead and kick my ass.  Go on!"
        She braced herself.
        Instead, she felt Akane taking the towel and wrapping it around
her.
        Ranma opened one eye.  "Wha--"
        The red-head looked over to see Akane studying the hole the ki
blast had made.
        Scratching her head, Ranma managed feebly, "Gee, sorry about that.
I, um, couldn't hold back."  <OK, this is weird.  She ain't tried to kill
me _yet?!_>
        Then Akane's large eyes turned to regard her fiance.  "Ranma . . .
you tried to Haze that girl again, didn't you?"
        "Well . . ."  This was completely unexpected.  "Well . . . I . . .
yeah."
        "Why?"
        "Uh, geez, dunno.  I guess . . . I didn't want her touching
me."
        "Umm."  Akane bit her lip.  "Because she was a girl?"
        Ranma blinked.  Now this was really getting weird!  "Ah . . . "
         "Just answer the question, Ranma."
        Ranma looked away, absently flexing the fingers on her right hand
in her nervousness.
        "I . . . don't wanna say."
        "Why not?"
        Ranma's large blue eyes regarded her.  "Don't you got enough
reasons to call me 'hentai?'"
        Akane swallowed.  She sat at the edge of the bathtub and patted the
spot next to her.
        Still a little suspicious, Ranma complied.
        It was a long moment before either girl spoke.
        "Ranma,"  Akane
began, glancing up shyly, "those two Amazons are sort of . . . unusual,
aren't they?"
        "Unusual?  Howzat?"
        Her fiance shrugged.  "Well . . . I heard one of them call the
other 'Airen,' just like Shampoo calls you."  She paused.  "And then that
girl Ni Hai was in here cuddling up to you."
        Ranma yawned.  "So?"
        Akane's eyes shrunk to pinpoints.  "So . . . I think they're . . .
well . . . "
        "Hold it.  You think they're a . . . couple?!  Hentais?"
        Akane glanced up sharply.  "I wouldn't be so disparaging if I were
you."
        "Huh?  But--" <Man, did she hit her head or something?!>  "B-b-but-
-"
        "I mean,"  Akane suddenly became interested in the ceiling, "look
at us.  We . . . half-way qualify, too, don't we?"
        Ranma opened her mouth to protest, then thought about it.  "But
. . I'm . . . "
        "A guy.  Yes, I know.  But let's face it:  I don't think you are
_all the time._"  She tapped Ranma's forehead for emphasis.
        Ranma pinched herself.  Ouch!  No, this wasn't a dream.  "But
. . I mean . . . how can you say that?  I know I have the Haze now, but
. . "
        Akane eyed her askance.  "Oh, don't tell me _you're_ still in
denial--eh, Little Egypt?"
        "What?"
        Akane got up and wiggled her hips around.
        Ranma blushed deep red.  "I was trying to win the fight--leave me
alone,"  she muttered, pouting.
        "And even if that weren't so," Akane continued, rubbing her hands,
"'she'--Akane indicated a glittering gold object on her wrist--"won me
this at that ball a few weeks ago.  And that was really . . . sweet."
        Distracted, Ranma grinned.  "You're wearing it!"
        "Duh, Ranma no baka, of course I am.  I've worn it since you gave
it to me.  You just never noticed."
        "Oh."  Ranma shrugged shyly.  "Hey, you . . . remember that scarf
you knitted me that one Christmas?"
        "Yeah?"
        "I still have it, you know.  I keep it in a special place."
        "Really?  Where?"  She looked Ranma up and down.  "I don't see it
anywhere."
        Ranma fell off her perch.
        Akane giggled.  "Gotcha!"
        "Meanie,"  her fiance muttered, sitting cross-legged on the floor.
        "Anyway, I have to admit--even though I get annoyed with your
behavior, I guess . . . it's not so bad.  I mean, deep down I know you're
not really a cassanova."  She quirked an eyebrow.  "Or a floozie."
        "Well--you should know!"  Ranma ran a hand through her red hair.
"I don't get--why does everyone think the worst of me?"
        Akane's eyes shrunk to pinpoints.  "Honestly!  Do you really not
understand how people react to the things you do?!"
        "I'm just being me!"  Ranma retorted.
        "Whatever."        Akane groaned.
        "Besides,"  Ranma went on, "what's it matter anyway?  They're
probably just jealous.  And mad 'cause I don't want any of them.  And come
to think of it"--she looked up at Akane--"I guess it's only natural
_you're_ in love with me:  I'm strong, handsome"--she looked down at
herself--"beautiful, and . . . the greatest martial artist on the face of
the earth."  She winked.  "You're so lucky, baby."
        "Now wait--you make it sound like _I_ like you or something,"
Akane pointed out, amused but hiding it behind a frown.
        Her fiance spread her hands.  "You don't gotta admit to it--I
_know_ it."
        "Typical guy,"  Akane huffed.  "Doesn't 'she' teach you anything?"
        Ranma's eyes made that squelchy noise as she blinked.  "Like what?"
        Defeated, Akane slumped over.  "Never mind."
          The two sat in silence a moment longer.  Then, her heart pounding,
Akane spoke again.
        "So, Ranma . . . you tried to Haze that girl because . . . you
didn't like _her_ . . . near you?"
        The red-head slowly nodded.  "Yeah . . . I mean, I don't know her,
and . . . she just ain't the right person . . . for me.  Not like . . . "
But Ranma couldn't finish.  Instead, she blushed.
        So did Akane.  "I see."  Absently she felt the bathwater.  "Uh-oh.
Your water's cold.  Guess I'd better let you get back to your bath."  She
rose, then bent down and squeezed Ranma's hand.
        Their eyes met.  Then--
        "Um . . . Ranma . . . have you . . . ever wanted . . . to . . . um,
well . . . kiss me?"  Akane blurted out.
        *Ba-dump, ba-dump* went Ranma's heart.  "K-k-kiss . . . you?!"
        Akane dropped her gaze.  "Well . . . yeah!  I-I mean . . . it's
weird.  The thought just"--she swallowed as her pulse accelerated--
"entered my head, and you know we've never really . . .  I mean, we've
started dating, but we haven't . . . "
        Ranma gulped.  "Uh . . . uh . . ."
        Akane quirked an eyebrow, then sat back down, folding her arms.  "I
knew it."
        Ranma frowned.  "Knew what?"
        "Oh,"  Akane said casually, "that you're chicken, that's all."
        "What?"  The red-head leaped to her feet and glared at Akane.
"Whaddaya mean 'chicken,' huh?"
        "Honestly, Ranma, you do this every time!  Just what are you afraid
of?"
        "AFRAID?"  <What's the big idea, insulting me like that?>  "Maybe,"
Ranma snapped, bending closer, "I don't _wanna_ kiss you!"
        "Oh really?"  Akane looked up and fluttered her eyes.
        Ranma faultered a moment.  "Uh . . . yeah!  B-because . . . because
. ."
        "Because you _can't_ kiss!"  Akane supplied, snorting.  "Tsk, tsk.
And you're supposed to be soooo wonderful.  Hah!"
        That did it.  "OK, you--"  The red-head bent forward.
        *Smooch!*
        A moment later a yawning Genma-Panda roared his annoyance at
finding the door locked.
        <Kuso!>  Ranma growled.  <*Sigh*  Just when things were getting
good . . .>

        The next day Souun Tendou was bent over, studying the shougi board.
        "Your move, Saotome."
        <Hmmm . . . .> read the Panda's sign as he also studied it.
        Just then Kasumi walked in.
        "Father, you'll be happy to know someone will be here tomorrow to
fix that broken window in the bathroom."
        "Hmm?  Oh, that's nice,"  Souun said, then did a double-take.
"Hold it, Kasumi--WHAT broken window?!"
        "Ohayo!"  Just then Akane came running in from her morning jog.
        "Akane,"  Sounn asked frantically, "do you know anything about a
broken window?"
        <Who cares about that?>  the Panda signed.  <Make your move
already!>
        Casually Akane wiped away her sweat with her towel.  "Nope.  Not a
thing.  So--what's new?"  she continued, sweeping past them.
        <Nothing besides that broken window,>  Genma-Panda signed, then
sniffed the air.        <You smell that?>  he asked, then--
        *CRASH!*
        The patio door splintered, revealing a green-haired young woman
with a lotus blossom on her head.
        "Gyaaaaaaah!"  Souun shrieked, surveying the damage.  "Not again!"
        The noise brought the rest of the household.
        "Hey!"  Otoko-Ranma puffed, sliding to a halt.  "It's that Amazon
chick--Toilet Water!"
        Paa Fuum's battle aura flared up.  "Name is _PAA FUUM!_  Argh!"
Somewhat pissed, she whipped out the bottle of perfume.
        "Perfume Bomb!"
        Paa Fuum's trademark attack blew yet another hole in the wall.
        Souun fainted, leaving Genma to fan him.
        "Time is up, Ranma Saotome!"  Paa Fuum shouted, pointing at him.
"You must return to China or else!"
        "Or else what?"  Ranma countered.
        Paa Fuum took a deep breath.  "Then _I_ be next person in your
bath."
        "WHAT?!"  The cast members stared at Ranma.
        "Son,"  Nodoka said sweetly, whipping out her katana, "please tell
me she's joking."
        Kasumi sighed.  "Your hormones again, I assume?"
        "Ranma, you sly dog,"  Nabiki quipped.
        "Uh . . ."  the Pig-Tailed Boy groaned, twitching.  He didn't doubt
Paa Fuum would make good the threat.
        Then his eyes narrowed.
        "C'mon, tomboy."  He grabbed Akane's arm.
        "Wait!  Where are we--"
        "No time to explain!  Just c'mon, okay?"
        Springing off, he made for a certain Chinese restaurant.

Part III:        More Than They Bargained For . . . Way More ;)

        "Yo--anybody here?"
        The front door of the Nekohanten caved in, and Ranma, still holding
his fiancee, entered.  It was dark and unusually quiet.
        Fuming--but doing his best not to get TOO angry--Ranma scanned his
surroundings.
        "Now--where they run off to?"
        "Bodice Web!"
        From a corner of the room something that looked like a bodice
changed to a net in mid-air and whipped straight for Ranma.  Gasping, he
leaped aside as the strange net snagged the nearest table.
        "Whoa!"  He glanced in the direction the net had come from and
spied a frustrated Ni Hai pulling on a blouse.
        "Damn!  Even in that form you pretty fast, Flat-chest,"  Ni Hai
muttered.  "Be still for once!"
        "Never mind that!"  piped in Akane.  "Where's your partner, you
floozie?"
        "Right here, cutie."
         At the opposite end of the room stood Paa Fuum, followed by
Shampoo, Cologne, and the other visiting Amazons.  Shampoo waved.
        "Nihao, Airen!"
        "Yo,"  Ranma called, then oriented on Cologne.  "There you are, you
old bat!"
        Cologne huffed.  "My, you are _so_ rude!"
        Akane grabbed his arm.  "You mind telling me what you're planning
to do?"
        "Just trust me, all right?"  He cracked his knuckles.  "I'm gonna
get these chicks outta my hair for good."  He strode toward 'the ghoul.'
        "Hey, I've come to give you my answer, ghoul."
        "Really?"  The old Amazon's saucer-like eyes lit up, and the other
Amazons chattered amongst themselves in Mandarin.  "You've had enough?
You'll agree to come to China and become Shampoo's groom?"
        "Yep."
        <Say what?>  Akane thought.
        Shampoo, on the other hand, was squealing with glee.  "Is true?
Oh!"  She glomped onto Ranma.  "I so happy!"  Then she started kissing him
all over.
        Akane glowed even brighter.
        Cologne noticed Akane's reaction, but ignored her for the time
being.  She hopped forward on her staff.  "So--you'll accept your fate and
be done with it, eh?"  Her eyes narrowed.  "But why, all of a sudden,
Groom?"
        "Well . . . "  Squirming, Ranma got out of Shampoo's grip and
pulled a microphone out of microphone-space (wow, everything has a 'space'
in anime, doesn't it?).
        "Before I go, I wanna get something straight,"  he announced.
"Okay, ghoul, tell me--ain't it true that under your Amazon law your tribe
considers me--female?"
        Cologne frowned, wondering what he was getting at.  "Well . . .
yes.  But we all know you're a man."
        "Of course!"  Shampoo nodded.
        Ranma got this crafty expression.  "Oh really?"  Wiggling out of
Shampoo's grasp (again), he dashed into the kitchen.  A second later Onna-
Ranma appeared.
        "Airen, what you doing?"  Shampoo wondered.
        Ranma leaned against the counter.         "You know,"  she began, "you
Amazon chicks are really something else."
        "Come again?"  Cologne blinked.
        "Well, I didn't think even your tribe let girls marry each other."
        Shampoo fell over.  Cologne's face held a blank stare.  Paa Fuum
and Ni Hai giggled.
        Then Cologne found her voice.  "What are you talking about,
Mukodono?!"
         "That right!"  Shampoo piped in, tugging on Ranma's arm.  "Stop
being silly, Ranma!"  She puther arms around her.  "We all know you just
under influence of Nyannichuan curse."
        "Hoo, boy! Then you haven't heard what I've been up to lately!"
Ranma recounted his--er, _her_--experiences since the onset of the Haze.
When she finished, her listeners were stunned.
        "You willingly dated that Ryouga fellow?"  Cologne whispered.
        Akane twitched.  "You did WHAT?!"
        "I'll explain later.  I swear!"  Ranma protested.
        "You bellydance at masquerade ball?"  Shampoo asked, gasping.
        Ni Hai sighed.  "I wish I able to see that."
        Paa Fuum smacked her upside the head.
        "Faithless,"  she growled.
        Loud murmuring arose from the other Amazons.
        "Hold it"  Cologne said.  "That--that doesn't prove anything."
        "Aww, what's the matter, ghoul?"  Ranma taunted, sticking out her
tongue.  "You don't know what's going on in my head.  Geez, you really
think a _guy_ would do any of that stuff?"  She batted her eyes.  "And I
ain't even told you about the--harem I've got at school."
        Shocked, Cologne almost fell off her staff.  "H-ha-harem?!"
        "A lot of guys are in love with Ranma at our school,"  supplied
Akane drily.  "He gets asked out every day."
        More loud murmuring.  This time Cologne did fall off her staff.
Shampoo stood there with the most bewildered look on her face.  Ni Hai and
Paa Fuum grinned kawaiily.
        Onna-Ranma smirked.  <Oooh, I'm screwing them over big time!>  "You
know, come to think of it, I could go either way, too.  In fact, do you
chicks really want a girl around"--she faced Akane--"who'd do . . . this?"
She sprang at Akane, and before the 'tomboy' could blink--
        --Ranma kissed her.  On the lips.
        Half the room crashed to the floor.
        Seconds later Ranma withdrew from a stunned Akane.  "There,"  she
said.  "Whatcha think of that?"
        Then Akane smashed her into the floor.
        "Hey!"  the red-head mumbled.  "Why'd you--"
        "We're in _public_, you idiot!"
        "Ranma, you . . . you . . . hen . . . tai . . . ?"  Shampoo
whispered hoarsely before sinking to the floor.
        Ni Hai and Paa Fuum scowled.  They'd have to have a talk with her.
        Meanwhile, Cologne was rubbing her temple.
        "I . . . I think my tribe and I need to discuss this."

        Moments later Cologne approached Akane and Ranma (who'd switched
back to male-mode).  The ancient Amazon hopped onto the counter so she
could be on eye-level with them both.
        "All right, you win, Mukodono."
        Ranma frowned.  Had he heard right?
        "You're--you're backing off?"  Akane said.
        Cologne shook her head.  "What can I say?  You're got the rest of
the tribe thoroughly confused."
        "Confused?"  Ranma scratched his head.
        "Yes.  They're not so sure they want a--how can I put this?--a--
'shirigaru onna' as part of the tribe."
        Ranma's ki flared up.  "I ain't a 'shirigaru' ANYTHING!"
        "Mind your temper, Ranma,"  Akane advised.  "Well, what do you
know?  Your floozie act saved your butt."
        "I AIN'T A FLOOZIE!"
        <I've got the worst headache,>  mentally griped Cologne.  "Anyway,
you're free to go, Son-in--_Former_ Son-in-Law."
        "Former?"
        Suddenly there was a loud shriek.
        "What?"  Shampoo's voice in Japanese.  "Is you for REAL?"
        "Uh, you two had better leave,"  advised the old Amazon.  "My poor
Shampoo has a couple of bonbori with your name on it."
        *Gulp.*  "She's real pissed, huh?"
        Cologne groaned.  "Do the words 'Chinese Water
Torture' mean anything to you?"
        Ranma winced.  "Shit."
        "Humph.  She'll get over it,"  Akane said.  "I hope."  She tugged
on her fiancee's pigtail.  "Let's go."
        As they walked, Akane held onto Ranma tighter than she ever had
before.
        "Um, tomboy, why're you so huggy-feely all of a sudden?"
        Akane smiled.  "I'm proud of you, you know.  You finally developed
some balls."
        "I finally--"  He, frowned, thinking about it, then he understood.
"Oh, yeah.  I get it.  I'm a little offended, but I get it."
        "Good."  Then she kissed him.
        Ranma's pigtail stood straight up.
        "A-Akane, wh-what was that for?"
        "Oh, so I've got to have a reason for kissing you?"
        "No.  I just assumed you wouldn't because we both ain't . . ."
        Akane sighed.  "Don't strain yourself, okay?"
        They headed home.

        *****THE END (for the time being, of course ;)*****

Author's Note:  Well, another of my fanfics is finished--whee!  I really
enjoyed writing this one (I'm a part-time oni, you know. ;)

And yes--Shampoo is out of the running for Ranma.  Currently she's
deciding whether or not to return to China.  In the meantime, she's _very_
pissed at Ranma for 'leading her on' all this time.  *shrug*
Oh, well.  Gomen ne, Shampu . . . .

Ni Hai and Paa Fuum will probably pop up again in a future fanfic.  The
Joketsuzoku may have backed off, but that doesn't mean they still can't do
cruel, unspeakably evil things to him (or her) . . . .

Also, I want to explore the impact all this has on the other characters
(who know or find out).  After all, not only is Ranma claiming womanhood
(even if it is just part-time) but he (and 'she') is in love with Akane!
Talk about earth-shattering news!

My next installment will be "The Ukyou Dilemma" and will be submitted as
soon as I can write it (Argh!  Writer's Block!)

See ya! :)


This page was created by SimpleText2Html 1.0.3 on 2-Nov-98.