Let's save the trees by not wiping our asses.
There is a way for this to be feasible. Unfortunately, it happens to you about once a week. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You take a perfect-shit. It's the kinda shit where you KNOW you don't hafta wipe your ass after you take a dump. Of course, you wipe your ass anyway just to make sure, but afterwards, you can't help but smile when you look at the toilet paper and see not one sign of shit. That's an awesome shit.
How come it only occurs about once a week? How can we reproduce this phenomena? I'm not too sure. I know there's probably an exact science to this which probably has something to do with eating the right foods to produce 'hard' shit which is less likely to stain your ass upon exit but I believe it's more luck than not. I'm sure, with enough science, luck isn't needed anymore. All we need to do is figure it out.
Man, imagine if we always take a perfect-shit every time. We won't hafta buy toilet paper anymore, at least not for wiping our asses. All that the toilet paper would be needed for then is for wiping up our piss. You know, from when we miss because of our lousy aim. Either that or because our piss comes out in two directions, usually toward the left and the right but never straight down the middle, a side-effect we suffer from after a rough night of sex or jerking off. Oh yeah, and let's not forget wiping up the toilet rim since guys who take a shit don't like the thought of their dick touching that part of the rim that other dicks've probably touched. I think it's because that portion of the rim is just filthy since guys taking shit sometimes take a piss while seated and the piss hits that portion of the rim and sometimes out through the crack between the toilet seat and rim and down the front of the toilet to the floor. If that happens, we need to use toilet paper to wipe it up anyway....provided we DO wipe up your own piss. Afterall, if only a certain amount of piss gets on the floor, at least not enough to form a puddle, we just leave it alone. It'll evaporate eventually.
The point I'm getting at is that if we can take a perfect-shit every time, toilet paper would only be used for wiping up piss. That's pretty damn cool. We'd save a lot of trees.
You know what? Fuck Trees. I don't care about the goddam trees. So what if that's where the animals live and stuff. They have other crap to worry about besides losing their homes, like the fact that we like to eat them.
Oh yeah, trees help provide oxygen. Ah, I know, we can kill and eat those damn beavers. They chop down tress and they're made of meat. We are killing two birds with one stone, by helping save the tress and by eating food.
Whatever. Anyway, I just wanna be able to take a perfect-shit every time. I like the thought of not having to wipe my own ass. It saves me time