Man, you smell.....

Saying that line is a really funny way to have fun at someone else's expense. I think telling someone they smell is a really good insult.

People nowadays are desensitized to insults. You can call me a fucking cunt and it won't bother me. You can call me a goddamn chink and it'll only bother me slightly. I don't like racist jokes. Actually, I like racist jokes as much as the next guy...so long as the racism isn't geared toward me. I think that's how everyone is.

That's why I think telling someone they smell would work wonders. This is because it's the kinda insult no one expects. Heck, in a sense, it isn't an insult. I'm more like a statement. Think of it as a new breed of insult. I would like to call this kind of insult, 'The Observational Insult'. Insults nowadays can easily be brushed simply because they're opinion based. We're growing up in a society where everyone has opinions about everything, many people having varying opinions. Because of this, everyone realizes this and have come to not care much about another person's opinions besides their own. Of course, why else would you be reading this rant. It's not like you really care about my opinions. You're probably just reading this because you're bored and have nothing to do.

Because people don't really care about opinions other than their own, this is why they can easily brush off vicious insults. Heck, think about it, 'Fuck You' is a pretty funny phrase. We now live in a day and age where we actually thank people after they say that to us. I'm sure you think I'm lying here but I'm not. I'm POSITIVE you've thanked someone after they said that to you. You just don't realize it until someone points out to you. You ever notice the Dr Pepper drink doesn't have the don in front of the 'Dr' even though 'Dr.' is the correct abbreviation for 'doctor'? See? You didn't notice that until someone pointed it out to you. Anyway, I'll point out the perfect scenario where you thanked someone. It usually deals with having to ask a good friend for a favor, any kinda favor that requires an effort on the friend's part:

Here's an example. It might not be word-for-word, but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm getting at. Let's give a setting. Let's pretend you and your friend are at a bar looking to score. You spot a very hot girl and want to hit on her. Unfortunately, the hot girl has a friend that you KNOW you hafta get through first to get to your prize. This is where the wingman comes in. This is where your friend sacrifices himself by approaching the girl and striking up a conversation with her to lure her away from the girl you want to hit on

You: Hey, can you be my wingman for tonight?
Friend: Fuck, do I hafta? It's dark in this bar, but it's obvious it's not dark enough.
You: C'mon, man. I'd do the same for you.
Friend: (Sighs)Man, fuck you.
You: (Smiling)Thanks.

Now you understand? 'Fuck you' has somehow taken on the meaning of 'Fine. Fine. I'll do it' in this kind of situation. I'm sure it's happened for you before. Okay, let's just say that that situation doesn't seem to apply to you that much. Afterall, this rant is on an anime-based webpage and we all know how we anime-loving people are with leaving the house, let alone going to a bar and actually trying to hit on a hot girl. Perhaps a better scenario is needed:

You: Can I have the last slice of pizza?
Friend: What the fuck? That's mine.
You: I'm starving. I haven't eaten all day.
Friend: (Sighs)Man, fuck you.
You: (Smiling)Thanks.

Now I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from. The point I'm getting at is that even insults like 'fuck you' bounces off people like nothing nowadays. That's why you need a new kinda insult. That's why you need the 'Observational Insult'. What kind of insult is this? It's simple. Just pretend you're about to insult someone but stop just as you're about to say something. By now, the person you're about to insult is getting ready to brush off your best insult. However, rather than insult him, just make some kind of observational insult. An observational insult is the kind that seems more like you're trying to help a person instead of insult them, that's why it's so effective, because the person you're insulting will be caught off guard.

Just sniff at the air in front of the person and say, "Man, you smell"

Of course, the person will be skeptic. He will believe that that's your attempted insult. This is where you say: "Really, I'm telling you. It smells kinda like....I dunno what the fuck it smells like but it smells," And when he still thinks you're bullshitting him, just shrug and say "Okay, I don't care whether or not you believe me,"

Congratulations, you just did an 'Observational Insult'. Because of it, because the insult doesn't seem like an insult by the way you said it, your target will truly think he smells badly. For the rest of the day, he is self-conscious that he probably smells but can't smell his own stank. From here on, you can enjoy the rest of the day knowing your target feels self-conscious of himself from that point on until he gets home and takes a shower and changes into a clean pair of clothes. He will continue to wonder what's making him smell, perhaps checking his shoes to see if he stepped on a landmine, AKA dogshit, and sniffing at his armpits constantly wondering if his Right Guard turned left, if his Speed Stick slowed down, if his Old Spice needs to be renewed. You get the picture.

You should try that with someone you don't like. Just pretend you're helping your target out by point it out to him that he smells even thought he doesn't. That's a funny insult. And if he DOES smell, then this insult doesn't work. It's more funny if your target smells and doesn't realize it than it is the other way around. Fuck with someone, tell them they smell. Just pretend you're pointing something out to them that they wouldn't notice themselves.

Dontcha think that's awesome? You basically mess up a person's day without calling him any funny name or say any swear word. Pretty cool, huh?

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