Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong Ranma 1/2: A revenge that wasn't so bad (Opening scene: OneShot's room. We see the back of OneShot's head as he sits in front of his computer. His television is on and Star Trek happens to be on. OneShot looks like he's attempting to write a fanfic. His speakers are blazing because he's also listening to the ending song of a Video Girl Ai on his MP3 player) Ranma:(Entering the room)You OneShot? OneShot:Yeah.(Turns around)Oh man, you look like Ranma. Lettme guess, this is a revenge 'fic.(Thinking)Damn, I was hoping I wouldn't fall into the revenge thing like all the other author's did. This means I'm just a hop skip away from writin' spamfics... Ranma:I have some things I would like to talk to you about. OneShot:Can I finish watching Star Trek first, I never saw this episode? Ranma:............... (A few minutes pass) OneShot:(Shuts off TV)Wow, that was a good episode. Okay, what was it ya wanted to talk to me about? Wait, let me turn off my MP3 player.(Turns off music)Okay, now you can go...wait a sec...since I'm online and I won't be doin' anythin', I might as well let the computer download. Okay, what do ya want? Ranma:There's some things I've been meanin' to talk to you about. OneShot:Like what? Ranma:I want to talk to you about the way you protray me and everyone else in your stories. OneShot:In which ones? I wrote quite a few. Ranma:In just about all of them....except for the Dragonlance and other anime series ya wrote. OneShot:In what way do ya not like about my writin'? Ranma:(Sits down)Well, in your Mousse's love, ya killed off Mousse. OneShot:Yeah. So? Ranma:What do ya mean 'so'? How can you say something like that? You killed off Mousse. As much as he annoys me, he doesn't deserve to die. OneShot:I figured it would make the story more dramatic. Ranma:Also, will you stop puttin' that at the end of every fanfic. It keeps confusing the readers that there will be a continuation. OneShot:That's just how I end it. I put that on my first story, and I guess it stuck with me. Anything else? Ranma:Yeah, in 'The least one can do', why didja have it where I start falling in love with Shori. OneShot:What's wrong with that? Ranma:Um, well, there's really nothin' wrong with that... OneShot:Ya want me to put ya back with Akane? Ranma:Well....no. OneShot:Good, cause I wouldn't have anyway. Ranma:What? OneShot:It'd be a cop-out. Besides, all the readers don't really want it to turn out that way. They say there's enough 'fics out there where you and Akane get together.(Looks at screen)Damn, I got disconneted.(Logs back on) Ranma:.............Also, will you at least put a little more effort into writing your end notce? In your 'Least one can do' series, all of them were just a simple cut and paste. Why not just write something instead of just using the same endnotes from the prior episode. OneShot:(Sighs)Anything else? Ranma:Yeah, what about 'A day to remember'? OneShot:What about it? Ranma:When the heck are you gonna finish it? You started that series before RAAC was created, and you still didn't finish it. OneShot:Um, I guess I'm takin' my time. I have a good reason though... Ranma:What? OneShot:I'm workin' on another story and I want to put my full attention into it. Ranma:Lettme guess...'Ranma's girls' OneShot:Cool, how'd ya know? Ranma:That's all ya ever mention. You keep tellin' everyone to give it a try. I think you already made it clear that you're workin' on that story....which is a lie. OneShot:............ Ranma:If you said you were gonna work on nothin' but that story, then why didja write 'A memorable past'? Or how about 'It was all a dream'? And speakin' of 'It was all a dream', how could you make me suffer like that? That must've been one of the most depressin' 'fics that I ever starred in. OneShot:(Smiles)Thanks Ranma:Huh? OneShot:In a way, you're promoting my works. But don't worry, I'll probably write another version to it, but this time, Akane suffers. Ranma:(Picks OneShot up by collar)Don't you dare. OneShot:(Meekly)Okay okay. I won't. (The door opens and in walks five girls) OneShot:Oh shit. Rei:Yeah, you better say that. You're in big trouble for the way you protrayed us is your stupid 'Usagi's usual morning' lemons. I can't believe you have us doing those things. OneShot:............. Ranma:Wait, you're the five girls from his 'Usagi's usual morning' series? Rei:Yeah. What about it? Ranma:I read those. OneShot:(Jumping in)And what didja think about 'em? Rei:(Glares)He wasn't talking to you. OneShot:(Meekly)Sorry. Ranma:(Nervously)Well, they were....um...nevermind.(Turns to OneShot)Let's jus' say that OneShot has too much time on his hands. OneShot:No pun intended... Ranma:Huh? OneShot:(Sighs)Nevermind. Makoto:So what's the deal with the Usagi's usual morning series? OneShot:I'm gonna finish part 8 it and then no more lemons. I promise. Ami:How come I get the feeling he won't keep to his promise. Minako:As long as he stops the UUM series, that's good enough for us. OneShot:Um, er, I don't think the readers would like that. Usagi:Oh? Why not? OneShot:They seem to like those for some reason. And I don't really know why. Rei:Well we don't care. We want you to stop. OneShot:Fine. I'll stop. I assume you want me to finish part 8. Rei:And why's that? OneShot:Because Motoki's in it... Rei:................ OneShot:Okay, then I guess I better not. Rei:W-wait. You don't have to....necessarily....not write part 8. I guess we can live through another one of your lemons(Thinking)As long as Motoki's in it.... OneShot:(Suspiciously).............. Usagi:(Turns on television)Man, I'm bored, let's see what's on TV. (Watches for a minute)What are they saying? I can't understand them. OneShot:Duh? That's because they're speakin' in English and you're speaking in Japanese. Ranma:Then why do all the readers see what we're saying in English. OneShot:Because it's easier for me to write in. Ami:You just ended a sentence with prepostion. OneShot:Yeah. So. Ami:That's incorrect way of saying it. OneShot:(Mumbles)Geez. Ranma:Look, I hafta go now. I just wanted to letcha know that most of us don't like the way you portray us. OneShot:Lettme guess. You want me to write more like the way Takahashi does it. Ranma:Yeah, OneShot:Well, if I do, that means I hafta give ya the curse...and I don't think a curse would run well in 'Ranma's girls'. Ranma:Fine, let that be the exception. OneShot:And what about that crappy 'Sentenced to life' bit that I recently sent onto the FFML? If I give you a curse, you're gonna get raped by all those inmates. Ranma:(Fuming)Oh yeah, I forgot about that. How can you put me in jail like that?!? OneShot:Uh-oh. Ranma:I can't believe you let that guy beat me up. How can you make it where I look so meek?! How can you make me suffer like that?! OneShot:.................. Ranma:Look, I'll forgive you if you give it a hapy ending. OneShot:But that's hard. I like writin' sad endings more than happy ones. It makes more of an impact. Ranma:Well don't. OneShot:.................. Ranma:I don't mind you puttin' me together with Ukyo since there are very few Ranma/Ukyo 'fics out there, but I don't want you to make me seem meek and defenseless. That just isn't me. I still can't believe you didn't have it where I fought back. OneShot:Fine, if I continue it, I'll have it where you get even in the end. Ranma:Good.(Turns to leave)Well, I guess that's all I have to say now. I'll be back if you write more stories like that. OneShot:Fine. Ranma:Bye(Leaves) OneShot:That wasn't so hard. Rei:Well, you forgot about us. OneShot:No I didn't. I don't think there's anyway I can after writin' all those lemons about you... Rei:.............. OneShot:Would ya mind if I write a self-insertion lemon with you guys? All:Get real!!! OneShot:I guess you're right since not many readers like self-insertion 'fics...heck that's what spawned 'Artemis' Lover' into the fanfic community. Minako:Don't even mention that story. OneShot:Hey, at least the story was salvaged when Megane 6.7 did a MST3000 of it. Usagi:Look, before we leave, we want ya to stop writin' lemons about us. That's all. OneShot:(Smiles wryly)Okay, I guess I won't write that one where Motoki's in it.... Makoto:We'll make an exception for that.... OneShot:Of course you sould. Is there anything else? Usagi:Well, not really. OneShot:So what are you gonna do, just stay here? Usagi:What's wrong with that? OneShot:I wanna get back to my fanfics.(Thinking)Besides, I'm not much of a SM fan.(Looks at screen as he checks for email)Cool, Catkiller's back!!! Ami:Who? OneShot:He was this guy that pissed the entire FFML off a few months ago. Oh nevermind.... Minako:Guys, we better get going now. Usagi:I guess you're right.(Looks at OneShot)Before we leave, do you have anything to eat. I'm hungry. Rei:You're always hungry. OneShot:Not much. I only have pockey. Usagi:I'll pass. OneShot:How about a cookie? Usagi:No. Anything else? OneShot:Okay, how about some carrots? Usagi:............... OneShot:It's just a joke. Lighten up. Rei:Well, let's get going. (The senshi leaves) OneShot:Well, that wasn't so hard. Now, where was I....(Looks at monitor) Shit, more spam.... (The door opens and in walks Priss) Priss:Hey, OneShot, I've been meaning to have some words with ya. OneShot:Oh oh. Priss:How dare you write a cross over where Ranma nearly kills me in that story. I can't believe you wrote about where he might have broken some of my ribs. OneShot:Yeah, I guess I did overdo it on the power levels. Heck, I made Ranma almost as strong as Goku. Priss:Who? OneShot:Son Goku. He's this wickedly powerful anime character. Akira Toriyama wanted Gohan to become the main character, but he always remained in Goku's shadow for some reason. Priss:What do you keep saying that? OneShot:Say what? Priss:Why do you always add 'for some reason'. I noticed you tend to write 'for some reason' all the time. OneShot:Well, for some reason, I just do it. Priss:See! OneShot:See what? Priss:You said it again. OneShot:Hey, I can't help it. Priss:(Sighs)Look, back to the subject, I think you should rewrite that. OneShot:Rewrite the entire thing?! Priss:Well, no, just the part where he beats me up. I mean, I'm wearing a power suit and he still manages to hurt me. That's not right. OneShot:Sorry. Priss:How about you have it where I manage to at least hurt Ranma. OneShot:Can't do that. Priss:Why not? OneShot:I don't like writin' about Ranma gettin' hurt. Priss:Then what about your 'Sentenced to life' and 'Ranma's girls' OneShot:............. Priss:Look, can you please rewrite that story and not make me look so incompetent. I'm capable of doing a whole lot more. OneShot:I'm sure you are, except I won't be able to write about it because I don't know enough about the Bubblegum Crisis universe. Priss:How much do you not know about it? OneShot:Well, I don't even know what color your battle suits are except for yours and Nene's. Priss:Then why would you write a story on something you barely know? OneShot:Why not? It's good to be versatile. Priss:So I assume that's why you write lemons.... OneShot:............ Priss:Look, I'm going to let you off with a warning. If you ever write another Bubblegum Crisis fanfic, I suggest you do a little research first. I mean, your portrayal of me is a bit correct, but the way you had me fight isn't correct. OneShot:Okay, I'll try. Priss:(Sits down on bed)Why is this room so bleak? You should add some things to it. OneShot:I will. I plan on adding a picture of this duck from Lynn Daniel's webpage. Priss:That's it. OneShot:That's good enough for me. I tend to be easily amused. Priss:I bet you are. That's why you write all those lemon, ne? OneShot:Why do you keep mentioning about my lemons? Do you want me to write a BGC lemon or somethin'? Priss:(Glaring)Don't you dare. OneShot:Yeah, I could write a orgy between the four of you girls. Priss:If you do, you're dead. OneShot(Gulps)............. Usagi:(Entering the room)I thought you said you were going to stop after you finish writing UUM 8. OneShot:I thought you left. Usagi:Yeah, I'm leaving.(Leaves) Priss:Look, all I'm sayin' is that your better not write a BGC lemon or bad things will happen to you.(Gets up to leave) OneShot:Are you leaving? Priss:Yeah.(Leaves) OneShot:Man, this revenge 'fic wasn't that bad. (In enters Ryoga) Ryoga:(Looking around)Where am I?! OneShot:You're in my room. Lettme guess, you're lost. Ryoga:Who are you? OneShot:I'm OneShot. Ryoga:OneShot? I know you. I've been meaning to talk to you. OneShot(Sighs)Talk to me about what? Ryoga:How come you never really include me in your fanfic? I play a pretty major character and you just brush me off. OneShot:That's because you're always gettin' lost. Ryoga:(Sarcastic)Ha ha, that's real funny. Look, you better include me in more of your stories. OneShot:What would ya like me to write about. I have an idea, how about a Ryoga/Akane lemon? Ryoga:(Blushing)What?! Usagi:(head peeking in)Hey, I thought you said you were going to stop after- OneShot:Yeah, I heard you the first time. I was just joking. Ryoga:You were joking around?!(Getting angry)How dare you toy with me like that?! OneShot:Relax. Calm down. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Ryoga:(Relaxing a bit)Okay. Usagi:Hey, if you like, you can include him in UUM 8, I wouldn't mind having him. Ryoga:(Nosebleeds)Y-you want me?!(Faints) OneShot:Man, how can you say that?! That's not you. You're so out of character it's not funny. Usagi:Hey, it's you're fault. You made it that way. OneShot:...........Is there anything else? Usagi:No. Not really. I'm gonna go.(Leaves) OneShot:(turns to Ryoga)Sorry about that. Now, what would you- hey, Ryoga, you alive?(Shrugs his shoulders)Oh well. Now, back to work. (Belldandy enters the room) OneShot:Oh man. Belldandy:Um, are you OneShot? OneShot:(Meekly)Yes. Belldandy:I've been meaning- OneShot:To talk to me. Okay, what is it? Belldandy:How can you write a lemon where I mastubate. OneShot:That's not the only one. I wrote one where Usagi masturbates. Belldandy:What are you, some hentai? OneShot:No. I'm just trying to be....versatile. Belldandy:Yeah, I bet you are. Now, about that lemon. OneShot:Dontcha think it has a catchy title, 'Belldandy's usual morning'? All the people who read my 'Usagi's usual morning' will realize that I'm the same author. Kinda smart, right? Belldandy:No. I think it's some cheesy way so promoting your lemons. OneShot:Oh man, I can't believe you would say something like that. That's so out of chatacter. Belldandy:Jus' like all of your stories. In every one of your stories, all the characters are out of character. OneShot:Not all. Raistlin's pretty in character. Belldandy:Who? OneShot:Nevermind. Okay, is there anything else? Belldandy:Not really. OneShot:Hey, how'd you like 'A generous heart'? It was the story where Keiichi comes home and give Skuld a birthday present. Belldandy:I don't know. I wasn't home. OneShot:...........Nevermind. Belldandy:Well, I better get going now. OneShot:Hey, Belldandy, can you do me a favor? Belldandy:What is it? OneShot:(Jerks a thumb toward Ryoga)Can you take him with you? He's bleeding on my rug. And speaking of that, why do all male anime guys get nosebleeds? That never happens in real life. Belldandy:I don't know. Keiichi-san always seem to get those. OneShot:And I'm sure he'll get even more if he walked in on ya while you were busy in the kitchen during that lemon. Belldandy:Excuse me? I didn't hear what you said. OneShot:Um, nothing. Belldandy:Well, I guess I can take him with me.(Uses magic to levitate Ryoga)I better get going now.(Leaves) OneShot:(Sighs)Man, this revenge things is getting rather long. Man, that's weird, Belldandy's voice sounds exactly like Kasumi's(Shrugs his shoulder)Oh well. I guess I must be hearing things.(Looks at screen)Goddamn it, my modem disconneted. I hate that. And it's always when I'm grabbin' a large file. (Logs back on) (Ranma enters again) Ranma:Hey, OneShot. OneShot:Now what? Jeez, this is getting tedious.\ Ranma:I have a favor to ask of you. OneShot:What is it? Ranma:Can you write some more 'fics where me and Ukyo get together. OneShot:Ukyo and I. Ranma:What do she have to do with you? I'm talking about me and Ukyo. OneShot:No, I mean...(Sighs)Nevermind. Okay, I'll do that. I write some more Ranma/Ukyo 'fics. Ranma:Okay, thanks. OneShot:Hey, what about Akane? Ranma:What about her? There's too many Ranma/Akane 'fics out there. It'd be nice if I get paired up with someone different for a change. OneShot:(Smirks)Even Kodachi. Ranma:No way!!! Anyone but her. OneShot:Is there anything else? Ranma:No that's all. Later(Leaves) OneShot:Man, I hope that's it. (Genma enters) OneShot:Lettme guess. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something" Genma:That's right, son. You took the words right out of my mouth. OneShot:What is it you want to talk about? Genma:It's about how you portrayed me in one of your fanfic. You made me a stinkin' child abuser. OneShot:And that's not all. You're also dead in that story. Genma:Yeah, and that also. OneShot:Well, I did that to add angst to the story. Genma:As if it doesn't have enough... OneShot:(Laughs)I guess you're right about that. Look, I'm sorry about that. I had to. Genma:Look, just don't do that next time. OneShot:Fine.(Looks at computer)Shit, my modem disconneted again.(Logs back on, and then Turns to Genma)Are you still here?! Genma:Fine, I'm leaving.(Leaves) OneShot:Goddamnit. I hate it when my modem disconnets. This is bullshit.(Log back online) (In enters Keiichi) Keiichi:Are you OneShot? OneShot:Man, how many more of these people are going to visit me?! What do you want? Keiichi:If this is a bad time, I could always come back. OneShot:Naw. Stay. Tell me what's on your mind. Keiichi:I just wanted to say I like the way you portrayed me in one of your stories. I was definitely in character when I kissed Skuld on her forehead. OneShot:Really?! Ya really think so? Keiichi:Yeah. Well, I just wanted to tell you that. I have to get going now. Belldandy brough somebody home. You might know him, he has a yellow and black bandanna. OneShot:Oh, that's Ryoga.(Laughs)Ha, I'd like to see him get home from a different anime universe. Now that's REALLY getting lost. Keiichi:Well, whatever. I have to go now. Bye(Leaves) OneShot:(Smiles)I think that just made my day.(Looks at screen)Goddamn it, I got disconneted again!!! (Fade to black) Ranma's voice:Hey, will you quite using that it's gonna confuse the readers. OneShot's Voice:Sorry. It just wrote this for fun. It was just floating around in my head and I wanted to get rid of it. Hope ya enjoyed it. I apologize for the grammar and spelling errors. Ranma and Ryoga from Ranma 1/2, belong to Rumiko Takahashi and the Sailor Senshi from Bishouko Senshi belong to Naoko Takeuchi. Belldandy and Keiichi from Ah!Megami-sama belong to Fujishima Kosuke. I have no idea who created Bubblegum Crisis. Like I mentioned in this story, I know very little about the BGC universe. Jeffrey "OneShot" Wong