Button-Mashers ruin arcade games.
I love video games, especially arcade games. Of course, I dunno WHY I still like arcade games when everything coming out in the arcade also comes out on home systems. I think it's because I simply like the atmosphere. I'm very confident I'm good gamer. I've always been a good gamer, especially in fighting games.
Anyway, I was playing playing a game Marvel vs Capcom 2. Even though it's an old game nowadays, I still enjoy it. While I was playing, some guy approached me from my left and asked me if I can join in. I ALWAY play on the right side since there's a less likely chance the joysticks would be broken since the left player side is generally played MUCH more often. The guy wasn't Asian so, naturally, I figured he sucked. I KNOW you guys know what I'm talking about. If some Asian dude decides to join in and play against you, you kinda get nervous since Asian = Good Gamer. It's not necessarily the truth, but I believe it to be more true than not. Don't worry, I've played against my fair share of Asian opponents that made me wanna shout "You're fucking Asian!! Play like one!!" but then that would be stereotyping on my part.
The guy put his quarters in and pressed the 1P button. Right off the bat, I realized he wasn't THAT hardcore of a gamer. Afterall, hardcore gamers ALWAYS press the start button before they put in their quarters. If you play enough games, you eventually get used believing that there might be a chance there's a free credit in the game and he will get it, saving himself a quarter or two. Why? Because, as a hardcore gamer, there's more than a few times I've put my money in first without assuming there's a free credit on the game already and get pissed off when I spend fifty cents needlessly.
After the guy started his game, I checked out how held the joystick in his hands. He held it like a button-masher. You know, by holding the joystick with his entire hand, much like the way a guy would jerk off if he was left-handed. Having problems picturing it? Just picture the fist you make when you masturbate....but on your left hand instead. Heh, I'm sure you guys are trying out that hand gesture right now as you read. You're sick. You're making crude gestures in front of your computer.
The guy picks his characters. As he went about trying to choose characters, I saw him looking at the special-moves list located by the screen. I simply sighed, knowing that this was going to be a sad match.
After he picks his characters and the match starts, he starts button mashing like there's no tomorrow. He's shaking the joystick left and right and hitting all six-buttons at the same time. He even accidentally hit the 1P button because I saw his character do a pose briefly. As I watch him mashing away, I can't help but feel a sense of hatred toward that guy. Why? Because it's people like him that ruin the joysticks at arcade games. They're always overstraining the joysticks and buttons by constantly mashing away.
Because of my animosity toward button mashers, show no mercy. I use my most damaging combos so that I could take him off the machine as soon as possible, so he doesn't do more damage to the joysticks from being on longer than need be. As I'm beating him down, he says 'That's cheap' several times when I did any combo on him. I just ignored him and finished him off quickly. After he lost, he turns toward me and said I was a cheap bastard and left. I wanted to blow up but I didn't.
At that point, I decided I'm going to make a rant about button mashers. You know who you are? You're the reason joysticks and buttons break much quicker than expected. How fucking hard is it to TRY and figure out what the fuck you're doing? Are you a fucking idiot? How can you not realize that mashing buttons is useless? Ever notice that only the people that fucking suck at video games uses that 'cheap' excuse? Rather than people saying 'I suck', they seem to be in denial about how much they such by believing someone is being 'cheap' to them. When do I use that 'cheap' excuse? Virtually never!!!! I only call you 'cheap' if you hit me in the game. Afterall, the only way anyone is going to hit me is if they use 'cheap' tactics on me.
It pisses me off that button mashers seem to only play fighting games. Do you assholes have some kinda quota for fighting game joysticks you need to meet every month? Why can't they AT LEAST try and play a game correctly? I see you fucking button mashers play racing games and it ACTUALLY looks like you know what you're doing....except you suck at driving. How come you can't do the same with fighting games? How come you shake a joystick around in a fighting game but don't go shaking the steering wheel around all the time when in a racing game?
I know, I've seen my fair share of assholes constantly twisting the steering wheel left and right and left and right again...but that's because they're TRYING to drive right and don't realize that they need to quit steering all the way to the left to counter steer when you start oversteering to the right and vice versa.
You know how I fuck with button-mashers? When they do something that seems funny or remotely special, like an accidental special move, I would ask them "Cool, how'd you do that?" to which they would simply say "I don't know". Why? Because they're dumb fucks and have no idea what the hell the did that made it possible. I would go about saying that throughout the match because I find it funny that the button-masher will eventually realize he's a fucking idiot for not being able to answer some very simple questions of mine without me directly pointing it out to him. Sure, finding humor in a button-masher's stupidity is like finding humor in fooling a dog but I don't care.
You damn button mashers should play games other than fighting games. Go play those damn Skeeball games that can be found in every arcade nowadays. What the fuck's with those damn Skeeball game anyway?! I want more fucking games in my arcade, not some bullshit game that gives me fucking tickets! Why can't games like Tekken 4 or Soul Calibur 2 or Marvel vs Capcom 2 give tickets? Skeeball sucks more than trying to make yourself fart and accidentally ending up shitting in your pants instead. That really sucks, especially if you're sitting down. Skeeball probably sucks about as much as when you're standing and that happens. Shitting in your pants while you're sitting down is a tad worse. The point I'm getting at is Skeeball sucks.
Oh, playing skeeball is a great game to play when you're on a date? What the fuck's wrong with you? You don't bring a girl into an arcade room! Girls understand arcade games like guys understand how the difference between the colors beige, off-white, and eggshell. Just like guys are out of their element when they're in a clothing store, a girl is out of her element when in an arcade room.
Anyway, button-mashers suck. You ruin the arcade scene. You should kill yourselves.
I should play home games more often.